Weighty Matters

John Legend, you are indeed living up to the moniker: This is phenomenal. And I love that many  different ladies are represented -- ladies of all sizes, ages, ethnicities, abilities...... The two that got me were the lady who removed her wig to reveal a bald head (presumably from chemo?) and the one who removed her bra to show the scars of a mastectomy. And all  of them are beautiful. Have you told yourself that lately? Have you looked in that mirror and told yourself that the sunspots or crooked teeth or two teensy freckles don't matter -- especially given that no one  but you and maybe your significant other know these "imperfections" even exist? That the curves are okay, you're not necessarily meant to look like an 8-year-old child anymore? That you are here and you matter, and there are people who care more about YOU than just  merely the body you occupy -- and that the most important people in your life (yourself included) should care more about you than j...

There's a piece of glass that we all love to hate. It has this silvery-like paint on one side that throws a reflection of ourselves back to us. Many are the curses hurled at this innocent little piece of glass. I am no exception. I have never been much of a fan of mirrors for years.... and lately, as time marches on and leaves little footprints in its wake across my face, I'm finding myself looking and thinking, "Who is that person?" Then there are the times I look in it and think, "Dang girl.... you are looking awesome!" Lately, however, those are not words I have uttered. It has instead heard words of disgust, of worry, of the variety that make me say, "Great, whatever, you look like (insert a favorite expletive or several here)......" So here it is on the line: the last almost-three years have been full of some things that would cause the average person to throw up their hands and say "I QUIT" about 4 months into it: heart arrhy...

Take it from me I have had to learn this lesson in the most unpleasant, literally painful way. If you do not take care of yourself -- in big ways and small -- it will come back to bite you in a most unexpected and not very nice way. TRUST ME when I tell you to do this for yourself. Self-care includes eating right, getting in activity, proper sleep ( yes, I *mean* this ), hobbies, recreation, de-stressing, connections (and not just online ones), and finding your perfect balance -- which very likely is NOT the perfect balance that someone else has. Take care of yourself. No one else will. People will help, but they cannot, e-v-e-r, care for you and give your body, mind, and spirit what it needs. ONLY you can do that for yourself.  DO IT.

I hadn't posted much lately -- for lots of reasons. One, I wasn't sure I really had anything of importance to say. I wasn't sure that anyone really wanted to hear my story, my struggles, my failings, just my triumphs and successes. Part of me would think, "No, that's not right. People need to know that you can bounce back, that it's okay to have dark moments of the journey....." and then this other part of me would think, "But I *can't*!!!! You don't understand!!! I have to be 'on,' all day every day!" Warped, huh? Without going into laborious detail, there's a lot on my life plate that has very little to do with weight loss, with body image, etc. and yet ties into it on a very intimate level that only those of us who struggle mightily with it can begin to understand: how we can feel so put out by things that actually are not in our control so we work hard to control what we can -- but end up creating more stress when those pl...

Do you deserve to be happy? Do you deserve to be healthy? Do you deserve to be loved .... no, I mean, really loved by the one earthly person who can fill the gaping hole in your heart that is waiting to be filled with love that you give to yourself? WHOA. Where did that come from? Please, let me show you..... (from Lissa Rankin, MD; blogger at owningpink.com  and author of  Mind Over Medicine ) Stop. Stop, really. Just read and read and re-read, and let it sink deeeeeeeeep into your soul.  That was something where I saw it, read it, re-read it, and had to get up and walk off for a minute. It amazes me sometimes how easily we forget this -- we forget to take care of ourselves. We're taught that we always  have to put others first. We are selfish if we dare to consider that we are worthy of our own time .... that the needs of our families, our community organizations, our churches, our extended families and friends always are far more important of our...

This wasn't a "hmm" moment. This was a complete "BAM! WHAMMY! HEY YOU!!!!" moment. Oh, planning during the storm? Massive, epic FAIL. Then again, I worked a full 8 hours each day I was home. It did not let up! Yeah, no rest for the weary. I really was so exhausted at the end of each day that I pretty much took a nap after work. Yep, made it from the kitchen table to the recliner and {zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz} . And how did that work for me? An even more epic FAIL. I don't even want to discuss how far from grace I fell. I'm a little angry at myself because I know better. I'm mortified because I should do better. But I am not going to beat myself up. Why? Because I had a revelation this weekend that is helping to crack open some things.  I'm not sure why, since Christmas, I've been going in the opposite direction of where I want to go. I had been doing pretty well in December and yet so badly since then. I have no idea, really. The only two things t...

Thank you, Mother Nature, Old Man Winter, God, and everyone else responsible for Snowmageddon-to-Come 2014. I think they're officially calling this one "Winter Storm Pax" (PAX? Have you been cooped up with your family for days? Think "The Shining"....) Anyhow, if "Pax" is as bad as the predictions say it will be, I will be at home and working from here for a couple of days. That will also give me a precious 90 minutes to 2 hours a day back into my schedule that won't be spent on the road commuting... and which I can use for planning! You see, in thinking about things over the last couple of days, I've realized I need to plan much more than my meals, my exercise, etc. I need a far better grip on my life in general. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of feeling that I've lost control of my own life. It is past time for me to reclaim myself, my time, my life, my health. Notice that "my health" is last in line there -...

I apologize for the lack of posts. The last couple of weeks have been .... strange. Yes, strange. Short of it is that I'm still trying to figure out the effects of my new medicines on me (still far too tired in the mornings but not fall-asleep-groggy). I also had to deal with a post-nasal thing, allergy-related, where the back of my throat was scratchy-yucky, and I'm just now, three weeks later, beginning to come out from that. The weather ... well, let's not even discuss. Suffice to say I was over winter by 12/22, and am so ready for spring to arrive that I can hardly wait. We had some changes at work which resulted in me having to train a couple of people -- one to start and when she didn't work out, I had to do it again for someone else (who seems very eager and willing to learn and work). And worst of all, I also experienced the deep sadness of losing a very dear friend during this time frame, and it threw me for a loop. I have not been mentally back in the game u...

This past week in weight-loss: maintained. I was so thrilled I could have cried. Who knows about this week, but you know, I'm not even freaking out about it...... I had a yoga workshop today that was absolutely phenomenal. I'm working to create a variety of home practices for those times when attending as many classes as I'd like is limited (by time, money, my normal schedule, etc.). One of the things that Linda, our teacher, discussed was the concept that keeps getting hammered home of self-care ..... that we cannot care for others until we care for ourselves. We further mentioned the idea of excuses .... of knowing what we have to do, and still coming up with every reason not to do them. I have to admit my mind wandered for just the briefest of moments. I thought to a friend of mine who has made some ah-mayyyyyyy-zing strides this year in therapy and self-care, and I could almost hear her saying something along the lines of, "Excuses are for the times we just don...

2014 is starting out a bit like 2013: in a doctor's office. Up a bit at the scale. Only this time I have a few more answers. I have a sixth sinus infection, just wrapped up the prednisone dosage, still working the antibiotics, have a new nighttime-only antihistamine, and Topamax (also bedtime only) for the headaches. Last night was my first dosage for that.... today was my first day and I can't wait until it actually begins to get into my system and build up. Because even on this lowest dosage, I have been ... groggy? out of it? yeah? most of the day. But, back to the topic of the blog itself: so I was up 1.4 this week. Can I blame the polar vortex? the prednisone? my own laziness? Oh, wait.... Well yeah, that pretty much sums it up. No one to blame but me. But guess what, it's also up to me to get this off again. So two days in a row at the gym (so far) and plans to work out at home tomorrow after work. Sunday is supposed to be sunny again (hooray!) so Mr. Maddox will ge...

2013 has been a pretty decent year. I didn't make it back to goal -- yet. In fact, some people would say it wasn't very successful, as I'm pretty much at the same place I was on 1-Jan-13. These people would be dead wrong. To recount, I've had more headaches (whether migraine-related or not) in 12 months than I probably had in the 3 years before that. Add five sinus infections and various antibiotics and steroids into the mix (including my daily Flonase). Surprise job changes and other stress galore. Add to that all the things of a regular life: watching family members and dear friends go through various struggles; celebrating births and mourning losses; making time for myself and finding that balance is an illusion........ I think nothing's ever balanced, you just have to know which plate to spin a little faster sometimes. Do I wish my weight were even two pounds less? Well yeah. But at the same time, I find that I am not going to stress over it. It is not worth...

Well, it's actually been a crazy year for me health-wise, and December was no exception. I started out with yet ANOTHER sinus infection, followed by a trip to my ENT who said, "Wait, you may not have had an infection after all....." Apparently, I have chronic rhinitis - meaning, I'll always be a little stuffier than others, I'll probably be a little more susceptible to nasal junk. And I had a six-day headache that went along with this latest thing .... which did NOT make Dr. W very happy at all. So he sent me back to my primary doc for a neurology referral. FINALLY. Well, as part of this last possible infection (which I still think was one after all), they gave me prednisone. Any of you who have taken it know what I'm about to say -- add 3 holiday parties to the same week, and you can imagine what that does at the scale. Not only did I retain more water than a manatee, but I ate my way through G-vegas and Mootown at the parties. Stepped up on the scale fully...

First, oh my goodness!! It's been an incredibly crazy month for me as I have transitioned to a new role in my M-F job, gone to baby showers, wedding showers, etc., worked my way around a sinus infection (yes, another one; 4th this year - UGH!), and just run myself ragged....... Well, winter has apparently decided to arrive early this year, as our temperatures went from 60s on Friday to mid-40s tops today -- and will be there all week .... and into the next, from what I see projected. BRRRRRR!!!! One downside to losing this much weight is that I lost my insulation! Let's face it -- body fat does keep us warm! I was never this cold-natured until I lost the weight .... but I have NO desire to put it back on just to stay warm! But this change of temperature also puts a kibbosh on my morning walks now. Getting up even earlier to bundle up to go walk out in the cold morning air -- when I pay good money for a gym membership and can do it in relative comfort, even on a "dreadm...

It was May 2006. It was the first night I joined Weight Watchers and our meeting topic that week was all about "activity" (because no one likes the word exercise , especially when you had as much to lose as I did). My leader asked us all to increase what we did, even if it was just a little each day, or a little extra each week, building ourselves up as we went along. And she said, "Even if you're doing absolutely nothing at all, just try 5 minutes a day. It's better than nothing, but just 5 minutes a day." I thought to myself, "Okay, I can do that. If I walk out to {family friend}'s house and back, that would be five minutes!" Well, I completely over-estimated my capabilities that first time I tried it (the next day). The two-block walk out there and back took me around 10 minutes, and I huffed and puffed the entire time. I was practically vacuuming in the fresh air, truly sucking wind! Okay, it didn't help that it was hotter than blazes...

I went camping this weekend -- just me, my dog, a tent, a cooler, my car, and a reservation at a state park. I ended up cutting the visit short due to an infinite number of bites from infinitesimally small insects which never should have made their way to the Ark, but that's another tale for another blog. I was close enough to town that if I'd needed to, I could have gone back for meals, but what's the fun in that? Half the joy is in living off what you can bring with you. So I brought a propane campstove (borrowed from some friends), a whistling kettle from my kitchen, some oatmeal and some dehydrated egg cups for breakfast, and stopped on the way for other things I'd need for the long weekend: salad mix, chunk chicken, lo-carb tortillas for wraps, a small veggie tray (tomatoes, baby carrots, broccoli florets), almonds for snacks, and baggies of dogfood for my pet. And when I got nearer to the state park, I stopped at a grocery store for some deli turkey and some che...

It is astounding to imagine. We hear so much of the obesity crisis in the US -- that we're killing ourselves by the spoonful or forkful, that our heavily processed food is leading to diseases which should be easily preventable by eating correctly, that we're raising the first generation that may not outlive its parents...... And there is yet a hunger issue in this country. Seventeen percent -- one in six -- does not have enough access to food to sustain a healthy life. To see this and other staggering statistics on food and poverty, just visit Feeding America 's website. I knew many of these statistics, and it still broke my heart. 33.5 million adults, 16.7 million children. Many receive benefits, but it may not be enough. My last semester in college was the closest I came to experiencing even a fraction of this. I was 21, almost 22, taking only 2 classes, and working the rest of the time, and there was never, ever enough money to go around. Between the utilities, tr...

I got back to some  of the basics I mentioned last week -- I still didn't do everything perfectly, but I did what I set out to do. I accepted the fact that some days would be better than others because of the lymphedema. I changed what I could (including the daily chocolate piece, knocked it down to only twice). And I rested at times when I should  have been running around trying to do more than I could say grace over. (Should is another ugly word, sometimes). The results? Down 2.2!!!! I'll take it! I actually had lost 2.6 as of the weekend, but I'll gladly take the 2.2 pounds! The plan for this week? The same, with a little extra work -- doing the meat-and-two at lunch instead of running out for something because I've been too lazy to cook...... I actually started that this week and so far so good. Today was an exception because I had some dental work done. But at least I have my lunch ready to go for tomorrow! And I plan to be at the gym in the morning, and gettin...

Either way, it's time to get back to the basics of......... Not gonna sugarcoat it, I have been struggling, dancing around the same 4-5 pounds for a few weeks now. I've stepped up my exercise and it doesn't appear to help (at least not recently). My stress levels are out the roof (and not just from this struggle). The last couple of weeks have been a real battle with one of the worst enemies ever: self-doubt. Why? I know I can succeed .... So what's a girl to do? I talked it out with a couple of good friends who also have been there, succeeded, had struggles, and are overcoming them. They have given me some good things to mull over .... and mostly just letting me talk it out and to lead me down a path where I can find the solution(s) that will work best for me and my life. And it's pretty simple, when I think about it: Accept the things I cannot change.  I've got a chronic condition in which I retain fluid -- and not a situation in which basic diuretics ar...

This month at WW, our "Routine of the Month" is on getting enough sleep (7-8 hours) ...... an area where I am WOEFULLY deficient, at least in amount of sleep. As far as quality, I suppose it's pretty good. When I fall asleep, it is nearly immediately, and always a good deep sleep. I might get up once during the night for a potty break (sorry, TMI), but I more or less do it sleepwalking..... meaning, I wake up just enough to make my way to the bathroom, do what's necessary, and go right back to that deep sleep. But quantity is sorely lacking. I fall asleep around 11:30 at the latest, and wake up around 4:40 each morning. Yes, you are reading that correctly. I am averaging 5 hours a night. Yes, I crash on the weekends occasionally (but I have to wake up on Saturdays at the same time for my weekend work). I do nap on occasion (usually weekend afternoons) -- and still go to bed at the normal time. So this month, to help myself and to "test" the routine, I...

Last year, to commemorate the end of our Spring 2012 "Live Life Active" campaign, Sheri and I did a Bike Ride  as a way to show our members different ways to do fitness. You'll have to read the post to see how it went last year. So we decided to do it again, on the anniversary this year, and..............OOPS! I had to take my newer bike in (the road/hybrid one) for a repair. I kept having problems with it staying in gear, and the chain kept slipping. One night, as Sheri and I went for a practice ride, we weren't even a mile in and CHONKINGY! went my bike. I could not put it into a new gear at all. In fact, I couldn't even ride it. I had to push it back to her house --- not a bad idea since 15 minutes later, the skies opened and it all fell out. I took it to a bike shop near work, sure that it was the chainrings, and dreading the cost. You see I'd checked them out online that night and HOLY COW! I could buy a new bike for that price. As it all turned out, my...