So, my brother and I were driving to my cousin's house last evening for a birthday celebration. As far as the celebration, let's just say I used my 35 points. I may not have actually used them all, but I didn't care. The celebration was worth it, a good time was had by all, and I didn't overindulge (I felt) .... okay, except maybe in the Bread/Olive Oil dealie-o. YUM.
Anyway, we were discussing old photos, etc. and my brother remarked that it was good that I could have a sense of humor about my two-ton-Tillie days. Well, what choice do I have, you know? I have too many years of photographic evidence to prove I was large. I mean, really! He asked what about those years when I said that I liked myself -- did I really?
The answer was yes. I really did like myself. I had to learn to do so, but I did love myself. I did respond that one thing I have learned in this process was this: "Dieting done out of self-loathing never works. Getting healthier out of self-love almost always will."
Was I really a self-loather? I don't believe I was, but who knows what a therapist might say to that. I really did like myself overall, but there were (and still are) always things I'd like to change about myself. Previously, all my attempts to lose weight were because I felt it was something I had to do to change myself for others. It took time and wisdom that comes with age, and the realization that I was at last getting happy in my own skin .... and that self-love made me ready to make some needed changes.
I'm still on that change thing. There's still a lot in my life to examine, especially as I approach the big 4-0. There are some other things I need to consider for my health: a thorough physical, some examination of emotional health, continuing work on physical health.......... There's still so much to do. And it's continuing to learn to love myself!!! :)