I'm not dropping my basket (to use the phrase from the Ya-Ya book), but I am setting some of the contents down for a while. The stress of the last couple of weeks has finally gotten to me this week, and it showed especially in my weigh-in.
For starters, I am not sleeping well at all..... you know those little "5-Hour Energy" shot drinks? Yeah, I've used a couple of those this week to make it through. On the good side (I suppose), they didn't quite give me the boost that the ads promise, so I doubt I'll be getting any of them again. And a couple of times when I needed to go to bed early to wake earlier than usual, I've used Nytol. Again, not good, and I know this.
The weight gain is giving me grief, and last night as I cried a little from being up YET AGAIN (though only 0.2 pounds), even my leader said, "This is not worth the stress you're putting yourself under; we'll figure out what to do...." So here's my plan:
1. I have to stop worrying myself sick about Mom. I'm of no use to her that way. It doesn't mean I won't continue to get resources, come up with ideas and plans but I can't make her or her doctor do anything. If they can live with their current plan, then what choice do I have? All I can do is be ready for when the time comes. That's it.
2. I will concentrate more on my own health issues. I did that by calling an endocrinology practice. As it turns out, they honestly can't help me because they don't diagnose or test - they just see you once you have. There's another doctor nearby who is an MD and a DO and her practice looks very good. However, she is an out-of-network provider (basically doesn't accept insurance for payment), and her initial consultation is more than I can shell out at once. So I will continue to do research..... (le sigh).
3. I will get more sleep with better quality. Yesterday afternoon, when I sat down at the WW meeting, I didn't realize just how tired I was until I sat still long enough. My schedule has been all out of whack -- the last few weeks, I have staggered my start-end hours at work due to some other commitments. However, it's wreaking havoc in my sleep schedule. It's not healthy. So I spoke to my boss today, and starting next week I will work the same start-end hours every day. It also entails me passing off a responsibility to others, and all the better. I even went to bed early last night (okay, earlier than usual for me) .... it helped some. I only took a 10-minute nap at lunch (instead of 20 or 30)......
4. I will care for myself far better. I'm planning to consider a monthly massage. There are a couple of massage places (reputable ones, that is) near work. I figure if I can, I'll schedule one a month and see how that goes. I definitely plan to get with Stacey (my best friend) more often for mani-pedis! We are also working on a plan for a retreat weekend -- not just the one I am working on with church but a personal private retreat at a nearby convent's guest house. I need the time away from everything to just rejuvenate my spirit. AND I am also planning some time away this weekend as well -- go to the mountains and just take a couple of hours or so and get away from the madding crowd.
I guess I'm calling this "putting the Serenity Prayer into action" - accepting what I can't change, changing what I can, and learning the difference.