Saturday, January 18, 2014

Momentary Flash of Insight

This past week in weight-loss: maintained. I was so thrilled I could have cried. Who knows about this week, but you know, I'm not even freaking out about it......

I had a yoga workshop today that was absolutely phenomenal. I'm working to create a variety of home practices for those times when attending as many classes as I'd like is limited (by time, money, my normal schedule, etc.). One of the things that Linda, our teacher, discussed was the concept that keeps getting hammered home of self-care..... that we cannot care for others until we care for ourselves. We further mentioned the idea of excuses .... of knowing what we have to do, and still coming up with every reason not to do them.

I have to admit my mind wandered for just the briefest of moments. I thought to a friend of mine who has made some ah-mayyyyyyy-zing strides this year in therapy and self-care, and I could almost hear her saying something along the lines of, "Excuses are for the times we just don't want to dig any deeper." If she were to say that, she would have a good point.

There are differences between explanations and excuses. Explanations are legitimate reasons for being unable to do something specific or at a specific time or place. Excuses are reasons to avoid doing it at all. For example, Linda said that people say, "I can't do yoga because I have a bad knee" to which she replied, "We can modify things -- the knee is only 3% of your body!" So at that point, when the issue is solved, has "unable" become "unwilling" or perhaps simply "not ready"? What do you do then?

Lately, my explanations have devolved into excuses. I've got to get myself back on track (again) post-haste, starting tomorrow. My morning workouts are not possible right now, not while I'm still adjusting to the meds, or while they are still leaving me rather lethargic in the mornings. So I have no alternative -- I have to workout in the evenings after work (no excuses!!) ... or if I cannot do evenings, I will have to find some alternative PERIOD. Workouts at home. Or force myself to leave sooner, be extra vigilant, etc. (which I really don't like because it puts other people at risk, not just myself).

For yoga? My easy excuse is "I have no place at home to really make into a sacred space." My answer is: create one. Just plain create one. Sit and plan and think and make it happen. Plan shorter routines for mornings so I can do cardio in the afternoons. Plan longer routines for days I can't do cardio or the gym at all.

So my momentary flash of insight is to delve a little deeper. Plan a little better. Find answers and modifications instead of excuses and cop-outs.

And just get going.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Getting back in gear....

2014 is starting out a bit like 2013: in a doctor's office. Up a bit at the scale. Only this time I have a few more answers.

I have a sixth sinus infection, just wrapped up the prednisone dosage, still working the antibiotics, have a new nighttime-only antihistamine, and Topamax (also bedtime only) for the headaches. Last night was my first dosage for that.... today was my first day and I can't wait until it actually begins to get into my system and build up. Because even on this lowest dosage, I have been ... groggy? out of it? yeah? most of the day.

But, back to the topic of the blog itself: so I was up 1.4 this week. Can I blame the polar vortex? the prednisone? my own laziness? Oh, wait.... Well yeah, that pretty much sums it up. No one to blame but me. But guess what, it's also up to me to get this off again. So two days in a row at the gym (so far) and plans to work out at home tomorrow after work. Sunday is supposed to be sunny again (hooray!) so Mr. Maddox will get a walk.

The new medications may mean an adjustment to my schedule. Right now, it's 10:30 PM and I'm very very sleepy. When I woke up this morning at 4:30 (having gone to sleep around 10:45), I was pretty slow moving for nearly an hour.... so it may mean that I have to switch my workouts to afternoons. Ideal for energy levels, but not for my "tolerance for large crowds" level, though I will say this past Thursday (yesterday) was very reasonable. I'll give things a couple of weeks to even themselves out and plan accordingly.

But plan I must. Plan meals. Plan exercise. Plan meditation. Plan my life better -- not just the goals but how I want to feel when I achieve them. I've been reading Danielle LaPorte, and one of the things she mentions is that it's not necessarily the goal itself we chase, but the feeling it engenders in us.

I get that..... I get it a lot. When I was in the weight loss process, it took me a long time to realize that the goal wasn't really as important as what I learned along the way and how it made me feel:

Empowered.
Worthy.
Capable.
Passionate.
Alive.

I could have lost five pounds and felt some degree of those things.
But I felt them much more as time went on.
I learned to look at the big picture ("so you're up 0.4, hey you've lost 156!")

These are the things I still want to feel every day as I continue to live this process.

How about you?