Thursday, March 29, 2007

Who are your role models?

Tonight's weigh-in was good --- another 1.8 pounds gone, for a total of 94.2 pounds lighter.

Tonight's topic was about who inspires us. I have had lots of people tell me that I am inspiring to them -- and I do appreciate it so much. But it made me wonder who inspired me -- who have I admired and looked up to as I've been on this journey? This week, I'm going to think more about this question. And write on it when I can.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I love being a loser.....

Another 1.6 down, for a total of 92.4 overall in 46 weeks. Holy crapola. I can barely believe it!!!!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

(Thanks, David Bowie).

I've worn plus sizes since my teens. But over time, I even went beyond those into what is now known as "extended plus" .... you can't find those in regular department stores or most clothing stores. They can be found in specialty stores: Avenue, Catherine's, for a while Lane Bryant, and so forth.

For a long time, I got my clothes from a local re-distribution outlet for mall stores/catalog/outlet wear. Most of the clothing was from the previous year's catalog. That never bothered me, because I didn't care if it was a year old or not. It was inexpensive and (more importantly) in my size. But then it got to the point that their selection started to be kind of junky, especially in those larger sizes. Awful knits and ugly stuff. Then it was back to the more expensive specialty shops. It was then that I learned how to shop clearance areas for the best stuff my money could buy. As long as it fit and was marked down at least fairly reasonably, I bought it.

As I've lost the weight, I've noticed the sizes going down -- and that has been really nice! I've still been shopping at the specialty stores, primarily because I've been going there so long and I'm comfortable there. But the last couple of weekends, I have spent time in various dressing rooms of various stores.

Last Sunday, it was in Stein Mart -- a place I have gone into many times, but never to buy clothing. But I decided to go look and try on -- what could it hurt? I bought 2 shirts that day. And just about cried with joy. And I still got them from clearance because I want the best bang for my buck (er, so to speak).

Today, it was Ross. Now I wasn't crazy about the crammed-in racks, or the lack of signage for the plus sizes .... but I was head over heels for a jean jacket!! It's a little snug in the sleeves (but then again, I tried it on over a sweater), but it's the first one I've owned in years. And over a t-shirt this spring? Perfect. Oh yeah, I bought an apple-red tee to go with it....

Then I went to the mall -- again for the first time in ages. I stopped at Goody's, and they had nice enough stuff (and a SUPER sweet 50% off sale!) .... but nothing really caught my eye as a "gotta-have" (yes, even at 50% off). So out into the mall I went. I went down to Belk, where they too were having a half-off sale on certain items, and 30% off most of the others. I found a couple of items to try on. The shirt was too snug in the sleeves -- back it went. The pants were a nice fit ... but the fabric just didn't feel right to me. The size? A size smaller than my smallest pair of pants right now. That part was sweet -- just not sweet enough to make me buy (again, even at half-off).

But I still walked out with a smile on my face -- because for the first time in about 15 years, I am shopping in regular stores. Still in the plus-size sections, but in regular ol' department stores.

Incidentally, just for kicks and giggles, I went back to the mall-catalog clearance outlet store -- you never know. I am sad to report that the plus-size section (even in the non-extended sizes) was far worse than it used to be. At one time, this particular location had a separate store just for plus sizes, and they had excellent stock -- nicer quality things, in a variety of sizes. When they merged with their regular-size store, both the quality and quantity levels have gone far downhill. It's a shame too......

Of course, the other kicker was that I noticed my skin in the mirror..... time to start researching plastic surgeons! Oy vey! It's starting to get kinda saggy, and I know that eventually I'll need the excess skin removed. Wonder if I can get Dr. 90210 to do some pro bono work??

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I can hardly believe it!

Tonight's weigh-in: -1.4 pounds.
Total since May 11: -90.8 pounds.

Only 9.2 pounds to go until 100....... I never imagined I would get here, and have fun doing it. I still have a long way to go, to be certain. But I've made it this far. I can't -- won't -- stop now.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Childhood remembrances

Regular readers of my main blog (Meanderings and Musings) may remember me speaking last January about the passing of my childhood friend Tee from breast cancer. One of the things that I have vowed I will do this year is walk in the Race for the Cure in September in her memory, and in honor of my aunt (who is a 15+ year survivor of breast cancer). Today would have been Tee's 38th birthday. I am still pissed about that. Breast cancer should not rob a husband of his wife, two children of their mother, two parents of yet another child (one of Tee's brother had passed away a few years earlier).

But tonight, we celebrated my father's birthday (from last Tuesday) and my brother's (this coming Monday) with dinner at our town's Greek/Italian restaurant. It's only about 2, maybe 2-1/2 blocks from the house, on the southernish edge of the business district. At dinner, my brother and I spoke of another nearby place which had been a convenience store when we were kids. It's now an ABC or red-dot store -- meaning state-licensed to sell alcoholic beverages.

I mentioned offhandedly that I missed the Speedy Mart, that Tee and I used to walk up there at least 2 or 3 times a week in the summer, armed with about 50 cents, and could come out with a buttload of candy. Most of it was 2 for a nickel. Maybe a nickel each for the deluxe or jumbo varieties. Atomic Fireballs, Sugar Daddy, Lemon Drops. Maybe if we felt like REALLY splurging, we'd buy Pop Rocks (mmm! Pop Rocks!) and feel them explode all in our mouths.

Not long after my little trip down memory lane, my dad asked if I had my Powerball tickets for tonight's drawing. I responded that I would be picking them up soon. I had ridden to the restaurant with them, and figured we'd just run into the convenience store around the corner. And it hit me. I could walk home .... I could stop at the convenience store -- only a half-block if that much from the restaurant, then the two blocks home. Yes! By God, what a brilliant idea. So what if it's 7:45 and dark out?

So I did just that. I stopped at the store, bought two tickets, and began the short walk home. I remembered the times that Tee and I had walked this path so many times. I remembered another girl and I walking this way every day from school when we were in junior high. I thought of how much I hated walking home from school -- not because it was activity or because I hated to exercise. It hit me tonight on the walk home that it labeled me as a latchkey kid ... not that plenty of other kids at my school didn't have the same situation, but I just never liked the thought. I'd walk across from school over to the parking lot filled with student and parent cars ... and think, "Someday. Someday." Occasionally a neighbor or friend would take pity, especially in rainy weather, but those times were few and far between.

When my brother later went to that school -- then (and now) the middle school -- he had to walk home in 5th grade. In 6th grade, I was there to pick him up each day, in my big ol' honkin' car. I had a dog then ... what I should have done was meet him there with the dog and the three of us walk home, just like I'd done all those years ago. Instead I sat in my car, with the dog next to me some days, eating a Snickers bar and washing it down with a Jolt cola. BAD move. Twenty-five years after those initial walks home from school, I wish I had a do-over. I would have enjoyed the walks more. I would have relished that time and the good it was doing me.

So tonight, I enjoyed the short walk home, even in the dark and even with a very unfamiliar dog coming up behind me. When I got home, my mother said, "That was quick!" I guess it was. I just walked at my normal pace, which apparently has improved dramatically.

I thought of Tee as I walked, not just for the times we'd traveled those sidewalks, but for the paths we would never travel again. The path I am currently traveling, and the one I will encounter this September as I walk in her name.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Another pound down ....

and just a half-pound from 90 pounds.

I never imagined that 10 months ago, I would be 90 pounds lighter. I never imagined that I could enjoy the process as much as I have. I marvel at the way I am changing .... slowly and imperceptibly at times, but then I see it and go "When did THAT happen?"

I know that I have a long way to go, but I can't wait to see how it's all going to turn out!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Back on track.....

Last week ... well, all this past week ... has been weird. Last Thursday, when I wrote my post, I had had a very bad afternoon at work. I honestly believe part of my gain was due less to a bad day of eating or (in my case) not eating enough -- and more to the emotional weight. Emotions carry weight; I know that can never be proven, but I believe it. Guilt, stress, sadness -- all weighty emotions.

Anyway, this week, I'm back on track. I lost 2.8 --- all that I'd gained last week and 2 more pounds, and am now down a total of 88.4 pounds! That's seventeen 5-pound bags of sugar (and then some). Five rather large Thanksgiving turkeys (and a small turkey breast). About 10 gallons of milk.

I was discussing this with a coworker today -- she has lost a lot of weight over the years and is one of my cheerleaders. We were talking about it and how much more I have to go. I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there and have come so much further than I ever expected.

I am proud of my achievements so far, and can't wait to see how it all turns out!