Every two weeks, I go to a chiropractor for an adjustment. I first used chiropractic care about 15 years ago when I had a lower back issue. I went every week for about 18 months, mostly for maintenance once the issue was cleared up. I had the same problem recur a few years afterwards during a time of great stress in my life, and so back to chiropractic care I went. I found it amazing that the issue diminished as soon as my major stressor went away.... hmm. Imagine that.
This time I go for normal maintenance.... and because my shoulders and upper back are in a constant state of tension. How much is due to the normal stresses of life and how much is due to some other things.... I don't know. I'm sure that my back and shoulders are not helped by the massive amounts of excess skin that I carry. I'm sure that it also doesn't help to have gravity affect my upper front so that I tend to "pitch forward." But a lot of it is due to just plain old stress. Imagine my surprise when my chiropractor said to me (while trying to adjust my shoulders): "You have got to let go of some of this stress...."
I couldn't say much except, "I know."
I don't talk much about the stress, except with treasured, trusted friends. Suffice to say there's been way more of it than I would like, and lately my responses to the stress have not been ideal. The worst part is the moodiness; "turn on a dime" is a good descriptor for it. Plenty of days, it doesn't take much. Part of it is what's going on with my life, and another part of it is sleep debt. Do not tell me sleep debt is not an issue. If my sleep debt were the national budget, Congress would be fighting over getting me balanced. Right now, I'm averaging 5.5 hours a night, 6 nights a week. I know there are links to sleep debt and weight control. I know that all this -- the stress, my reactions, and the sleep debt -- is not helping me keep my weight as well-maintained as I'd like. I am struggling lately, more than I would like. From reviewing my journals (yet another way tracking pays!), there isn't an issue with my food choices or the portions. So I don't know..... and if there's something that bothers me to no end, it's not having the answers.
What I do know is this: I am fighting myself, and I am losing. This is not a feeling I like. I don't like the moodiness, I don't like the tiredness, I don't like the exhaustion and exasperation I feel. I don't like me this way.
I'm not sure what the plan is right now. I'm not sure what is going to work. I have some ideas, but I need to ponder them a little more. I know there is an answer to all this. I have some ideas and possibilities, but I need to ponder them a little more before I take action.
Yep. It's time for an adjustment in a million ways. So I'm making the time on this holiday weekend to form a plan and make it work. I need to discover a regrouped, revised, refined, revitalized, reborn me. I like the sound of that.