Weighty Matters

I actually gained back half a pound (0.6 to be precise). At first I was crushed -- HOW? I had been so very careful all week. Well, one, I figure it's "Bloat Week" so that has to come into account. Two, as my leader said, my body was probably reacting to the huge loss from last week. Almost like it thought I had gone into starvation mode and put on the brakes. That makes sense. She also said that I *have* to eat all my points. For instance, I still have 3 left tonight. So I figure that's worth a glass of milk and a few grapes. So her suggestion is to add one point to each meal. If I go over, whoop. I have 35 weekly points that I've never touched yet. So it's time for a Ziggy .... pick myself up, dust myself off, and start over again. Back on the program without being in starvation mode, and more "activity"!

A coworker of mine got married this weekend. The scary part of being on a ... food plan ... is dealing with things when you don't know the points value, or any of the nutritional information in order to find the points. I knew the value of one item. But no idea of the serving size offered by the serving spoon. Now I had plenty of points left for the afternoon/evening, but I really wanted to do everything just right. So I was a good girl and skipped the barbeque, the baked beans, and the coleslaw. In fact, skipped everything right on to the grocery store. I could have had those 8 points just for the barbeque, and God knows how much for the other, and dipped into those 35 "splurge" points each week. But I didn't. And I am so proud of myself for doing so! Two more days until the weigh-in. I know it won't be 12 pounds again -- but believe me, I will be happy with 2-3 pounds!

Holy Crap!!!!! I lost 12.2 pounds this week. First off, that made me wonder what in Hades was going on with me last week -- with my body, or with the scale. But they have said that all the scales are calibrated each week. So....... I honestly believe that some of last week's weight was the weight of defeat -- that sense of "I have no other choice." Timidity. Perhaps even a little depression. Literally weighing me down. This week, confidence, excitement -- and healthy choices -- have definitely lightened my load. 12.2 -- can it be real? I've gone back and checked several times to be sure. 12.2 ... 12.2. I have lost a small Thanksgiving turkey -- enough ground beef for 2-3 pots of chili -- a 6-month-old child. But what I have gained cannot be measured. I am amazed. Proud. Humbled. Shocked. Thrilled beyond belief. Cautious, because I know this was a rare week. But glad.

"Everything good for you is either illegal, immoral, or fattening." "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." I've never had trouble with the first quote -- I know it to be all too true. Today, as I was pondering lunch choices, I discovered this again for myself. Tabulating points for foods that I usually love -- well, disheartening isn't quite the word. Dumbfounded is more like it. The second quote is one I've personally hated over the years. One, the last time I was "thin" was probably elementary school. Darren H. had already bestowed the nickname of "Fatty" on me by 2nd grade -- although by 3rd grade, it had become a weird term of endearment among friends. Even as a large person, I know how good things can taste. Believe me, if being thin feels better than Godiva tastes, well I'll be positively over the moon, won't I? I'm trying to learn to eat even more slowly. If I'm out with friends, I'm usually one of t...

So we are supposed to banish the D and E words and replace them with ?? and Activity. I choose "Fuel" for the four-letter D word. When they mentioned this at the meeting, I thought to myself, "Call it whatever you want, it's still (the E word)." Cynical little chit, aren't I? But the leader also asked us to give her just 5 minutes a day to start. I thought, "Okay, that I can do." So that is what I am doing ... 5-10 minutes a day right now. Next week, 15 minutes a day. The next week, 5 more minutes. And eventually, work my way up to 30 minutes a day (which I'll have to do as 15 in the morning and 15 at night). This is working well. I'm amazed. I just want it to continue to work well!

This was my first weekend with Weight Watchers, and I am proud to say that so far, I have done very well. In fact, the biggest problem I have encountered is eating all my points. No joke! I'm at a pretty high points level, and I swear, I can't imagine eating that much food. Correction: that much healthy food. I could easily do it with crud and have for years, which is why I'm doing this today. So far, my saving graces have been stir-fried veggies and salads. I made a great stir-fry veggie dish tonight to go with our meal (grilled stuff, mine was a salmon kabob). I took half a large red onion, one green bell pepper, one zucchini, and one broccoli crown -- and chopped everything up into medium sized pieces. Add a tablespoon of safflower oil and all the veggies and stir-fry in a wok. MMM MMM! It was delicious, and everyone loved it! And oddly enough, even after a healthy breakfast, a hearty lunch, a delicious dinner, and THREE snacks today, I still have bookoo points left over...

Why did I join Weight Watchers? Specifically, what was it about Thursday, May 11 that caused me to do it? Nothing. It was just the cosmic tumblers clicking together, the universe coming to a focus point, and a "lightbulb moment" that made me not drive past it but stop in. Just a little voice that said, "Now is right." No overtures, no orchestra, or trumpet blasts. Just "now" ..... only this, and nothing more. I have dieted since 9 years old. It was the hamburger patty/citrus diet. My mother packed my lunch each day for a week with a hamburger patty (or chicken patty) for lunch, and all the citrus fruits I could want. It was a horrid, miserable diet (where she found it, I have no idea). And I have spoken the language of diet as well as anyone. It's been an undercurrent of my language since childhood. My mother was/is always on a diet. My brother is/was usually on a diet. My dad was the only one who seemingly never had to diet (but probably needs to, now...

I bought a gift for myself tonight. If things go as they are supposed to with this gift, I will have given myself a longer, happier life. Seeing as how I'm 36, I'd love to get 64 more years on the deal. I joined Weight Watchers. I'm proud of myself. It takes an awful lot for me to ever admit that I need help with something. I'm one of those classic independent, stubborn people -- pulling myself up by my own bootstraps (so to speak) is something I pride myself on. For me to walk in that door, fill out the paperwork and -- the real horror -- stepping on that scale ..... well, it took ovaries, and I'm glad I had enough of them to do it. Strangely enough, I am also absolutely scared crapless. I am scared of failing. I want so much for this to succeed. I really do. There wouldn't be many other alternatives except The Surgery -- and while some people have had great success with it, I would be the 1 out of the 200 who'd die. I know it. Can't prove it, but I kno...