Tuesday, August 28, 2012

When determination pays off....

After last week's setback, I was determined not to fall into a funk but to just keep plowing on, and to keep going. And YAHOOEY! did it pay off -- I lost all that increase from last week and a little more!! I might have even had more but I enjoyed some really, really good ribs on Sunday with some friends....definitely worth the splurge!

So what's the plan this week?

Same as this week. Same as last week. Keep tracking, keep moving, keep making more good decisions than bad ones.

Keep breathing -- deeply, purposefully, mindfully. Keep listening to what my body is telling me -- I'm hungry; no, I'm good; ow! that hurt; I'm feeling good, let's do 2 more minutes!........

And success will come.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

What's that saying about pride and a fall....

because holy Moses, according to the scale, I not only fell from Grace, but probably on her as well. It said I had gained back everything.

Okay, whatev. I am choosing not to believe the scale.

Did I do everything right? No..... primarily in that while the week before was Shark Week, this was Manatee Week (as in water-retaining sea cow, thank you Jeff Foxworthy!) I didn't always make the best choice in that I ate more processed food than I should have. Worst was when I made a great recipe with a higher-sodium ingredient that I normally would have. And while there's no pressing physical or medical need for me to control my sodium (hypertension, etc.), the cardiac history in my families is enough to make me try to watch it as much as possible..... that and one of my meds might lead to retention. Que sera, sera.

But I'm more proud of my non-scale victories, of the things I did right. I worked out. I tracked every day, including the times I went into the weekly points allowance. I paid myself for my workouts. I even got up early to go work out (and today's after-work gym trip was a great reminder of why I should go in the mornings). Yeah, I'm pretty damn proud of all that!

So this week, it comes right back off....again. And I'm never going to stop trying to do my best. I know now what to look for, and will make sure that I watch myself a little more carefully. That's all I can do.... and I'm worth it!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Looking back a moment....

Okay, stats for this week, down 3.2 more! WAHOO!!!! Planning does pay off, huh? Who'd a-thunk, right?

So..... I was sitting at the meeting this week and speaking with another member. She mentioned that she'd heard part of my story, and as we were talking, she said, "Wow, I bet your numbers at the doctor's office went way down." I said, "Well, I don't know..... my numbers were usually pretty good to begin with, no hypertension, no diabetes, none of the usual things. But then again, I didn't go for annual physicals, just whenever I needed to. I hated the doctor's office." She looked puzzled and I said, "Well, if I'm in there with a cough, I'm not there to be told that I need to go on a diet." She nodded, laughed and said, "Yeah, true....."

I hated the thought of going to a doctor's office, knowing they were going to put me on a scale. It finally reached the point that I simply said, "I'd rather not, that's not why I am here." The "nice" thing about a small-town family doctor who'd treated you most of your life is that they didn't put up a fight. Of course, that's the same reason that a few years later, I changed doctors, but that's another story.

At one point, I even told one of the Wheel of Doctors (an ever-rotating group of younger GP's who didn't stay too long in the practice) this: "I'm here because my face feels like it's about to explode. I've had enough sinus infections and sinus headaches to know what they are. If I could write myself a prescription for a Z-Pack, I would. I know I'm overweight and I know I need to lose. Okay? But that's not why I am here."

The odd thing is that now that I'm way smaller physically, I'm spending more time and energy in doctor's offices. But I don't mind. I no longer fear going. Rather, I look at it as finally being a participant in my own health and well-being........... something we should do no matter what our size is.

And while doctors and medical personnel do need to help their overweight patients, they also need to meet the person where they are at that moment, and recognize when the person is really truly ready to make a change. They need to be honest and let people know where they stand, without scaring the absolute bejeezus out of them, and offer real solutions...... not a pamphlet with an 1800-calorie diet and say, "Best of luck!" (Can't count the times that happened). I was lucky enough to have a doctor -- not even my primary care physician -- do that for me. He met me where I was, at my worst place, explained how my weight was impacting my health (at least for what I saw him for), and gave me options to make it possible. WOW. Imagine that..... working with a patient instead of herding him/her through like another cow in the stalls.

And if you are overweight and scared of the doctor's office ..... don't be. I know, easy to say. But you have to own your health and work your butt off to improve things wherever you are. My family jokes with me and say, "You know, you've had more health problems since you lost the weight...." and I think, "I could be dead right now. No thanks, I'll take needles and labwork, and doctor's visits, and using 3-4 days of PTO a year if I have to just to stay on the road to wellness. Worth EVERY moment, every dollar, and every breath."

Saturday, August 11, 2012

BAM!!!

This thought occurred to me just a few moments ago, and I knew that if I didn't put it down SOMEWHERE, I would forever forget it...... and it actually made me stop what I was doing long enough to really think about it.

Knowing what it takes to succeed is not the same as being aware that you have what it takes to succeed.

If you're reading this, stop. Go back. Re-read the bold print. Slowly. Carefully. (Proofread for me, if you'd like.)

Welcome to my reality prior to May 2006.

I knew what it took to lose weight. I had every diet book (except low-carb stuff) on the shelf. I could read, absorb knowledge, and on occasion, attempt to put those things into practice. I. KNEW. This. Stuff. But I didn't know my stuff. I didn't know that I had in me what it would take to lose the weight...... okay, scratch that. I wasn't aware that I had what it took. It was buried deep enough that I hadn't discovered it yet.

One day, when I opened myself up to the possibility that maybe I didn't have it all, maybe I didn't know it all, and that I needed some guidance and help, then everything seemed to click together. Only then did I realize that I'd had the power all along........ and like Dorothy Gale, I had to learn it on my own. As much as someone could have told me I had the power -- and people did, in their own ways -- it was not until I made that realization for myself that it all began to work. Only I could fire up my own cylinders.

As I work my way back toward my goal, I am finding that yes, I knew these things still ..... but I had lost cognizance that I knew these things, and lost a little faith in my own abilities. I became less aware of all of these things.

And as much as it PAINS me to even imagine using a Celine Dion song here (so I'll claim Jim Steinman), "It's all coming back to me now......"

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Dear Universe,

This week, I decided that I was important.

Okay, allow me to rephrase a little. I decided that I was important enough to stop letting other people and other forces to control my time and energy. I'm not sure how I managed to cede that power over to them, but it doesn't matter, really. What matters is that I take it back.

So the haphazard, harried nature that my life has become must now cease. Tombstoning it, baby. A little more order is in order. A little more control over my choices, my time, my energies, with just enough flexibility for those little curveballs you're so fond of zinging toward me.

I decide what. I decide when. I decide where, who, why, how. Some of those elements may not be within my power to control, but I'm claiming the ones that are possible within a particular situation.

It is time for me to reclaim my life. For the last year, it's been everyone else's schedule -- when they can fit me in, or when I can squeeze in a moment for this that or the other. No. This has to stop.

Like the song says, my soul's been in the lost and found .......  but I'm here to get it back. I'm the only one who knows its value anyway, so I'm the only one who has say over it.

Yeah. I'm worth it.

And now time to put another little prayer out to the Universe -- for everyone else who's in the same situation, feeling lost and unfocused and out-of-sorts. Let's all mosey over to L&F and get ourselves back.