Weighty Matters

Another 1.8 down this week for a total of 138.6 pounds gone. I am within 3 pounds of what I weighed in March 1987, when I had a physical for college. It's scary as hell to think I'd gained 140 pounds in 19 years, but I did. I know a good 60 of that was in those four years of college. I still wonder sometimes how I let things get so out of control for so long -- mostly because I don't want to repeat the past. I think in my youth, I felt a sense of invincibility .... a stupid one, considering I knew death almost too well. And I don't think I loved myself as I should have. I'm not sure we can at that age, either. We aren't necessarily wise enough to know how. But now I know, and I want to keep this up. I am not working this hard for this body to let it go to pot again. I AM STILL GOING!! In other news, only 36 hours until the Race for the Cure. I am excited, scared, nervous, hopeful, and a little overwhelmed. But I know I can do it!

I lost another 1.4 for a total loss now of 136.8 --- so doggone close to a round number! That's cool -- I'll take every loss I get!!! One of the ladies in my group, who started last July, got to Lifetime tonight. I am SO very proud of Rose -- she brought in her "before" picture, and I honestly don't remember her looking like that. She's always been small to me! She lost 82.6 pounds to reach her goal and maintain it -- WAHOO!!!!!! This week, I caught a shadow in the hallway -- the light was coming in from the employee entrance onto the wall of the mailroom. It took me a second to realize it was my own shadow I was looking at. It's smaller than it used to be, and that just thrills me to no end! It's pants buying time again. My ideal pair would cover my hips without calling attention to the fact that I have no butt. Yes, my butt is mostly flat. There's a small bump there, but not proportionate to the hips, or the still-large abdomen. I'm thinking ...

I took Maddox to be groomed today, and while he was getting all prettied up, I went to the mall. That's the first time I've been in ages. I'm just not much of a mall girl (at least not much of one since high school). I had PLENTY of time to kill so I went into Dillard's and headed for the plus sizes. I'm still in those and will be for some time, but that's okay -- we're moving in the other direction. I just went to look -- didn't plan on buying anything, but I saw this beautiful beige/tan lined linen jacket on the clearance rack. It was 75% off. It's almost fall, but it would be suitable to wear for the first few weeks before putting it up for heavier gear. I tried it on. It did not fit at all......... IT WAS TOO BIG!!!! It was the size I wear now, but way too big. I know that the pricier clothing usually tends to be a little more generous than other manufacturers, but holy mother of pearl, this was like 2 sizes too big generous. I wanted to just sit...

I lost 6.6 pounds for a new total of 135.4 GONE..... I don't know how. I'm not going to sweat it. Today was a different day because my department sponsored a hot dog sale. In the spirit of healthier eating we did offer turkey dogs and wheat buns, along with turkey chili. I also had a cookie and a caramel bar. Worth every point. I skipped a lot of snacks to have those, but GOD were they good. Ta for now!

This week was a gain of 1.2 pounds. I can't figure out how, and honestly I don't care to try. All it means for me is that I have to keep plugging along, and keep working hard to make the program work. I didn't walk Maddox in the mornings, just at night. Having a holiday off truly throws my schedule for the whole week. It was so tough to get up in the mornings. Part of it is that the seasons are changing. It's not light now until around 6:45 AM, when it used to be 6:15 AM. Those 30 minutes make a big difference. And Maddox didn't help matters either by just lying there .... he surely wasn't in any hurry to get outside and walk either! So what I have to do is rethink things as the times and seasons change. I've already bought 5-lb. dumbbells; and as much as I hate it, I think the Y membership may have to bite the dust. I do fear The Rut ... the same old, same old all the time. I already think sometimes I have fallen there. Same old two or three places for lun...