Weighty Matters

2013 has been a pretty decent year. I didn't make it back to goal -- yet. In fact, some people would say it wasn't very successful, as I'm pretty much at the same place I was on 1-Jan-13. These people would be dead wrong. To recount, I've had more headaches (whether migraine-related or not) in 12 months than I probably had in the 3 years before that. Add five sinus infections and various antibiotics and steroids into the mix (including my daily Flonase). Surprise job changes and other stress galore. Add to that all the things of a regular life: watching family members and dear friends go through various struggles; celebrating births and mourning losses; making time for myself and finding that balance is an illusion........ I think nothing's ever balanced, you just have to know which plate to spin a little faster sometimes. Do I wish my weight were even two pounds less? Well yeah. But at the same time, I find that I am not going to stress over it. It is not worth...

Well, it's actually been a crazy year for me health-wise, and December was no exception. I started out with yet ANOTHER sinus infection, followed by a trip to my ENT who said, "Wait, you may not have had an infection after all....." Apparently, I have chronic rhinitis - meaning, I'll always be a little stuffier than others, I'll probably be a little more susceptible to nasal junk. And I had a six-day headache that went along with this latest thing .... which did NOT make Dr. W very happy at all. So he sent me back to my primary doc for a neurology referral. FINALLY. Well, as part of this last possible infection (which I still think was one after all), they gave me prednisone. Any of you who have taken it know what I'm about to say -- add 3 holiday parties to the same week, and you can imagine what that does at the scale. Not only did I retain more water than a manatee, but I ate my way through G-vegas and Mootown at the parties. Stepped up on the scale fully...

First, oh my goodness!! It's been an incredibly crazy month for me as I have transitioned to a new role in my M-F job, gone to baby showers, wedding showers, etc., worked my way around a sinus infection (yes, another one; 4th this year - UGH!), and just run myself ragged....... Well, winter has apparently decided to arrive early this year, as our temperatures went from 60s on Friday to mid-40s tops today -- and will be there all week .... and into the next, from what I see projected. BRRRRRR!!!! One downside to losing this much weight is that I lost my insulation! Let's face it -- body fat does keep us warm! I was never this cold-natured until I lost the weight .... but I have NO desire to put it back on just to stay warm! But this change of temperature also puts a kibbosh on my morning walks now. Getting up even earlier to bundle up to go walk out in the cold morning air -- when I pay good money for a gym membership and can do it in relative comfort, even on a "dreadm...

It was May 2006. It was the first night I joined Weight Watchers and our meeting topic that week was all about "activity" (because no one likes the word exercise , especially when you had as much to lose as I did). My leader asked us all to increase what we did, even if it was just a little each day, or a little extra each week, building ourselves up as we went along. And she said, "Even if you're doing absolutely nothing at all, just try 5 minutes a day. It's better than nothing, but just 5 minutes a day." I thought to myself, "Okay, I can do that. If I walk out to {family friend}'s house and back, that would be five minutes!" Well, I completely over-estimated my capabilities that first time I tried it (the next day). The two-block walk out there and back took me around 10 minutes, and I huffed and puffed the entire time. I was practically vacuuming in the fresh air, truly sucking wind! Okay, it didn't help that it was hotter than blazes...

I went camping this weekend -- just me, my dog, a tent, a cooler, my car, and a reservation at a state park. I ended up cutting the visit short due to an infinite number of bites from infinitesimally small insects which never should have made their way to the Ark, but that's another tale for another blog. I was close enough to town that if I'd needed to, I could have gone back for meals, but what's the fun in that? Half the joy is in living off what you can bring with you. So I brought a propane campstove (borrowed from some friends), a whistling kettle from my kitchen, some oatmeal and some dehydrated egg cups for breakfast, and stopped on the way for other things I'd need for the long weekend: salad mix, chunk chicken, lo-carb tortillas for wraps, a small veggie tray (tomatoes, baby carrots, broccoli florets), almonds for snacks, and baggies of dogfood for my pet. And when I got nearer to the state park, I stopped at a grocery store for some deli turkey and some che...

It is astounding to imagine. We hear so much of the obesity crisis in the US -- that we're killing ourselves by the spoonful or forkful, that our heavily processed food is leading to diseases which should be easily preventable by eating correctly, that we're raising the first generation that may not outlive its parents...... And there is yet a hunger issue in this country. Seventeen percent -- one in six -- does not have enough access to food to sustain a healthy life. To see this and other staggering statistics on food and poverty, just visit Feeding America 's website. I knew many of these statistics, and it still broke my heart. 33.5 million adults, 16.7 million children. Many receive benefits, but it may not be enough. My last semester in college was the closest I came to experiencing even a fraction of this. I was 21, almost 22, taking only 2 classes, and working the rest of the time, and there was never, ever enough money to go around. Between the utilities, tr...

I got back to some  of the basics I mentioned last week -- I still didn't do everything perfectly, but I did what I set out to do. I accepted the fact that some days would be better than others because of the lymphedema. I changed what I could (including the daily chocolate piece, knocked it down to only twice). And I rested at times when I should  have been running around trying to do more than I could say grace over. (Should is another ugly word, sometimes). The results? Down 2.2!!!! I'll take it! I actually had lost 2.6 as of the weekend, but I'll gladly take the 2.2 pounds! The plan for this week? The same, with a little extra work -- doing the meat-and-two at lunch instead of running out for something because I've been too lazy to cook...... I actually started that this week and so far so good. Today was an exception because I had some dental work done. But at least I have my lunch ready to go for tomorrow! And I plan to be at the gym in the morning, and gettin...

Either way, it's time to get back to the basics of......... Not gonna sugarcoat it, I have been struggling, dancing around the same 4-5 pounds for a few weeks now. I've stepped up my exercise and it doesn't appear to help (at least not recently). My stress levels are out the roof (and not just from this struggle). The last couple of weeks have been a real battle with one of the worst enemies ever: self-doubt. Why? I know I can succeed .... So what's a girl to do? I talked it out with a couple of good friends who also have been there, succeeded, had struggles, and are overcoming them. They have given me some good things to mull over .... and mostly just letting me talk it out and to lead me down a path where I can find the solution(s) that will work best for me and my life. And it's pretty simple, when I think about it: Accept the things I cannot change.  I've got a chronic condition in which I retain fluid -- and not a situation in which basic diuretics ar...

This month at WW, our "Routine of the Month" is on getting enough sleep (7-8 hours) ...... an area where I am WOEFULLY deficient, at least in amount of sleep. As far as quality, I suppose it's pretty good. When I fall asleep, it is nearly immediately, and always a good deep sleep. I might get up once during the night for a potty break (sorry, TMI), but I more or less do it sleepwalking..... meaning, I wake up just enough to make my way to the bathroom, do what's necessary, and go right back to that deep sleep. But quantity is sorely lacking. I fall asleep around 11:30 at the latest, and wake up around 4:40 each morning. Yes, you are reading that correctly. I am averaging 5 hours a night. Yes, I crash on the weekends occasionally (but I have to wake up on Saturdays at the same time for my weekend work). I do nap on occasion (usually weekend afternoons) -- and still go to bed at the normal time. So this month, to help myself and to "test" the routine, I...

Last year, to commemorate the end of our Spring 2012 "Live Life Active" campaign, Sheri and I did a Bike Ride  as a way to show our members different ways to do fitness. You'll have to read the post to see how it went last year. So we decided to do it again, on the anniversary this year, and..............OOPS! I had to take my newer bike in (the road/hybrid one) for a repair. I kept having problems with it staying in gear, and the chain kept slipping. One night, as Sheri and I went for a practice ride, we weren't even a mile in and CHONKINGY! went my bike. I could not put it into a new gear at all. In fact, I couldn't even ride it. I had to push it back to her house --- not a bad idea since 15 minutes later, the skies opened and it all fell out. I took it to a bike shop near work, sure that it was the chainrings, and dreading the cost. You see I'd checked them out online that night and HOLY COW! I could buy a new bike for that price. As it all turned out, my...

I had no idea that I had gone so long between posts....... June was a very busy month but a great one. In early June, WW had a "FitParty" day to end our spring Live Life Active campaign. I got to help out with one of our local events and we had a great time. We did hula-hooping, Zumba with coined hip-scarves (even doing routines with more of a Mediterranean/bellydance flair instead of Latin flavored), and a quickie yoga session. But the one talk/presentation that I got the most out of was a presentation about shoes. You see, I have about 3 pairs of tennis shoes -- they are not sneakers, they are not gym shoes, they are TENNIS SHOES. And for some of us who speak Southernese, it's actually "tenny shoes"  (pronounced "tinny"). I've worn good ol' tinny-shoes for years on end, but I couldn't tell you the last time I had bought a new pair. A fitness seminar I took this spring had a great reminder from our leader: "if you can't remember...

I've started going to a yoga class on Thursday evenings. It's taught by an instructor who is certified in Curvy Yoga (a teaching style that emphasizes body-positive moves for yogis of all sizes). Phenomenal, is all I can say. Last night in our shavasana pose (a/k/a Corpse Pose), our instructor asked us to imagine our torsos to be deep pool, and to imagine ourselves diving off our own faces and into our bodies.... what did we see? Well, maybe I didn't exactly see what I would have expected. I actually imagined myself swimming within my physical body and seeing actual organs. I saw my heart, and smiled. I have done it much better than I did years ago. My lungs were strong and active. I saw my liver and the place where my gallbladder used to be. I paused for a moment to thank my liver for its work. Then I turned to my digestive system....... a place sorely abused for many years on end. And I felt a little wistful. I reached out to tenderly touch my stomach, with a mix of ...

The old saying is "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Last weekend, my plan was to spend a very lovely spring weekend in Damascus, Virginia, to do the second half of the Virginia Creeper Trail (cycling). I figured in May, most of the cooler weather would have already passed by. I would bike the 17 miles over to Abingdon, spend a nice relaxing lunchtime and then pedal my way back to Damascus. All in all it would be an absolutely magnificent time. You can hear the heavenly cackles from here, can't you? I ended up staying in a different place than my last trip up, and it was perfectly lovely. It was a hostel, and my roomies for the nights/weekend were through-hikers except for one other biker. But oh my, what a nice group of people! Their tales and stories of the trail -- and most especially their kindnesses and good spirits -- made me almost think about hiking the AT, even if I had to section it out. Please note the use of the word almost  there........

Dear Body, For 43 years, 6 months and 5 days, I have fought you. I have loved you, hated you, blessed you, cursed you, pushed you to limits, indulged you far too often, and generally speaking have never made peace with you. Can we call a truce? You see, when I was being formed, there was a triumvirate of you (my body), me (my spirit), and our Creator. And we decided how you and I should be. Somehow, we agreed upon the idea that I would be somewhere between 5'5" and 5'6", and that we laughed at the idea of me being a 36D-26-38 ..... so we settled upon some numbers that I have since forgotten. But we laughed heartily, cried some, shook on it, and then BAM! birth. Somehow, I forgot it all. In the process of growing and learning how to maneuver in a human existence, I forgot all of that, especially the fun we had deciding the parameters of me and you. I mistreated you by overeating, through not listening to you when you screamed out "I've had enough, don...

I am fighting a battle I shouldn't, that none of us should. I battle my body. I battle my head. I fight the idea that I should look a certain way, that I should be a certain body style. I fought it before I lost weight. I fought it while I lost the weight. I fight it still. I shouldn't. One regret, one lost opportunity: to appreciate myself in total, as I am, all through the process. I appreciated the smaller numbers, the shrinking sizes, the diagnosis of lymphedema (it was an explanation, a reason for some of the things). But I didn't appreciate my body as it was. As it is. It is not a perfect body, and one only need see the hanging, sagging skin as one sign of that. Internally, there are broken pieces. I've thought much about the damage that was done in my earlier years, as I was packing on the pounds quite joyfully. I think about how it affected my growth (and not just in an outwardly expanding way), how it impacted my various bodily systems as I continued to...

It is spring. You wouldn't know it by the temps outside. It's been a bizarre winter. We've had ice storms and tornadoes in the same week. It was 78 on Saturday and won't make it past 50 today. So what does this have to do with my usual matters at hand? Well, it's surprisingly similar to my weight-loss graph since the first of the year ..... up, down, up, down. My energy is shot right now. I'm not sure if it's SAD, or some other thing about winter and me that do not jive up, but I have had the worst time getting motivated or staying motivated, mostly about working out. On nicer days, my thought has been usually, "Skip the gym, get home as fast as possible and walk the dog instead." That may be a sign that it's time to seek a different type of workout..... Don't get me wrong, I love the gym, and especially mine for several reasons: 1) it's very inexpensive, 2) the amenities and location are both very good for going either before wor...

(to steal a line from Robert Earl Keen) Sometimes, when WW members achieve Lifetime status, I remind them that there's a reason we call it Lifetime --- because the journey never ends. It's less an ending than a beginning, because the road goes on forever. I sometimes think that even as much as we learn about ourselves as we're losing weight, we find out more about ourselves as we maintain and work to stay on track as Lifetime members. And this is just as true for me: a Lifetimer who's working to get back to goal. I've learned that I still have to be just as vigilant, even though this time I'm a little less militant about it. I've learned that the scale is a measurement of gravity, not of self-worth. And I've learned that just because it worked in the past does not mean it will work forever. I'm learning that for me, afternoon workouts just don't work as well. So.... ugh, ugh, ugh ..... as much as I am not a morning person in the least, I...

Do you believe you can do whatever you intend? Do you believe that everything you need to live a healthier life is at your fingertips, just waiting for you to tap into its unlimited resources? Do you believe that you are more than capable? Do you have enough? Enough self-love to know when to say when, when to say no, when to say yes, when to say go? Enough self-confidence to hold your head high? Enough willingness to get back up for the 9th time when you've fallen down 8? Do you know? Do you know that you have it within you? Do you know how to reach down for more? Do you know when to make a turnaround if you find yourself veering off track? Can you decide? Can you decide that you're worth the small sacrifices? Can you resolve not to listen to the people who stand in your way..... including yourself? Can you commit to being all you can be? Most of all, do you know how awesome you are? Do you feel proud of all you've accomplished? Are you ready to live th...

"Don't confront me with my failings / I have not forgotten them...." -- Jackson Browne, "These Days" Okay, the specifics: my great weigh-in on 1/1 was offset by two gains over the last two weeks. One was entirely understandable because my 1/1 weight was a fluke -- I'd been sick the night before, and weighed in very early instead of my usual late afternoon. So I wasn't expecting miracles, but I was floored by my gain this week. Not enough to send me into a tailspin and throwing my hands up and quitting. One, I don't quit, at least not this! and Two, why? I got some insight into that today at work..... I made a mistake on something, and while it was completely understandable, I sat there and thought to myself, "How could I have been so dumb? Why didn't I think to make sure I had done X before doing Y? AAARGH!! Oh, I hate making mistakes! I hate not being able to do things perfectly!" Did you hear that? I just told myself in two sent...

What is your quest? What do you plan to do? Where do you want to be on 1/1/2014? How will you get there; what is your plan? Are you in it to win it? At this time last year, I didn't know. I was floundering from a fall health scare (if only I knew!) and more concerned with stuffing my anxiety with whatever I could find.... and the sweeter or crunchier (or both), the better. On January 1, I had no idea that within the next year I'd face an even bigger health scare, new medication with no idea of how it might affect me or for how long it would take for everything to settle out........ add to it the stress of some changes at work, and me just not caring enough, and it was a recipe for disaster. By the beginning of May, I had spiraled into a big gain.... okay, definitely nowhere near all I had lost (no way could I do that in 6 months!) but enough for me to say, "It's time to stop!" It still took a few more weeks for me to get things back in gear but as summer wound...