I have a party I am supposed to attend this weekend. The theme is "Awesome 80s Prom" but looking like Borissa Karloff, I doubt I'm gonna be able to pull off a prom theme. Generic 80s I can do ...... but I also figured I'd give it a try: to try to find a REASONABLY priced formal dress (full-length) with only about 26 hours to go.
I hit a nearby Goodwill after work. Sure, they had formals --- three of them, all size 4. I am nowhere near that size, I can promise you. I did however manage to pick up a few other items for $4 each. Thank God for Goodwill. So I headed over to my old haunt, Fashion Shack, because I know they have formals.
Yeah. They had formals all right. A rack full of 7/8 or a buttload of 13/14. They had one formal in plus-size, and it was TOO BIG. (Picture me with a monstrous grin on my face: TOO BIG!!!) Beautiful dress, but no sense in me even attempting to justify buying that. I don't have enough time to take it in, nor the inclination to spend my Friday night hunched over a sewing machine.
But just for curiosity's sake, I went back to the other section with formals. Lo and behold, I found a few 16s. Now in pants, I can wear a 16 these days. So I thought why not at least try....... I found 3 possibilities and took them to the dressing room.
If those were 16s, I am 16 years old again.
The one I really liked in extremely hot fuschia (perfect for the 80s, no?) wasn't even close to fitting. It had a crinoline in it too. Oh no. Even if it had fit, I would have ripped that crinoline out quicker than ExLax through a widow woman. Then I tried on this navy number -- which actually was a little more appropriate given that I'm pushing 40. It didn't expose too much shoulder and looked really nice. Except for the huge slit in the FRONT. I guess that gives whole new meaning to "off like a prom dress" (only in this case, you don't even have to take it off). And yes, I double checked to make sure I didn't have it on backward. Nope...... That left this pathetic little light aqua number. Holy crap, it was strapless and had some tape damage on the front -- and I cannot believe they were charging what was on the label for that, but that's not the point. It didn't work either.
And I know exactly why none of them worked. They were built for teenagers. I am a woman, complete with curves. I have a stomach, I have bad abs, I have curvy hips. And I love all of those. I wouldn't trade any of those to look like a 16-year-old beanpole. No thanks.... give me those hips. I earned those curves. I love those curves.
So Plan B is in place. I have jeans that look acid-washed, I have a polo shirt where I'm gonna spray-starch the collar up, I have plenty of purple eyeshadow and can pick up some cheap blue eyeliner ........ and I can borrow my daddy's Members Only jacket. I think I like that better than being miserable in a prom dress!
Curvy and Happy!