Today, I had another fitness meeting with my trainer for Wellness Works (through the Y). She and I discussed where I'd come from, where I am going, and what I want to do.
One of the things we discussed was consistency versus intensity. Most people do not realize this about me, because I mask it very well. I am a very intense person. My amps go all the way to 11. Part of that comes from being a large person all my life and always feeling that I had to do things better, faster, more fantastically, because I had more to prove to people: that fatties aren't lazy, etc. So while I look all meek-n-mild and sweetness-n-light on the surface, trust me: the intensity and drive lurk underneath and fuel everything.
So for the last few weeks, I've been doing a treadmill pace of roughly 22 minutes/mile (around 2.8 MPH) -- NOT what I want. I would love an average pace of 17:30 (around 3.5ish). At the same time, I am very cognizant of what my target heart rates are, and am trying to stay within a certain range (between 142-152 bpm). So I've done inclines, sped-up intervals, the whole shebang. Oddly enough, sounding too much like the mother in D.H. Lawrence's The Rocking-Horse Winner: "There must be more results -- there must be more results."
And there is Melissa, telling me that she wants me to slow it down in order to be more consistent. To exercise at a level of 5-7 instead of 8 or 9. WHAT? ME? You must be kidding. And there is Debbie, my WW leader, reminding me that 2 pounds a week should be the most I want to lose in a week.
And here I am, thinking, "Slow it down? Why would I want to? No! I like my pace, I like the results...."
And then there is the internal Shaolin master saying, "Patience, grasshopper."
(insert big heaving sigh here)
Can I learn to slow things down? To enjoy things as they come instead of pushing myself too hard, and possibly setting myself up for failure? To be more focused on what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, instead of worrying about how it's going to turn out?