Sunday, October 23, 2011

In a slightly reflective mood...

Just a few minutes ago, I was looking at pictures from my journey. Even as far as I have come, it never really ends. I think of the scene in Parenthood (the movie) where Jason Robards looks at Steve Martin and says, "There is no finish line, there is no end zone, there is no touchdown celebration." Sure there are little celebrations all along the way, and there's nothing wrong with setting a goal and reaching it.... in fact, we need to do that! But once we are there, all too often, we think, "Wahoo! We're done."

And we aren't.

But it's okay.

It's a great reminder that we're forever a work in progress, that nothing is ever really complete in our transformation, that there's always opportunity for improvement and for continuing success.

I have a birthday this week. It's a number that doesn't scare me at all.... in fact, I've always rather liked this number, not sure why, but I like it. It sounds good, something about it feels right to my soul. My life has always seemed to have a big change every 7 years, so I am going to expect one to pop up this year (it's that time). And I'm okay with that.

So one of the changes that I can do something about is the continuing re-transformation of myself. I will accept what cannot be changed, change what I can, and continually seek the wisdom to know the difference.

This week's plan: workout, 3 mornings this week. See the cardiologist as planned. And just breathe.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

There Is No Try, Only Do.

A few times throughout the last 5-1/2 years of weight loss, weight maintenance, etc. I have had a few fluke weeks -- sometimes an unexpected loss that would hold, and sometimes a weight spike that would come right back to normal the next week.

Part of me wants to think that was my week last week .... just one of those fluke things. There was no way I should have gained 4 pounds across a week, and especially given everything that happened (medically) in that week. But I also knew that there were moments I did not do well, and that was all on me. So I took my friend Angie's advice (Angie from "Successful Together"; link at right), and treated it like a Week 1. A total do-over, a recommitment moment, complete with 40 verses of "Just As I Am".... (ha!)

The result? 3.2 pounds back down!

***

Now for a quick update on the medical stuff: I met with my PCP, and while she had my lab results, she was way more concerned about the fainting episode. While the lab results may play a role in things, she doesn't want to put me on any meds .... at least not until we get the results back from the cardiology consult and/or tests. She is wondering if an arrhythmia is at play here that caused me to pass out. My pulse in her office was 55, even with a normal BP (112/80). I've heard the phrase bradycardia before, from my prior PCP too. The main thing that came out of the labwork is that I have a "sluggish" thyroid, not exactly hypoactive but not perfectly normal either. If the cardiac stuff comes back okay, then we can do thyroid meds and see where it takes me.

I'd be lying if I said, "Oh, no worries." I am a bit apprehensive. At the same time, I know that I am in good hands all the way around. So we wait and see.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

The end is here.....

Not to worry, I'm not breaking out into a 10-min Oedipal song by The Lizard King himself.......

This week, I had a medical incident happen. I was at a support group meeting when I passed out cold. The docs at the ER cannot find a reason why I should have fainted. I've been trying to be more proactive about my health, and I'll get the results from some in-depth tests this coming week -- and after the incident, I'll be perhaps having more.

As you all have seen, I haven't exactly been riding the good train for self-care this summer, at least as far as weight management has been concerned. I've piddled around and not really paid attention to what I was doing, or really cared. I really do believe that nothing merely happens by accident; there is reason and order and purpose to everything in life. If nothing else, this incident serves as a wake-up call. It's time to stop snoozing and start paying attention.

So the end of Summer Joyride 2011 is here. It is past time to once again get with the program, to treat myself far better than I have been, and depending on what these various tests will disclose, I may have no other choice than to be super-vigilant.

To be honest, I am scared. But knowledge is power.

Monday, October 03, 2011

Leaves

Here we are in October, my favorite month of the year. When I was a child, it was my favorite because it was my birthday month, and I believed that all sorts of good magic was afoot in my birthday month. Nothing was bad then. The leaves fell in the yard, and if everything was good, there would be enough of a pile by my birthday to jump into.

The unabashed joy of childhood ... well, once we get into the "real" world, we know where that goes, right? It doesn't have to. There is still good magic afoot. Right now, I'm on a small break from work, just a few days but enough to try to unwind, to recharge my batteries (beyond drained), and just enjoy what is.

What does all this have to do with a health/wellness/weight-loss-centered blog?

Everything.

Because as the leaves fall in my backyard (or at least should, hopefully, soon), it is time for me to reassess, to recharge, to take stock of where I am and where I want to go. The summer was not a good one for me. I lost focus, I lost sight of things. For way too long -- and I mean WAY too long -- I have been doing things just to get to the next moment, the next hour, the next day, of just going through the motions of life. Survival instead of really living each moment. That, my friends, is no way that I want to live. It is a sad place to be, and I choose now not to live there any longer.

I am choosing to honor myself by living more fully.
I am choosing to really think things out.
Is it easy? No.
Is it worthwhile? Very.

So as I take the time this week to recharge and revitalize myself, I also want to live more purposefully. I know that my body, my soul, my entire being will appreciate the effort, and respond in kind.

No more survivalist techniques - they only work for so long. And the results are usually less than desired.

Grateful, purposeful living. That's the place I want to be.