Okay, accountability time again ....... As a lot of you know, in what feels like a lifetime ago, I lost a whole kindergarten class’s weight and did it fairly quickly (3 years). It was a struggle to maintain but I managed to “only” gain back about 40 of that original 230 I lost. Then foot surgery happened and I was just learning to walk pain-free (forget 5Ks). I put on a few more but still not a lot. When mama died, the bottom dropped out and I’ve been free-falling since. And the Quarantine 14 was part of that too. So it’s past time to get back on track. This time while it’s not just the physical side of things, it’s the mental side of it too. I’ll be honest: my anxiety has gotten worse since Richard died. There have been nights I have been too scared to sleep lying down because my head pipes up, “you know, what if you die lying down?” I’ve been pretty dang determined that if it’s in my power, my daddy will not have to bury both his kids from their own stupidity. So yeah. There ya go. M
Note: cross-posted from Meanderings and Musings , cross-posting to Bad Catholic Anonymous and Birdcage Wisdom Take the high road or take the low No one but you and God will ever know And you play rough and win or lose Either way, you'll get the blues -- Lucinda Williams, "Ugly Truth" I found myself staring again at something I didn't want to see: ugly truth. The scale didn't lie, and neither did two-plus years worth of knowing I was eating to get away from what was eating me. But two anxiety attacks that awoke me in the middle of the night, scared to death of some physical ailment, the absolute fear not of dying but of leaving people behind and things unfinished -- and knowing I could damn well do something about it........ And facing my worst truth: I'm trying to fill a hole that can never be filled. I haven't written much in a while -- or spread it out over other outlets -- because I was compartmentalizing things. General stuff here, weig