Weighty Matters

I am fighting a battle I shouldn't, that none of us should. I battle my body. I battle my head. I fight the idea that I should look a certain way, that I should be a certain body style. I fought it before I lost weight. I fought it while I lost the weight. I fight it still. I shouldn't. One regret, one lost opportunity: to appreciate myself in total, as I am, all through the process. I appreciated the smaller numbers, the shrinking sizes, the diagnosis of lymphedema (it was an explanation, a reason for some of the things). But I didn't appreciate my body as it was. As it is. It is not a perfect body, and one only need see the hanging, sagging skin as one sign of that. Internally, there are broken pieces. I've thought much about the damage that was done in my earlier years, as I was packing on the pounds quite joyfully. I think about how it affected my growth (and not just in an outwardly expanding way), how it impacted my various bodily systems as I continued to...

It is spring. You wouldn't know it by the temps outside. It's been a bizarre winter. We've had ice storms and tornadoes in the same week. It was 78 on Saturday and won't make it past 50 today. So what does this have to do with my usual matters at hand? Well, it's surprisingly similar to my weight-loss graph since the first of the year ..... up, down, up, down. My energy is shot right now. I'm not sure if it's SAD, or some other thing about winter and me that do not jive up, but I have had the worst time getting motivated or staying motivated, mostly about working out. On nicer days, my thought has been usually, "Skip the gym, get home as fast as possible and walk the dog instead." That may be a sign that it's time to seek a different type of workout..... Don't get me wrong, I love the gym, and especially mine for several reasons: 1) it's very inexpensive, 2) the amenities and location are both very good for going either before wor...