Sunday, March 28, 2010

Quick link....

It's been a while since I've posted what's playing on my MP3 these days. So rather than this HUGE list here, I made a PDF file of it for everyone to see.

Of course, it has my comments/explanations as to why some songs are on there. Not that I really ever need to explain, but it helps me analyze why some are there..... and I took out about 10 or 12 as I was doing that process.

My Zen Playlist

Please enjoy, comment, etc. Would love to hear your thoughts!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

It's no excuse, but it might explain....

My weight is still up a bit, and I've followed things fairly well this week, except for one "blowout meal" on Sunday. And the very next meal, I got back on track, so no guilt. I've been drinking more water, got back to the gym (and plan another visit tomorrow morning), and have even been attempting to get more sleep (can't say I've completely succeeded.....). Yet, the weight is staying a bit higher (and for longer) than I would like.

Last week, my primary care doc wondered about my thyroid - if it might be underactive. I also spoke to my Gyn this week, since he had originally checked that last year, and he thought that it might not be an issue but couldn't hurt to keep an eye on. And then, another possible explanation -- not an excuse, but a possible "Eureka?" moment -- popped up.

Earlier this week, I had one of my "maintenance prescriptions" refilled (it's hormone therapy). The pharmacy called and said, "We're out of this today, but we can order it and have it in the morning." Okay, that's cool. So I stopped in the next morning to pick it up, only to have the pharmacist tell me, "Um, we can't get the generic of this anymore." OUUUUCCCCCHHHHHH. An $8 copay just jumped to a $35 one. EEK! Hadn't planned on that........ But hey, that's cool, just let me take the stuff and we'll just adjust to the brand-name variety. Or see if the mail-order pharmacy can supply the generic version -- although I admit that I thought it might not be possible (since it's basically the mail-order division of the brick-and-mortar pharmacy I use).

Earlier tonight, I checked out a messageboard and it mentioned some of the side effects of the generic--- OH MY LORD! Moodiness (I am the queen of it), weight gain (uh, you think?), irregular cycles (yep). That's just some of it. Can't tell me that hormones -- all the various kinds our bodies produce -- do not have an effect on our weight. You will not convince me otherwise. And if those are the effects of a generic versus the name-brand, then thank you, I'll pay the extra $27 to not have to deal with the yuckies.

So now where do I go? Well for starters, I stay on track, plain and simple. I eat healthy, in proper portions, I exercise, and I take care of myself. That's it. All this stuff with the medication is just a possible explanation - I still have to do the leg work.

And so it goes.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Going in reverse

in the good way!

This week has been a challenge..... when I stepped on the scale last Tuesday, after all the damage was done, I was up around 13 pounds. No. There is no way you can do THAT much damage in that short a time frame. But you know, I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and started again. I drank my water, ate far better and stayed within points. Got back to the gym (for just one day so far), but did other exercise as well throughout the week.

And you know something........ about 8 has come off so far. So I have another 10 days or so, and I will get the other 5 off. I'm getting back to the gym tomorrow morning (because I'm putting my happy butt to bed WAY earlier tonight). I'm continuing to eat and track, and to prepare healthy foods to take to work this week.

Sometimes when you're either stuck or gaining, one of the best things you can do is pretend that it's Week 1; to have that same level of enthusiasm, that same level of vigilance, and the same level of mindfulness. It really is starting all over again -- only knowing more now!

My other plan for this week is to really make sure my portions are in line. Not that I don't measure relentlessly. I have containers to carry things in by certain sizes (1/2 cup, 1 cup, etc.), but I don't always get to measure other things quite so well (meats, etc.). So I am taking a scale with me to work, just something to keep in the desk drawer for when I need it.

This week, let's all go forth and conquer!!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Wanna know the cost of the wages of indulgence?

I stepped on the scale this morning.

Allow me, if you will, this snapshot of my childhood: Sunday morning, 6:55 AM, Channel 4. There was a show of a gospel group (today it would be called "urban gospel") but they did this incredible a cappella version of "Lord, I'm Coming Home." Billy Graham could have used this in his crusades, it was that good. Okay, so stepping on the scale then seeing that number, well, I needed a Billy Graham style altar call, and I started humming, "Lord, I'm Coming Home" myself.

Yeah. It was that bad. I definitely fell off the wagon but I am NOT letting it roll over me on the way out of town. I will not lie trampled in the dust and broken. I am back. This morning, it was back to my usual breakfast in the usual portions. This afternoon, I plan a healthy lunch, and a stop by the gym after work. I still feel all puffy from the weekend, so water, water, water, with ONE can of diet soda for lunch (I think I still have a Diet Rite in the office - sodium free too!).

So what happened? Simple equation, really: too much food, not enough motion. Yeah, the same old thing that got me to the place where I was in May 2006. There were other things going on, but basically, I had choices and I chose wrongly. It really is just that plain. Am I going to beat myself up mercilessly? Probably, but not to the point I usually do.

I have roughly 2 weeks until the start of monthly weigh-in season. Will I be back to my old form? I don't know. All I can do is continue the journey back and see where it takes me.

Phoenix. I will rise from these ashes, stronger and better.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Brand New Day

Van Morrison's Moondance is without a doubt one of my "desert-island" CD's -- and one I can listen to over and over again without tiring of it. And one of my favorite songs on there is "Brand New Day" for many reasons.

Today is a brand new day. I have been on vacay, and believe me when I tell you .... I have SINNED. Yesterday (Saturday) was one of my biggest falls ever. I ate a huge breakfast -- amounts of food I have not eaten in forever. I ate more cake at the wedding rehearsal and reception than I have in the prior 3 years. Went out for real Memphis BBQ last night and ate the whole thing, with beans and slaw and even onion rings.

I woke up this morning still stuffed -- not just from the food but from too much salt, too much sugar, not enough water. Puffy and yucky feeling and even not stretched out enough. I sat at the breakfast nook table this morning at the hotel and did neck and shoulder stretches. Still all tensed up (which tells me that the shoulder stuff probably isn't just too much stress). Anyway, let's just say that this morning's lesson is definitely on the wages of indulgence.

So today is the brand new day. It is time to get back on track. I fell off the wagon yesterday but it is not going to roll over me. This lapse will not become a collapse. How've I done so far today? I had a much smaller breakfast this morning -- still not entirely perfect (as far as points) but far closer than the trough I used yesterday morning. I plan on eating lightly the rest of the day and doing what I can to ensure that I don't undo the good I have done.

I got the opportunity at the wedding to speak briefly with the groom's sister (who teaches kinesiology at one of the universities in Arkansas) and with his dad -- who also is a WW Lifetime member and staff member! That was supercool!

The brand new day is here for us all. Every moment can be a brand new day, if we so choose. Today, I need to choose wisely. Tomorrow, I need to keep choosing wisely and living the brand new day.

Friday, March 05, 2010

So, I was pondering

(yeah, imagine that.....)

Anyhow, so I was pondering some things on the way home last night. I was remembering another time of driving and pondering many years back -- I was contemplating the Gospel I'd heard that morning at Mass. (Stay with me, I promise this does eventually apply). In it, Jesus is going to heal someone and asks him a most curious question: "Do you want to be made well?"

On the surface, doesn't that just sound insane? Of course, we all want to be well...... don't we? Really, don't we? Truthfully, sometimes, the answer is "no" or "I'm not sure." We say that we want to be well, but what keeps us from wellness? Why do we want to stay stuck in a place where we aren't well, where we aren't doing our best to be our best? Why do we stay unwell in the status quo, when all we really need to do is want to be made well?

When we want to move to wellness and wholeness, then we will do whatever needs to be done to get there. We will respond to the longings of our hearts and souls and finally do whatever it is that catapults us to that place.

We have to want it.

So ....... do you want to be made well?

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

My long national nightmare is over....

so to speak.

Last night, we had a training session for WW employees. I figured as long as I was there ... and the scales were on ... so I did a courtesy weigh-in. The receptionist gave me the figure and I could not run back to my purse to get my pocket guide / weight record fast enough!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, only 0.6 above goal. YES!!!!! That's 6.4 pounds down from last month. Don't know what helped -- if everything just all fell together the way it was supposed to, or what. I refuse to question it.

And I learned lots of wonderful things that I can use in helping the members in our meeting.

WHEW!