Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Tenth Step

We have all heard of the Twelve Steps, which are the foundation of many self-help programs for those dealing with addictions. They have been instrumental in helping millions of people deal with the temptations they encounter as they overcome their addiction.

The tenth step is especially important to me this week: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Ouch. Doing the right thing and being responsible. Admitting our imperfections is something we know we have to do and yet are loathe to vocalize. Almost as though, if we keep silent, it didn't happen. It wasn't real.

There's a number that appeared unto me this morning that proved that yes, indeed, it did happen. It was what it was. I didn't like it but it was very real. So dear reader, here is my admission for this week: I did not track as I should. I overate. I ate the wrong things, and most often at night. I had 2 holiday parties this week at which I indulged. Even with exercise (two days at the gym, two days of walking the dog), I have gained weight -- the wages of my sins.

What did me in? What didn't nab me is more like it. Tuesday night was caroling and a party afterwards. Was it the N Family's bark (this OMG candy thing) or the H Family's pumpkin dip (that does remind me, I really do want the recipe for that) that was my bete noir? No, offhand, I'd say it was my 2nd or 3rd serving of them. On Wednesday was choir practice and the follow-up snack time. Again, it wasn't the re-serving of those things (same people... HA!), but my re-taking AGAIN of them. And again. Now, I probably overestimated points (had I tracked them) on some items and underestimated others.... But that makes no difference.

I didn't do what I encourage others to do. It was a failing on my part. And all that is left to do is start afresh. Which I have today. I've been using the online tracker (eTools) lately because it's been easier during work hours to log on during a quick lunch break and type it in rather than write it down. I've been going back and writing down later (on weekends), because I like seeing the pen & ink. It makes it more "real" (so to speak).

Even knowing that I have slipped up this week, at the same time I am not going to beat myself up or go on a guilt trip. It is in the past, and I cannot change it no matter what. All I can do is move forward. And so I am. Today is the start of the rest of the journey. I have 10 days (roughly) until weigh-in. So that's 10 days to get myself in gear and drop down to a reasonable level. I'm not all that far above where I can be (the upper limit) but I'd like to be below that. So I will follow the good health guidelines, get in my exercise, and do all that I know is possible to get myself back to my acceptable level.

Who's on board with me?

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