Friday, August 21, 2009

A morning epiphany...

I was driving in when I had this thought & didn't want to lose it.......

The last couple of weeks, I have had a couple of nights where I've had ..... I don't know that I'd call them binges or urges. They're not cravings, because it's not for a specific food or even type of food. I was mulling it over last night and thought, "Oh, it was a texture thing!" I was going for things that I could crunch or chew that were ..... I don't know how to describe it. Things that weren't pureed to extreme smoothness.

Last night, it hit again. I went to Jason's Deli, as I usually do after meetings, and grabbed a couple of packs of their flatbreads. It's a point each, they're crunchy, they have texture, and they're tasty to boot. I had the points to spare, and even a few from activity & the weekly 35. NO biggie. Then I grabbed a pack of graham crackers. Worth the points. Stopped off for bananas, and had a sample of a cookie from the deli (it was about 1/4 of a cookie). Fine, let's count as 2 to be safe. No problem.

Got home, wrote the blogpost, it got to be 10:15 and Oh, I still need one more half-serving of dairy. So I treated myself to a string cheese (enough to combine with a cheese slice from earlier in the day to get a full dairy serving in), and even had a little fat-free ice cream -- the normal 1/2 cup serving. And I thought, "Okay, something to keep me through the night" and I ate an Alternative Bagel (only a point). The next thing I know, I'm going back for another 1/2 c of ice cream. Luckily, I stopped there, but HOLY MACKEREL. What the hell happened?

So as I said, I'm not beating myself up, but mulling over what turned me into a madwoman at 10:15 last night to where I suddenly could. not. get. enough.


Aside from the cheese, every single thing I "binged/urged" on was carb or somehow an emptier caloric content.

I'd had a hearty cup of vegetable soup. A really tasty, savory soup that's also only one point. I'd had a hearty veggie-laden salad -- I even had to use a low-fat dressing because they were out of fat-free. Again, it should have held me a little better. I could have (maybe should have) skipped the little flatbread packets, but they shouldn't have been enough to knock me for a loop.


So today, I am experimenting and will continue through to Sunday with this to see how it goes down. For breakfast this morning, I had my usual high-fiber/high-protein cereal, banana, skim milk & 1/2 c of blueberries -- yeah, there's protein but there's also enough carbs in there to get me through the morning. For lunch, I had planned to get a sub, but I may switch that up to a good chicken breast salad (getting some protein in but not overdoing it). THEN tonight, after exercising, a more protein-laden meal, to not only help with the muscle repair after exercise, but to hold me a little better. One of my favorite post-biking meals is an omelet -- it's quick, easy, and usually by that point, the only thing I have the time or energy to cook.

And one thing that has always, always been truly difficult for me is getting enough healthy fats in. I admit that getting in my oil guideline has been the area I fluff on most. I just cannot bring myself to spend a couple of points on oil. I mean really -- which would you rather do, have a teaspoon of olive oil for a point, or a one-point treat that you really like? Yeah, me too -- the treat wins. So the other part of my experiment is that if I have a point left over at night's end, I'm foregoing the treat to get at least one teaspoon of oil. Massive "le sigh."

So these are my morning thoughts. I'll let you know how the experiment works.

And as silly as it sounds, seriously.....pray for me. This is driving me crazy .... to have my body do so well and then rebel against me. That's at least what it feels like. That I've worked my rear off to get to this point and suddenly...... If I had an answer or a direction, that would be great, but it's a combination of so many things that I don't have answers for. I have a body that looks healthy, can do a million things it couldn't enjoy before, and yet isn't in the right rhythm on so many things. It really makes me want to scream, cry, kick, cry some more, offer it up for research.......


Talmadge Gleck said...

My .02 -- Everybody needs a little junk now and then. Even you. :-)

It's hardly a dealbreaker, and if you have the points to spare ... well, that's what they're for.


PS - verification is "dicut": how some people like their fruit sliced.

Nancy said...

I'm interested to hear what you find out/discover about that - this describes a lot of my evenings to a "t" - It's then that I decide I'm a hopeless carb addict. One thing that has helped if I have the points is to have a small bowl of cereal with milk - for whatever reason,maybe the crunch/cold/creamy dairy thing, it often helps. Notice I said often, not always :) Maddening, isn't it??
You are such a great role model - thanks for sharing all your ups and downs.