Tuesday, December 31, 2013

All Things Considered....

2013 has been a pretty decent year. I didn't make it back to goal -- yet. In fact, some people would say it wasn't very successful, as I'm pretty much at the same place I was on 1-Jan-13. These people would be dead wrong.

To recount, I've had more headaches (whether migraine-related or not) in 12 months than I probably had in the 3 years before that. Add five sinus infections and various antibiotics and steroids into the mix (including my daily Flonase). Surprise job changes and other stress galore. Add to that all the things of a regular life: watching family members and dear friends go through various struggles; celebrating births and mourning losses; making time for myself and finding that balance is an illusion........ I think nothing's ever balanced, you just have to know which plate to spin a little faster sometimes.

Do I wish my weight were even two pounds less? Well yeah. But at the same time, I find that I am not going to stress over it. It is not worth my peace of mind or my sanity to freak out over the scale. This is the year I defined my relationship to the scale: all the scale reflects is just how much gravity it takes to hold my awesome spirit closer to Earth. Sometimes, it just takes a little more. I'm not measuring my self-worth or defining my success or failure by the numbers. Took me long enough, right?

Yeah, it did. When I was in my primary weight loss process, it was a strong competition with myself. It was do or die and I treated it as such. It was a conquest and I would not lose. But I realized that I could not always overcome 30+ years of thought patterns and processes, and traits which seemed ingrained so deeply, even after all the changes I'd made. Even now, I have moments when they come rearing up ..... especially with the headaches this year. For example: whenever I'd have a headache in my childhood or teen years, my mother's first question was always, "Well, when did you last eat? Are you hungry? Here, have a little something." And sometimes she was right..... but a lot of times, not. And when those headaches come around, all I can think of is, "Must have food. Need a sugar boost. Eat. Now." And I find myself nibbling on something...... NO NO NO! Any other time, I'd stop and think, "Am I really hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired? What emotion am I trying to stuff with food?" But with a headache, there's so much physical pain that I cannot think rationally ... all I know is that I need to stop the pain somehow.

But what did I do right this year to counterbalance all this? Worked out more -- and had a really good friend (Sheri) who helped me through it. She was my accountability buddy all summer and fall, and now that it's winter, I am still accountable to her via MapMyWalk (I post my workouts at the gym when I am finished with them). That way, she knows I've done something AND there's a record of when I was there at the gym desk. We also meet on Fridays at the gym so that she can work out before her workday starts.

I took activity vacations. I didn't go many places this year, but the vacations I took were all centered around activity (or the potential for it). I went biking in May (17 miles of flat-flat-flat .... great gravy, were my quads sore!) and camping in October (trailside = haul in all the gear from the vehicle to the site) -- with tons of walking, which is easy to do with a dog along! I didn't get to do nearly as many 5K's but there's always this year. (Speaking of, I am SO sad that the Resolution Run got moved from NYEve to the Saturday after, but I get it.....).

I did yoga, but not nearly as often as I'd like. So in January, I'm taking a workshop on how to create a home practice. Even if it's 5-10 minutes each morning, and 5-10 minutes each evening, I need to practice the art of meditation, of opening my heart to the day, of finding time within the day to listen to my body's aches and figure out how to alleviate them.

So what lies ahead?

More of the same. Maybe more vacations. Lots more relaxation. Hopefully some answers to these NAGGING pain-in-the-tuckus headaches. (Can you tell I have one right now?)

And more blogging. I've been very inconsistent, and need to do better by you, my faithful, loyal readers. Many of you have been with me from the very beginning, and I need to remember to do right by you. I'm going to aim for weekly posts.

All things considered ...... well, I'm proud to have survived this year. Thrived, all things considered.

Yeah. I like that!

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