Weighty Matters

75.2 pounds gone since May 11!!!! Got my magnet last night to show for it, and I'm so very happy! All my pants are loose. My sweaters are sliding off what used to be my shoulders. I walked 1.28 miles on the treadmill this morning. I increased my weights slightly today (and a couple were TOUGH to take). But I'm so enjoying this change in me. We had new folks joining our meeting last night. And my leader sent them to me for inspiration and advice, along with a couple of other folks. That was such an honor -- considering I'm about 1/3 of the way to my goal, and yet others see me as an inspiration and role model. I can't wait to see what the New Year brings!!!

Last weigh-in, I needed 4.4 pounds to hit 75 even. I got 4.2 pounds. AAARGH! 0.2 pounds away.... oh well. I still have a few days to go to get it. Christmas: I didn't count points. I didn't on Thanksgiving either. Whatever happens, happens. Enjoy the rest of 2006, and here's to a great '07!!!

Yesterday, I got to attend a dance recital for my godchild and her cousin. I never did dance lessons. I had a friend who did. I thought about it in 2nd grade, but someone mentioned that I should have started a couple of years earlier, and that I needed to drop a few pounds. So I put dance lessons out of my mind. I did Girl Scouts instead, and never thought about dance lessons again. I didn't bemoan the fact that yes, I probably should have dropped a few pounds of baby fat back then and didn't. I didn't wonder if I should have told whomever that they needed to stuff it. In the grand scheme of the cosmos, it was not this sad thing -- it just was. End of story. Last night at the recital, there was a young lady in two of the segments. She was larger than everyone else up on stage, but OH MY STARS! She was having a grand time. She radiated pure joy. She gave everything she had to her dancing and from what I could tell, was simply happy to be there and happy to dance. And let me ...

I gained back 0.8 pounds. Not enough to really even worry about. Even my leaders tonight were pooh-poohing it. So that's good to know. I really want to hit 75 pounds by year-end. I have 17 more days to make it happen and lose 4.2 pounds. But if I don't hit it right on the 31st, I'm not going to have a massive meltdown. As Debbie (my leader) often says, "Life happens." But I'm so happy that I'm well on my way to better health. Nowhere to go but down!

3.0 more pounds gone for a total of 71.4 pounds gone in 30 weeks. That's an average of 2.38 pounds per week. I am so psyched and so happy. I went to a function yesterday, and there were lots of people there that I hadn't seen -- some of them in almost 2 years. They were all astonished and noticed right away that I'd lost weight. I was positively glowing -- not that I'm an attention hound, but I enjoyed the compliments. And I have worked hard to get where I am. Not working hard is what got me in the shape I was in. Working hard is what's changing my shape and changing my life. For all those who are on the journey to health with me -- regardless of how you're doing it -- KEEP GOING!!!!!!!

I maintained this week. I'm actually kind of happy about that. Usually when I lose a large amount (over 5 pounds), I follow that up with a gain the next week. This time, I didn't. So I'm happy about that. I can also tell a difference in the inches. I went back to my favorite foundations store in Atlanta. I had gone there shortly before joining WW. It had been seven months since I'd gone to the store, and knew I needed to be refitted. Good thing I decided to go. I'd lost enough that I needed all new sizes. Can't complain about that (well, much anyway). And my clothes are generally looser, including all the new stuff I bought about 2 months ago. Luckily for me, I have found a plus-size consignment shop nearby. I just have to get all my stuff together and take it there!

I lost 6 pounds even this week. I do not know how. It should have been a minimal gain. I didn't hit the gym once this week. I skipped counting points for 2 days. You will hear no complaints from me. I am grateful and I will take it. That's 68.4 total. Praise be!!!!

Whatever will I do? I lost 2.4 this last week! That's it. That's the list.

A few months back, when I was aiming for 40, there was one week where I was 0.4 short of that goal. The very next week, that's exactly what I lost. Same thing this time. I needed just one pound even to get to 60 even.... and that's exactly what I've lost. 60 pounds in 26 weeks. Exactly half a year. I can hardly believe it!

Another 3.2 pounds for a total of 59.0!!!! One more pound and two new CD's will be mine! A point from my daily target. On WW, you are assigned a number of points to eat based on your current weight. The more you lose, you will lose points as well. Most of the time, you lose 2 points from one range to another. In the higher ranges, you just lose one ... I guess to acclimate yourself to it. So I have lost a point from my daily total. Right now, that's not going to be so dramatic. I usually -- without meaning to -- have left 1-2 points at the end of the day. A pile of paperwork! My desk was covered over. I got in some weightlifting today moving all those files over to the cabinets! I can't believe how much had piled up. What a great week -- let's keep on keeping on!

and I especially hate them when I'm trying to lose weight..... gained 1.2 (again). But I also consider that (as my leader said), "Life happens!" Three birthday parties/dinners, all with free desserts. I tasted little bits of them, but did not eat the whole thing. That was an important change -- a year ago, I would definitely have eaten the whole piece of streusel! And losing 5.8 last week probably made my body put on the brakes. So how am I going to get through this? I think my "consistency instead of intensity" for exercise has got to be tweaked. I've been working on the consistency, making sure my heart rate is within target, etc. I think I'll go back to what was working for me. And, I can also shake it up so I'm not always just on the treadmill. I like the bike, but I can only go about 15 minutes at a time. So I am thinking that 15 minutes for a "warm-up" then lifting weights, and then another 15 for additional cardio. And of course, sti...

Because when I do, I lose over 5 pounds!!! This week, it was 5.8 for a total of 57 pounds even (in 23 weeks). That's just short of 2.5 pounds per week. I am thrilled by the changes in me -- not only the healthy eating habits; not just the exercise (and getting up early to do that!), but the obvious changes too: the smaller sizes (slowly getting smaller, but getting there) and the changes in my appearance. And I am more confident as well. My self-confidence was in the can a few years back, and over the years, I have worked hard to build it back up. The weight loss is like adding a rocket booster to an overhauled sportscar. What was once a rusted-out tin can is now looking better and better each day. Amazing what a little maintenance does. To everyone who is sharing this journey with me, I love you and am so grateful for your support and love and concern and your cheerleading. Your support is invaluable!

Apologies first for not updating until now. I went out of town Friday and just returned. I had a minor setback last week. I gained 1.2 pounds. But in my defense, my schedule was all thrown crazy -- went in very early (as in 5 AM), and that threw my normal routine all to heck. Meals? Forget it -- my "lunch" break was at 9:00 AM instead of 1:00 PM. Exercise? Only once during the week -- not my usual 3 times. And silly me, I actually ate a full meal before stepping on the scales. Normally, I go straight from work without eating and grab some grub on the way home. Doofus thing to do! BUT, this is not a defeat. I am determined to lose the weight I regained this week, and to move forward. Oooh Rah!!!

So yesterday, I went shopping with the gift my coworkers gave me and added a little of my own to it. I got enough new pants to last me through the winter -- just in time to buy new ones for spring (at least that's the plan), a suit jacket for one of the pants, a few shirts, and a lot more confidence. Because I have lost two pants sizes. Okay, really probably closer to 1-3/4. The pants are a little snug, but the size in between was way too loose -- waist, length, everywhere. So a little snug won't be bad, and over the winter, I'll be losing more weight anyway. What a boost! I had no idea that it was that good. And of course, my shirts are a size smaller than I used to wear too. That part is just as sweet! This could make me enjoy clothes shopping..... :)

Today, I had another fitness meeting with my trainer for Wellness Works (through the Y). She and I discussed where I'd come from, where I am going, and what I want to do. One of the things we discussed was consistency versus intensity. Most people do not realize this about me, because I mask it very well. I am a very intense person. My amps go all the way to 11. Part of that comes from being a large person all my life and always feeling that I had to do things better, faster, more fantastically, because I had more to prove to people: that fatties aren't lazy, etc. So while I look all meek-n-mild and sweetness-n-light on the surface, trust me: the intensity and drive lurk underneath and fuel everything. So for the last few weeks, I've been doing a treadmill pace of roughly 22 minutes/mile (around 2.8 MPH) -- NOT what I want. I would love an average pace of 17:30 (around 3.5ish). At the same time, I am very cognizant of what my target heart rates are, and am trying to stay wi...

I'm down another 1.4 pounds this week for a total of 52.4 pounds. I am definitely going to celebrate, because every loss is a step closer to my goal -- and because I wasn't sure if I'd have a loss this week. I figured that with the huge loss from last week, I'd probably bounce back with a gain. And I'm within guidelines, so that's a bonus too. *** And I have got to share this story with you -- if you haven't heard it already. Monday morning about 9:30, I watched as my coworkers gathered around my desk. I had no idea what was going on....... Finally, one of them spoke up and said, "We are so proud of you, and all the weight loss you've accomplished so far, that we wanted to get you a little something." Inside was $50 in cash -- a dollar per pound so far. And the instructions to buy myself something new that would fit just beautifully -- not to spend on groceries, or on gas, or anything else but something new to wear. I nearly cried. I was comple...

Yes, you heard me!!!!!! I lost 5.6 -- FIVE POINT SIX -- pounds this week. Totally shocking, completely unexpected, and it puts me at 51 pounds gone EVEN. FIFTY-ONE POUNDS!!!!! I cannot believe it! I don't recommend losing this much weight in a week (especially this far into it) -- nor do I recommend what I did this weekend to lose that much weight (having so much fun I actually forgot about eating!). This week I'm sticking to plan, and we shall see what happens. But for now -- I'm loving it!

I don't know how I did it but I managed to lose 3.6 pounds this week, for a new grand total of 45.4!!! Okay, actually I know how I did it -- just stayed on track, made sure to exercise properly, and even enjoyed using a point or two from the weekly 35 (something I rarely do). But I never imagined it would be 3.6 pounds this week. I would have been happy with even one or two. Oddly enough, we talked tonight about keeping the process at a slow simmer instead of a rolling boil. I don't want to drop 10 pounds in a week, but I do want to maintain steady progress. Right now my average is about 2.2 pounds per week, and that works well for me. Anywhere between 1.5 and 2.5 is something I am happy about. I am grateful for the smaller losses too -- I've learned to be happy with the less-than-a-pound losses, because they are steps toward the overall picture. But WOW! I am very thrilled with this week's loss -- completely unexpected and totally enjoyed!

Yahoo! I lost another 1.8 pounds, for a total of 41.8 pounds in 18 weeks of dieting! I am so glad that it turned out to be a very good week. I was remarking to a coworker that I've reached a point where I can't really tell how the week is going to go. Last week felt about the same, and yet I only (yeah, "only") lost 0.4 pounds. Hmm..... I've also inspired a couple of coworkers to join WW. It's good because we're all going to band together in this. We've been sharing tips and ideas, and now we can do even more. She goes to a different meeting place and day from me, so that works well. *** I do get asked on occasion why I pay money to go have someone weigh me and to spend 30 minutes in a motivational meeting. One word: accountability. I know myself well enough to know that if I didn't have someone else watching my progress and watching over me, I would cut myself so much slack that I would not be successful. I am blessed to have a buttload of "a...

but 0.4 pounds was all I needed to reach 40 pounds even. And that's exactly what I lost! I am so thrilled and so happy -- and while I would have loved a larger loss, I will take every ounce I get (or in this case, all 6.5 of them!) So what does this mean? Well first of all, it means I will be getting my happy rear to the nearby music shop and buying Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs and lulling myself to the dulcet tunes of Mr. Clapton et al. It also means I have succeeded to a 2nd goal along the way. I am also within a few pounds of a good percentage of my ultimate goal. The cool thing about all this is that I'm still eating normal foods. I still eat pizza (albeit Lean Cuisine, but it's pizza). I still eat Chinese (in moderation). I can even indulge in an occasional glass of wine. I still eat chocolate, and chips, and popcorn -- I just watch what kinds I eat and how much. I know what to look for, and what to ask the waiter, and how to prepare foods well. And today, I wa...

The weekend went better than expected. I went to another work wedding, and this time, allowed myself to enjoy part of the feast. And I still did way better than I thought! But this morning.... well, I had gotten up early to go to the gym. As I was coming back down in bed, to move toward turning on the lamp on the nightstand, WHAM!!!! I bonked my head on the corner of the nightstand. Hey, you try being an accurate judge of distance at 5:30 AM without your glasses on. No bleeding or other problems, but it has been a sore spot all day. So I figured rather than go to the gym and end up in the hospital -- you know, subdural hematoma or some other thing -- I just thought, "I'll go Wednesday instead." And I'm gonna need to go tomorrow -- I am out of sync and I really feel it. Holidays are nice, but BOY do they throw your schedule all off, especially when the gym is closed. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Another 1.8 down. YAHOOO!!!!! I was just-this-close to hitting 40 even ... 39.6 pounds. My coworker was like, "Round up, girl!" But I can't; that would be cheating. By golly, I will have it by Monday. Yes, I will. And I'm still going to the gym regularly. I want to try to stretch it to four days a week, so that will include one day on the weekends, probably for just cardio (if nothing else). I figure that's one way to keep things going. Success is good -- and I'm enjoying what has happened so far! Onward and downward!

that I joined Weight Watchers. And to commemorate this milestone, I was given the "perseverance" charm -- a pair of hands in applause with "16" etched on there. I just need a gold chain to put it on. And I lost another 3 pounds even, for a total of 37.8 lbs. That's a pretty good weight loss, and gets me back on track for "Laboring for 40." However, let me give you a small caveat: I don't recommend the Migraine Method of weight loss (being just too damn sick to eat). I had a hellacious migraine Sunday evening that stretched on into Monday. I remember waking up starving somewhere around 10:45 Sunday night -- I had been asleep for about 3 hours then. I still had 15 points left over, but I satisfied my hunger with 2 pieces of dry white toast (which was all I really wanted anyway). Oh yeah, and a teensy Weight Watchers candy bar. How warped is that? So I ended up with a 10 point deficit for that day -- really 14 if you take the earned activity points i...

Weight Watchers does carry some foodstuffs at the meeting locations and their smoothie mixes are a good buy. It's a little pricey compared to Carnation Instant Breakfast (for example), but very versatile (recipes for other things are included). So with a little experimentation, here's a recipe that I had earlier today. It's a hearty 5 points, and worth every slurp! Mixed Berry Smoothie Serves 1; 5 points 1 cup fat-free (skim) milk 1 WW French Vanilla Smoothie packet 1 cup frozen unsweetened berry mix Put in blender and blend to desired consistency. I usually hit puree, aerate, then liquefy. You will have a milkshake-consistency smoothie that is delicious -- you get 2 servings of milk (yahoo!) and one fruit (maybe two?). YUMMY!!!

Another 1.4 pounds lost!!! HOORAY!!!!! It does make "Laboring for 40" a little more interesting to work toward. I need to lose 5.2 in 17 days. I can do it. It just means I work a little extra harder. It can be done! I can do it!

A lot of people -- both in the 3D world and online -- have asked me to share my secrets for the success I have had so far. So here they are, along with a few helpful tips: Bringing snacks to work helps a lot. Usually it's a piece of fresh fruit or a ziploc with baby carrots, a couple of bags of the 100 calorie pack stuff, maybe some hummus to go with the carrots (or Wheat Thins, if I pack those), maybe some yogurt, etc. Those 100-calorie packs are lifesavers. They're a little expensive, so you can use other stuff -- for example, Triscuits. You can have one serving (6 crackers), and it's more than 100 calories, but it's also really filling. I will put 6 in a bag along with some lowfat cheese, and WOO HOO! it's a party! By the way, those are the regular Triscuits -- with the reduced fat ones, you can have 7 for a serving. I'll stick with 6 and a little extra flavor! I have breakfast every day. If it's a home breakfast, my favorite is a bowl of Kashi GoLean c...

As I mentioned in the previous post, my "assignment" this week was to eat a favorite food that I'd not eaten since starting the program. I had mentioned lasagna in class, but then by the weekend, I had a craving for the Chinese spareribs. So Sunday, I sat down with the dining out guide and came up with a plan: a small serving (1/2 to 1 cup) of boneless spare rib pieces (around 6 points), a cup of rice (another 4) and some vegetables (2 points for a cup). Okay, that was manageable. I ate a little less that day for lunch and breakfast, and even skipped my midday snack. It worked out even better. I am a doofus, and accidentally picked the bone-in ribs -- and two of those were only 4 points. One cup of vegetables was a quarter of what they gave me -- so I upped that to 2 cups (for 4 points), and the rice. All told, the same 12 points. AND I had enough leftovers for lunch on Monday. MMMMM! They were just as good the second day! So armed with this information, I plan to enjoy s...

and loving it! Another 2.4 gone this week for a total of 33.4 pounds gone in 13 weeks. My God. That's an entire Thanksgiving feast for 20 people -- and I had been carting it around on me. There's plenty more where that came from. Last night, we discussed our favorite foods -- and what we've stopped eating. So this week, our "assignment" is to eat one of our favorite foods that we've sworn off, but find a way to work it into our points. I mentioned that I love Italian food -- anything loaded with cheese and meat sauce and pasta and.... I'd better shut up while I'm ahead. But I think I will eat some of my favorite Chinese dish this week: barbecued spareribs. Normally I get the boneless ones -- already chopped up off the bone. And I usually get steamed rice with it anyway. Fried rice is okay, but you get tired of it. They used to have brown rice (which I dearly love) but people in my hometown weren't too impressed by the offering. So it's how to w...

YES! I did it! I lost 3.0 pounds this week for a total of 31.0 -- and since it is similar to what I had weighed at the gym, I'm counting the "30 by the 31st" as a success. Next up: "Laboring for 40" -- 40 by Labor Day. I figure that's 4 weeks for 9 pounds, which is very manageable. I'd like to say it just gets easier and easier -- and sometimes it does. But there are times I'd run you over for a Godiva bar or (worse) a bunch of breadsticks. Believe me when I say there is an enormous amount of self-control involved here. But that's part of the whole process -- being in better control so that I don't get out of control again!

I did achieve "30 by the 31st"!!! I went to the Y this morning, and used their scale -- which showed a 3 pound loss. So that's 3 in 3 days. Nothing is official (at least not in my book) until Thursday, but right now, it's looking pretty good. And I'm counting it! Tonight, I was doing a little measuring, and am pleased to know that I'm losing inches. I should have done some measuring at the very beginning, but at least I can start now and re-measure another 12 weeks down the pike. These little things are good encouragement for the long haul.

Okay, it isn't really a fall. I maintained this week. 0.0 pounds. No movement at all.I'm a wee bit disappointed, but not terribly so. On the one hand -- no gain. That is wonderful! But there was also no loss -- so "30 by the 31st" may not happen. I'll have to weigh myself at the gym on Monday to see if this weekend is going to make a difference. This week, I really put some extra effort to go to the gym 3 days and do my workout. Even with the craziness at work, and every girl's favorite relative making her appearance, I went and worked out. I stepped up the pace on the treadmill. It's still slower than I want it to be, but baby steps. It's been a long time since I've been active and so it's going to take some time to bounce back. I really tried hard to watch my food intake too. I slipped one day by accident: I left my WW case (with tracking diary) at work. The odd thing was that it was one of my workout days -- when I could have easily traded m...

I lost 3.8 pounds this week!!!!!! So I reached my 25 pound goal, and exceeded it by 3, for a total of 28 pounds lost in 10 weeks. Next up: "30 by the 31st" -- 2 pounds in 11 days. Yeah, I can do that! 11 weeks ago, I could not imagine where this road would take me. That was my first night, the initial weigh-in when I nearly died from embarrassment, and Debbie (my leader) quietly leaned over and said, "You'll never see that number again." By golly, I don't intend to. This past week, I tried a new activity: water aerobics. If anyone ever tells you it's not "real" exercise or that it's sissy, beat them to a bloody pulp. It's tougher than hell. An hour of that, and the next morning I could barely get up for work!! But it was so much fun! I am ready to try it again on Monday. I guess that's it for this week. I promise that by this weekend, I will post that nice long(er) essay I've been talking about for 4 weeks! :)

TMI Warning! Turn Around Now! You Have Been Warned! Don't Say "Thanks For the Visual -- I'm Warning You Now!" Too late! So I went shopping yesterday, looking for new pants. I have about 3 pairs that I can wear without needing to pin them. I have a few others where I am having to safety-pin the waistband to make them fit more snugly. A few more pounds to go, and into the garage sale bag they will go. I read recently that if you've lost more than 35 pounds, forget altering a garment, so....... I'm a fan of a couple of plus-size stores, but one is my far-and-away favorite. The others get visited when I can't find stuff at my #1 choice. So my #2 choice was visited yesterday. They had a great sale. But no pants that work for me. Most of what they had was casual to begin with -- capris, crops, cargos, leggings. None of them look good on my big ugly legs. My legs don't look any shapelier from the knee down ... just one big continuation. But they had shirts. A...

YAHOO! Fifth loss week in a row -- and 2.8 pounds this time. I am only 0.8 pounds from 25 lost. HOLY MOLY! I promise I still have the longer essay I've been meaning to post but it has been just crazy. I probably should go to bed right now (I got up VERY early this morning to hit the Y before work). But I still have it and will post it soon......

I lost another 2.2 pounds this week for a total of 21.4!!!! I have now met my first mini-goal! To celebrate my little milestones along the way, I decided that I would treat myself to CDs that are woefully absent from my collection. So I will be lulling myself to sleep tonight to the dulcet sounds of "Abbey Road" .......

For THREE weeks running, I have lost weight. It was 1.4 pounds, bringing me all the closer to my first goal of 20 pounds gone. I am so excited! I also joined the Y this week. It's the only way I will be able to work out during the summer -- otherwise, it is just WAY too hot here! I honestly could not have made it thus far without the support of a lot of people: * my family, who has learned to just leave me alone and to stay out of my way when I'm in the kitchen (ha ha) * my coworkers, who are holding me accountable (and I love them for it). * my BC sisters, several of whom have decided to do the same. Their encouragement has been tremendous! WE CAN DO IT!!!

1. I lost again this week!!! First time ever that it's been two losses in a row -- it was only 0.4 lbs but I'm thrilled with it. Just 2.2 more to go to hit 20! 2. I made it through eating at the Chinese buffet today, relatively unscathed. But let me tell you: a cup of stuff doesn't seem like a lot...... So this will be a rare treat.

Glad to be a loser again! 3.4 more pounds are gone, gone, gone! I only have 2.6 to go to reach my intermediate goal of 20 pounds. I am very excited about that! I also spoke to my leader, and she and one of the other employees (who happens to be a nurse) also think that my medications are probably contributing to my "gain weeks" -- not that they are the sole reason but that they probably do play a large part. Okay, that's good to know. This is getting easier most days. My biggest problem is still finding a way to squeeze in all those points. I also discovered this week that the cashew machine at work usually distributes 1/2 an ounce for my quarter. Only 2 points and mmmmm....... Yeah, one day those points are going to be at a premium, but right now, while I've got them, I'm gonna enjoy them! *** I'm enjoying my new walking routine, but I know that I'm going to need a little more change-up sooner or later. And as it gets hotter and hotter this summer, I'...

I am trying really hard to fight the lazies. So far this week, we're at a draw. I did some walking this weekend, albeit at a rather leisurely pace. I hauled quite a few grocery bags, so that counts for weightlifting, right? No, I didn't think so either..... But tonight, I hoofed it, and hoofed it hard for about 20 minutes. It was so worth it -- two or three small hills so that it was challenging, but not undoable. Four square blocks, and it was great! And ready again for tomorrow night's challenge......

1.4 pounds. In the wrong direction. BUT my leader shared something that I thought was very good. In the 4 weeks I have been on, I have lost 14.0 pounds -- an average of 3.5 a week. Most people average 1.5 a week. So this week, more exercise (I'm sorry, but "activity" just sounds so phony when I *know* what I'm doing) and better planning.

Yes, I've been lazy about "activity" this week. I've walked a couple of times but that's it. Done a few crunches, but that's it. But such is life. And tomorrow is another day.

....back in black (so to speak). It was a good week. I lost 3.8 pounds, so my total (in 3 weeks) is 15.4 pounds. I promise you, I never expected this much. I was thinking 10 pounds in 3 weeks or even 10 pounds in a month. But not this much this soon. It's a good feeling though! One of my coworkers hit upon a good point, and I've been following it the last few days. She reminded me that I was probably not eating enough at breakfast -- and she was right. I have all these points (right now) that I can eat, and I'm not eating them at the right times. So I'm trying to use at least 25-30% of them for breakfast. So far, so good.

I actually gained back half a pound (0.6 to be precise). At first I was crushed -- HOW? I had been so very careful all week. Well, one, I figure it's "Bloat Week" so that has to come into account. Two, as my leader said, my body was probably reacting to the huge loss from last week. Almost like it thought I had gone into starvation mode and put on the brakes. That makes sense. She also said that I *have* to eat all my points. For instance, I still have 3 left tonight. So I figure that's worth a glass of milk and a few grapes. So her suggestion is to add one point to each meal. If I go over, whoop. I have 35 weekly points that I've never touched yet. So it's time for a Ziggy .... pick myself up, dust myself off, and start over again. Back on the program without being in starvation mode, and more "activity"!

A coworker of mine got married this weekend. The scary part of being on a ... food plan ... is dealing with things when you don't know the points value, or any of the nutritional information in order to find the points. I knew the value of one item. But no idea of the serving size offered by the serving spoon. Now I had plenty of points left for the afternoon/evening, but I really wanted to do everything just right. So I was a good girl and skipped the barbeque, the baked beans, and the coleslaw. In fact, skipped everything right on to the grocery store. I could have had those 8 points just for the barbeque, and God knows how much for the other, and dipped into those 35 "splurge" points each week. But I didn't. And I am so proud of myself for doing so! Two more days until the weigh-in. I know it won't be 12 pounds again -- but believe me, I will be happy with 2-3 pounds!

Holy Crap!!!!! I lost 12.2 pounds this week. First off, that made me wonder what in Hades was going on with me last week -- with my body, or with the scale. But they have said that all the scales are calibrated each week. So....... I honestly believe that some of last week's weight was the weight of defeat -- that sense of "I have no other choice." Timidity. Perhaps even a little depression. Literally weighing me down. This week, confidence, excitement -- and healthy choices -- have definitely lightened my load. 12.2 -- can it be real? I've gone back and checked several times to be sure. 12.2 ... 12.2. I have lost a small Thanksgiving turkey -- enough ground beef for 2-3 pots of chili -- a 6-month-old child. But what I have gained cannot be measured. I am amazed. Proud. Humbled. Shocked. Thrilled beyond belief. Cautious, because I know this was a rare week. But glad.

"Everything good for you is either illegal, immoral, or fattening." "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." I've never had trouble with the first quote -- I know it to be all too true. Today, as I was pondering lunch choices, I discovered this again for myself. Tabulating points for foods that I usually love -- well, disheartening isn't quite the word. Dumbfounded is more like it. The second quote is one I've personally hated over the years. One, the last time I was "thin" was probably elementary school. Darren H. had already bestowed the nickname of "Fatty" on me by 2nd grade -- although by 3rd grade, it had become a weird term of endearment among friends. Even as a large person, I know how good things can taste. Believe me, if being thin feels better than Godiva tastes, well I'll be positively over the moon, won't I? I'm trying to learn to eat even more slowly. If I'm out with friends, I'm usually one of t...

So we are supposed to banish the D and E words and replace them with ?? and Activity. I choose "Fuel" for the four-letter D word. When they mentioned this at the meeting, I thought to myself, "Call it whatever you want, it's still (the E word)." Cynical little chit, aren't I? But the leader also asked us to give her just 5 minutes a day to start. I thought, "Okay, that I can do." So that is what I am doing ... 5-10 minutes a day right now. Next week, 15 minutes a day. The next week, 5 more minutes. And eventually, work my way up to 30 minutes a day (which I'll have to do as 15 in the morning and 15 at night). This is working well. I'm amazed. I just want it to continue to work well!

This was my first weekend with Weight Watchers, and I am proud to say that so far, I have done very well. In fact, the biggest problem I have encountered is eating all my points. No joke! I'm at a pretty high points level, and I swear, I can't imagine eating that much food. Correction: that much healthy food. I could easily do it with crud and have for years, which is why I'm doing this today. So far, my saving graces have been stir-fried veggies and salads. I made a great stir-fry veggie dish tonight to go with our meal (grilled stuff, mine was a salmon kabob). I took half a large red onion, one green bell pepper, one zucchini, and one broccoli crown -- and chopped everything up into medium sized pieces. Add a tablespoon of safflower oil and all the veggies and stir-fry in a wok. MMM MMM! It was delicious, and everyone loved it! And oddly enough, even after a healthy breakfast, a hearty lunch, a delicious dinner, and THREE snacks today, I still have bookoo points left over...

Why did I join Weight Watchers? Specifically, what was it about Thursday, May 11 that caused me to do it? Nothing. It was just the cosmic tumblers clicking together, the universe coming to a focus point, and a "lightbulb moment" that made me not drive past it but stop in. Just a little voice that said, "Now is right." No overtures, no orchestra, or trumpet blasts. Just "now" ..... only this, and nothing more. I have dieted since 9 years old. It was the hamburger patty/citrus diet. My mother packed my lunch each day for a week with a hamburger patty (or chicken patty) for lunch, and all the citrus fruits I could want. It was a horrid, miserable diet (where she found it, I have no idea). And I have spoken the language of diet as well as anyone. It's been an undercurrent of my language since childhood. My mother was/is always on a diet. My brother is/was usually on a diet. My dad was the only one who seemingly never had to diet (but probably needs to, now...

I bought a gift for myself tonight. If things go as they are supposed to with this gift, I will have given myself a longer, happier life. Seeing as how I'm 36, I'd love to get 64 more years on the deal. I joined Weight Watchers. I'm proud of myself. It takes an awful lot for me to ever admit that I need help with something. I'm one of those classic independent, stubborn people -- pulling myself up by my own bootstraps (so to speak) is something I pride myself on. For me to walk in that door, fill out the paperwork and -- the real horror -- stepping on that scale ..... well, it took ovaries, and I'm glad I had enough of them to do it. Strangely enough, I am also absolutely scared crapless. I am scared of failing. I want so much for this to succeed. I really do. There wouldn't be many other alternatives except The Surgery -- and while some people have had great success with it, I would be the 1 out of the 200 who'd die. I know it. Can't prove it, but I kno...