Saturday, September 05, 2009

Deep sighs of relief.....

I worked a meeting this morning -- which I really enjoyed doing! It's been a while, and I forgot how much fun it is! Hopefully, I'll get to do a few more in the upcoming weeks and months. I hate that for the time being, I can pretty much only work on weekend meetings. But such is life.

Today, the moment of truth arrived: my monthly weigh-in --- not just my monthly weigh-in for Lifetime status, but Corporate weigh-in as well. If you aren't aware, WW employees are not only Lifetime members, we also have to turn in our weights to our territory management team each month. These last couple of months have been a real struggle for me. I've been within the acceptable range, but I hate being on that plus side of goal and having to cross my fingers and hope. It's almost as if my body has said, "You know, I really don't like that number, so I'm going to put you right here. I like you here. I know you don't like it but I don't care. Your wants are so cute, aren't they? Nope, I'm good. right. here."

So "here" I am on a Saturday morning........ I didn't eat breakfast before the meeting but took a suitable portable breakfast with me for after weigh-in. Right before time to open up for weigh-in, I changed into my magical weigh-in outfit, took a very deep breath, pushed it right on out and stepped up to meet my doom.

You see, when I stepped on the scale just before getting into the shower, it read "XXX.4" ..... yes, a lousy 0.4 above that threshold number. But I figure it was better than a week earlier when it had been a whole 8.2 up..... don't ask, I don't know either. But in the words of Coach John Fox, "It is what it is." So I figured I would turn in the weight as it was, and maybe get a little note back saying, "Okay, you're over threshold for this month, you have X time to get back within guidelines." The leader took the weight slip, and wrote down the number: XXX.0 ...... Right. At. Threshold. Holy maroley, thank you sweet baby Jesus in the manger, all 8 pounds 6 ounces of pure heavenly light.

I changed back into my regular clothes, began weighing people in, and have had a really awesome day since...... but let me tell you, this part is nerve-wracking. Praise be, I have another 4 weeks or so to keep myself in check, and so I'm not really freaking out anymore. What drives me crazy is the timing: I hate for things to be so near the edge, especially so close to deadline (we have X days to weigh and get it turned in). The really insane part is knowing that I'm following plan and yet am still struggling with water retention and hormonal balances and having to watch this-that-and-the-other ----- JUST to hit my range each month. It's almost like the old Don Williams song, "Lord I Hope This Day Is Good."

Yet....... in spite of all that, I feel so amazed and happy to have this new lease on life. I don't want to consider where I might be had I not started this process three years or so ago. I mean, really: I shudder to think about it. I might not be here at all. I might be here, in a cardiac rehab program because of a major heart scare, and with a big ol' scar or several from neck to navel. There are days it's been easy, but I'm more grateful for the times it hasn't been so easy; that's where I have learned about the depths of strength that I didn't know I possessed. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but even more awed by what I've learned along the way -- not just about food and my relationship to it, but myself and what my soul has contained.

Those are the lessons I want to pass on.... how to look deep within yourself for reserves of strength and determination and power you never knew you possessed.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

I tried to leave a message and it didn't show up, so here goes again. You will make a marvelous leader, every time I read you I am inspired. Thank you