Today, my dad found some old photos from a family Christmas dinner, circa 1993. There are a couple I want to share.......
First, this is a picture of myself and my cousin; I'm on the right, as if you couldn't guess. I apparently must have been trying to do an impression of the Michelin Man ... or auditioning for the next Ms. Stay-Puft (because "puft" I was!)
And next up is a small shot from a picture where I was enjoying dessert; I couldn't tell you if it was a first trip, a return trip, or a "hey let me eat something for the road" plate..... Now I ask you: what in heck was I doing with TWO monster slices of red velvet cake? You know, I can't even tell you whether or not it was worth it. I mean, red velvet is pretty much the same, no matter who makes it.
You would think I'd want to distance myself from those days as much as possible: shred every picture, never to be seen again. But actually, I want to remember. I want to recall what it was like to have no energy to do much besides just sit around and eat cake. I want to remember that sinking feeling of having to buy my clothes in a specialty shop -- not just plus-sizes at regular department stores, but the stores that sell the extended sizes.... and afraid that I might have to start making mine instead. I want to hold on to that feeling......
Because I never want to be there again.
Are you kidding me? I'm in sizes I haven't worn in almost 30 years. I was in junior high the last time I wore regular sizes (another sad fact, but true). I don't want to load up my plate and stuff myself to the point where my clothes are pinching and binding. I don't want to be a slug, but to actually have fun moving and living my life with joy and energy.
People complain about the cost of weight-loss programs, or of fresher, better foods in the grocery store...... but the investment that I have made in myself and in my health is worth every penny. You cannot buy this feeling with any amount of silver or gold. Are you willing to invest in yourself? Are you willing to say, "I love myself where I am, but I know I can be even better" ..... to realize that you are worth every triumph and struggle.
One of my favorite authors, Jill Conner Browne, has a great philosophy: "If you don't like your life, change it." When I walked into Weight Watchers that day, I liked myself, and I liked most of my life, but I realized I needed to continue the changes I'd already made in my life. I had no idea what lay ahead. Here I am, nearly 5 years later, and I cannot believe how much better things are, how much I had really missed out on, how good life can be here and now.
Is today your day?