Weighty Matters

Woefully behind

2012-02-06T22:05:00.003-05:00

Sorry everyone! Real life has intervened (or is it interfered?) for a while, and may continue to do so, but we'll see what transpires as time goes on. I'm still working on the medical stuff .... still not quite solved, but that's okay, we're getting there. Thorough is good; at least that's what I keep saying to myself as I wait, and wait. I'm not terribly patient, though.......

Yesterday morning, I woke up with an incredibly sore neck. Not a pain, and not any specific area ... just an all-over feeling, kind of like you just didn't sleep on it correctly. I sat all through church trying to stretch my neck in all directions to try to get the kinks worked out, and nothing was helping. I'm way overdue for a chiropractic adjustment -- had to postpone my appointment due to all the other stuff. But I wasn't going to spend my day all knotted up either. It occurred to me that nearly a year ago, I'd purchased a series of four yoga classes from a nearby place on LivingSocial, and it also occurred to me that they offered Sunday classes ... or so I remembered from the website when I bought the package. So I called, and yes, they had a 2:00 class. So I packed up some yoga gear, went home for my mat, and off to yoga I went.

Keep in mind: I've never done a yoga class before. Back in The Day, getting down in the floor and even attempting some of the poses and stretches would have been impossible. Even a couple of years ago, I'm not sure that I would have been able to do so either -- at least not for the balancing poses. Dave-the-Trainer was helping me with my balance in the workouts he'd developed for me, and even dropped in a few yoga poses to help. My physical therapist gave me a few to use to assist in my lymphedema management. But to actually do all the breathing and poses and so forth .... no, I hadn't.

Let me just say that even after the 3 remaining classes on the deal are up, I think I have found my new Sunday afternoon pasttime, my new "me-time" hour. Oh my gosh. And let me tell you, if you think yoga is for wussies, you would be sadly mistaken. Oh my gosh, even as gentle as the moves were, my arms were SO sore this morning! But I left there so incredibly relaxed and in a good place that not even all the hustle and hubbub today could harsh my mellow or disturb The Force.

If you have never tried yoga, I highly recommend it! Check with some of the local studios, because most offer a beginners' class or other gentle introduction (such as the session I had yesterday). And kudos to the great folks at Greenville Yoga for their awesomeness!

Sharing something I love....

2012-01-15T21:21:00.003-05:00

First off, an apology. I just forgot to do a post last week, and then this week, some events transpired that were way more important than a blog post. Nothing I really want to go into detail on at this time, or in this space.

Now.....

Yesterday, we had national Open House Day for Weight Watchers, and I was thrilled to be asked to lead a cooking demo for our location. I love to cook. I'm not a pro by any means, but there's something about being in a kitchen and preparing delicious, nutritious food that just makes me happy. Since our meeting is early morning, I thought I would prepare a brunch-type food from our new "Power Foods" cookbook. And I had the perfect one: Cheddar and Veggie Frittata.

And in one word: yum. Actually, to use several words: (throw head back and roll eyes just a bit) oh my stars, this is SO good (followed by muffled chewing sounds interspersed with a bunch of mmm's).

Really, you can't go wrong with a basic frittata recipe like that. As I told the group yesterday, you can pretty much make the vegetables interchangeable. Don't like tomatoes and peppers? Use broccoli and mushrooms. Or onions and asparagus. Whatever your heart desires. For the non-starchy vegetables, the calories, etc. would vary only slightly. Or use smaller amounts of 3 vegetables instead of two. (I'm thinking broccoli, mushrooms, and peppers.... okay, 4, gotta have a little onion). And if you preferred, it would be a great light dinner, paired with a salad. MMM!

But the really fun part was being able to show people that cooking healthy is possible, and that it doesn't require much except a little time and a little ingenuity. One of the things that I mentioned is that when I first started WW, I ate out nearly every meal ... and lost weight. But that as time went on, I realized that there was so much I wanted to do and try myself to make it healthier (or cheaper). And then I realized how much I enjoyed this! I also spoke to them about batch (bulk) cooking ..... to spend the time once a week to cook larger quantities for using throughout the week, or even freezing for later on.

Cooking isn't some impossible task, and cooking healthy is no harder than cooking the way Granny did (especially here in the South, where lard, sugar, butter, salt, etc. are in everything!). You just have to devote a little time, a little research, a little experimentation, and a little backbone (to say to family members, "Well, this is how we eat now. Don't like it, cook your own food!) .... and you may find you enjoy it more than you ever dreamed!

Kick It in 2012!

2012-01-01T21:31:00.002-05:00

All I am going to say is I am glad 2012 is here. 2011 was not the best year for me, in terms of weight -- some due to issues out of my control, and just as much fully within my control. I am taking control back where I can, leaving to God what I cannot control, and choosing my battles more wisely.

In about 2 weeks, I will begin treatment for the endocrine imbalances, and I cannot wait to see how this will affect my health and my life. I hope that it will put everything back to levels it needs to be for all my systems. I hope that it gets me out of this sleep debt mode that I've been living in for an eternity. I joke that if the Grateful Dead were to rewrite "Truckin'" for me, it would be "Living on sugar, vitamin B, and caffeine....." Not healthy, believe me.

So I'm ready for the changes. What am I going to do to make sure of it?

Get back into cooking. I let it go when I did the play -- not that I regret doing that at all. That was way more fun than anyone should have. But it became an excuse not to do anything at all -- too tired, not enough time, etc. I let it slip as a priority, and in doing so, I slipped to lower on my list.
Make sure I get in my workouts -- lately, I have been doing 4 a week, and so far, it's working. My ideal would be Monday mornings, Tuesday afternoons, then Thursday mornings and Friday afternoons. But we'll find a way to make it work so that I get four a week, no matter how crazy my life gets.
Keep getting my massages. I'd like to set them up on a more consistent basis (every 4 weeks, for example), as I think that would help increase the benefits for me. Oh, if I could afford a weekly one, don't think I wouldn't!
Keep digging into the family medical history. Knowledge is power. You know how much I believe that..... this is especially important!

For 2012, it's time for revolutions, not resolutions ..... the continual changes, reassessment, adjustments, changes, all moving me toward better and better health, a better understanding of where things are and where they can go.

And you can do it too. There is nothing impossible for those who believe. So believe this year. Believe you can do it, believe you are worth it, and believe that you have the power.

Let's say that again: You. Have. The. Power.

Do you believe? Start kickin'!

Joining a gym in the New Year???

2011-12-27T06:51:00.002-05:00

Read this first.

It's a great article from Hope Nagy, a trainer in the Philly area, with things to keep in mind before you sign the dotted line.....

GREAT tips!

A Massive Reality Check!

2011-12-26T20:50:00.004-05:00

Last week, it caught up with me. The scale did not lie. Yuck. I just do not even want to talk about it. My clothes do not look right, I don't feel right, and this is not a feeling I like.... at ALL.

And yet, it is a great lesson: a lesson in the need to continually be vigilant. On how easy it is -- even years later -- to slip into behavioral patterns that are still ingrained deep in us, and to allow "oh, it's just that time of year" to become a reason to overdo, instead of a reason to keep watch.

Stepping on the scales was the reality check I didn't want but truly needed. Even going to the gym for four workouts last week wasn't a license to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

So what's a girl to do?

Hit the gym tomorrow morning. That's what I'm doing anyway. And Wednesday morning. Thursday too. And Friday for good measure. Oh, and on the off-chance we leave work early Friday (doubtful but I can hope), I can squeeze in an extra workout or a walk with the dog (if I were to get off early and home early enough).

Watch the foods and the portions and ESPECIALLY the sodium, if at all possible. Too much sweet, sweet-salty, and salty for me. Load up on veggies, fruits, lean proteins and way less grab-some-grub stuff.

And recognize that it didn't go on overnight, and it won't come off overnight ... but you can sure as heck try.

***

In other news, last week I had my calcium scoring scan. Nothing so far from that (given that it's the holidays), and then one more scan next week before we start the synthroid and HRT. Of course, that's if everything is copacetic with these two scans. Keeping my fingers crossed that it's all good..... Please, God, let it be.

Last week, I mentioned that a friend of mine had told me that perhaps I didn't realize how really tired I am (and I'm just thinking I feel mostly good right now): she may be on to something. Yesterday was a pretty lazy day, given that it was Sunday and Christmas. I had done midnight Mass, come home around 2:00 AM, and then fell just pretty quickly afterwards. I was up by about 7:45 AM (funny how the smell of good java will do that...) and then by 11:00 .... ZONK! down for a nap. By 2:30, POW! another short nap. I think I had another small one (10-15 minutes) around 7:00 or so, and of course, then I couldn't go to sleep until after 11:30. Up this morning around 6:45 .... meaning, 4:45 is gonna be AWFULLY cruel tomorrow. But it's for my own good!

Better late than never, huh?

2011-12-18T18:31:00.002-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to post anything last week. The brain is fried, between holiday events, regular ol' work, doctor's visits, workouts, and oh yeah, trying to squeeze in shopping. Ha. Ha. I have ONE gift purchased. That's it. ONE. And Christmas cards? Try MAYBE this week, if I'm lucky.

And in the midst of all this, I have been following an 80-20 rule: eat healthily 80% of the time and stop obsessing about the 20% of the time when you mess it up royally. I've also kept up working out at least 3 times a week. So far? It must be working. I'm down two weeks in a row. It's not been huge amounts -- both times, less than a pound -- but it's downward progress.

What I'm discovering is that I really enjoy my workout times. Do I relish the idea of waking up at quarter till dark and then leaving no later than oh-dark-thirty to go sweat? Not particularly. But once I get there, I'm loving it. I find that I feel much better -- and better about myself -- when I get in my workouts. I feel more accomplished, and if I do the workout in the morning, I find that I have a little more energy throughout the day. Even late afternoon workouts help me sleep better.

Speaking of energy, I met with the doctor's PA earlier this week. We're going to begin one of the therapies in January ... after a couple more scans. Yes, more tests, but these are worth it. The doc's PA said, "Once you get onto this therapy, one of the nice things is that you're gonna feel like a million bucks!" So I'm thinking I feel pretty good, so holy mackerel, how much better can I feel? But as a friend told me, "You probably don't realize how tired you really are."

She's right. There are moments when I feel absolutely drained of everything. I'm too much like my dad .... we both run ourselves into a stupor, and when we sit absolutely still: BAM! out like lights. We joke, "Rest? That's for when we're dead...." Of course, most of my dad's family is of the same vein.

So can you imagine how completely dead I would feel if I were still at my peak weight?

No thanks .... even with all the struggles and health issues I've had in the last few months, I would NEVER want to be where I was 6 years ago and having to go through this. No way. I used to scoff whenever I would hear the phrase about nothing tastes as good as being thin feels..... but not so much now.

So if you are thinking about making changes, DO IT TODAY. Get a jump on all those people who are going to wait until the first couple of weeks in January. You'll thank yourself!

Gobsmacked by reality

2011-12-04T13:59:00.002-05:00

When I was a child, I remember adults would say about people, "Hmm, guess their sins finally found them out, huh?" (especially when someone got a measure of comeuppance). I can't remember if my mother or either of my grandmothers would use that phrase as a guilt trip when they were sure I was hiding something ... heck, probably all three.

But as much as I hated hearing it, there is a kernel of truth in that saying .... and in this case, the things I didn't bother to track or care about this week showed up on the scale en masse. Nothing I could do but claim them as my own. I mean really, what other choice do I have? I made good decisions (workouts, and eating good meals, mostly), but what derailed me were those little things: not tracking, indulging in the more-than-occasional treat because "it's been a rough week"....

Well, guess what? This past week was easy compared to the upcoming week's agenda. I could easily give up this week: I have more time- and energy-grabbers than you would believe: just regular work, choir practice, a special service Thursday night, a holiday party on Friday night, a 5K on Saturday, AND a concert on Sunday. But I'm not going to wallow in it ...... no, instead, I have a plan!

A) Work out at least four times this week -- this worked for me last week, even if it meant squeezing in two workouts in one day. So the plan is Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday's 5K. YAY ME! Plus I will be doing a small workout later today (just cardio, but still moving!) and maybe get in one on Friday..... nothing too

B) Plan better meals -- right now, I have 7 chicken breasts cooked and ready to use this week. I have Brussels sprouts roasting in the oven and will be roasting some sweet potato chunks as well. I have some steamed green beans I can use as well. And I have a slew of various other veggies and veggie mixes in the freezer. I have apples. I have oatmeal for breakfast if the cereal runs out and frozen lean breakfasts as well. It's all good.

C) Stress eating. Oh yeah, and I'm not even talking about the holidays. The holidays? Bah. No match for regular everyday stress. But I'm not going to allow it to derail my thinking. I have a secret weapon: Hershey's Special Dark miniatures. I'm going to allow myself one per day, most likely as lunch's little dessert.

With a plan in place, I know I will be successful!

***

Now for good news this week on the medical front..... I met with the cardiologist to review the results from my holter monitor and the echocardiogram. He was concerned because the holter shows I do have a slow heart rate overall, but the echocardiogram doesn't show any structural issues with my heart.

I actually sighed, very deeply, in relief. I had really wondered what might transpire. I knew that the very worst they could tell me was "yes you have an arrythmia and you'll need a pacemaker" ... or "you have a faulty valve and will need heart surgery." Scary concepts either way, but in my mind that was the worst they could say. So I was prepared for anything. I almost wasn't prepared to hear the good news.

Then he suggested doing a Tilt Table test. Since the heart is sound, it could be a fault in the circulatory system where my system doesn't re-balance as quickly as it should. One nice thing about Dr. M (cardiologist): he's thorough and explains things very well. So he explained how the body works to keep blood pressure even throughout the body at all times ... fascinating! I then mentioned that Dr. Y (primary care) wants to get me on certain meds for the sluggish thyroid and HRT issue. Dr. M's eyes lit up and he said, "YES! YES! Tell you what, see her again and get started on these. I'll see you again in three months and if things are looking better, I won't even bother with the Tilt Table test." In another mini-science lesson, I learned that apparently, there can be a correlation between hormonal imbalance and cardiovascular issues. WHO KNEW? (Not me, that's who!).

As much as I am not a fan of HRT, for my heart health, I'll do it.

So we'll see how things go from there!

I love it when a plan comes together!

2011-11-26T21:54:00.002-05:00

My assignment this week was to plan for at least four days of workout from Monday through tomorrow. SUCCESS!!! I worked out Monday morning (gym - interval circuit training), and on Wednesday morning (same thing). For Thursday, knowing I'd be at home for the holiday, my thought was to walk after lunch .... but then we got the idea to take Maddox to the dog park. So we did, but unfortunately, we were the only people (and mutt) there. So after he piddled around (literally) for a while, we took him to a nearby town that has a nice square. He loved the walk, as did I ... but I felt I still needed a little more. So after dinner, I hit the exercise bike for about 15 minutes, just to add to it.

For Friday, I was also off work. I had planned to go back toward the area where I work and do a couple of things, and stop off by working out at the gym. But then I heard a note on the morning news that the downtown seasonal ice rink was opening on Friday .... and a brilliant idea hit me! You can read all about my "Lessons from the Rink" here. AWESOME workout, and I had the best time. My legs were feeling it a little this morning, and I suspect that they'll be feeling it a little more tomorrow morning ---- but not enough to stop me from going back tomorrow with my godchildren! I also did some walking afterwards - just a few blocks up and back but enough to keep the muscles going.

So what's my plan for next week? More of the same! Gym work on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and throwing in some extra cardio or other work whenever I can (probably on lunch hour). And to really track well!

Oh, you're wanting the results, right? Down 4 pounds!!! :)

Surviving the Whirlwind

2011-11-19T14:54:00.004-05:00

Hello my friends -- yes, it has been too long since I posted. It has been a whirlwind couple of weeks with new initiatives at work, a quick trip to see my friends on the coast, a doctor's visit (planned), and a car in the shop (definitely unplanned).

Last week, I had a great loss. This week, not quite all of it came back. That part was not fun. And I can pretty much own it all. Between the travel, the meetings, the new work plans, and a couple of small details, my meals ended up being more guesswork than real tracking. I worked out but not quite the same plan I had wanted for my week. Sometimes you just have to roll with these the best way you can, and hope for the best.

Several of my pals and I have discussed this malaise we seem to find ourselves in on our weight-loss (or maintenance) journeys. So we have a plan for this week, based on our problem areas: one who has a weigh-in near the weekend is going to track her entire day, openly and without reservation, to keep herself accountable. Another who is having trouble getting back on the cooking track is going to plan her weekly meals on Friday and share the plan with us when we see each other this weekend. She is also asking us to hold her accountability for her cardio - so I will be texting her each evening: "Did you walk tonight?"

And as for me, I am going to bring in my exercise logs showing where I've worked out or done at least 30 minutes of activity four times this week. So that requires that I have a plan and stick to it! So M-W-F definitely for workouts, and a good walk after Thanksgiving dinner too -- and not just the "oh, let me walk Maddox around town for a while." I mean a REAL walk. One for just me!

So here is to our success this week!!! And here's to a successful start of the holiday season: remember, the food is important, but not as important as the people and the joy of the events on the horizon. Don't obsess about food so that you're a real wet blanket on the season -- and yet, don't use "it's the holidays" as an excuse to overindulge. It's all about making it work, enjoying things in moderation, and not giving up on yourself, your goals, your new life.

And in everything, give thanks!

Time to grow up

2011-11-05T21:33:00.003-04:00

As most of you know, I have had some struggles lately. It's not just my health, but it's my mindset. I've allowed a multitude of things to become handy excuses for not paying better attention. First was the play -- "oh, I don't have time to do (this), so I'll do (that) instead." Then it was something else, and something else, and the idea of being able to indulge a little in certain things.

I even fell back into the trap sometimes after dinner of thinking, "I've blown it for today, I'll start fresh tomorrow, but in the meantime....." and just not caring. I have come too far not to care. I don't like the direction things are moving. I don't like feeling this yucky about myself and my life and my weight and my (lack of) progress -- actually, a regress. So what to do?

I'm taking the advice that a very wise woman gave me: if you don't like your life, change it. And I'm also taking up the Serenity Prayer to apply to this situation. There are things I cannot change -- I'm older, I have some health issues going on. So I accept them and leave it as is. There are things I can change -- the choices I make for what to eat, how much to eat, when to workout, what to do in a workout. I have the wisdom to know the difference, but I need a daily reminder that I am capable, that I am worth the effort, that I am a success and I need to constantly refine and hone that success -- to build on it.

And to faithful readers, I apologize for my failings. Just proof that I'm human and if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. If nothing else, maybe this will be inspiration for others to keep going, to keep trying, and to keep your guard up!

***

Now, looking for a very satisfying meal idea? One of the better choices that I made several times this summer and fall is Ruby Tuesday's Spaghetti Squash Marinara. If I did the calculations right, the dinner portion is 5 PP, and the lunch portion is 3. It's a plate full of spaghetti squash, topped with marinara sauce and sauteed zucchini. It is absolutely yummy, and paired with a good tossed salad from the salad bar, it is an extremely filling meal.

So tonight at home, I had a spaghetti squash that was calling my name. I halved it, roasted it at 450 for 50 minutes, and scooped out the flesh (okay, more "fork-ed" it out in order to get it in the strands). I set aside a one-cup serving, then added a half-cup of arribiata sauce for a kick. Divine. Just awesome. And best of all? 2 PPV.

And I still have enough squash to make lunch tomorrow. YAHOO!!!!

In a slightly reflective mood...

2011-10-23T20:40:00.002-04:00

Just a few minutes ago, I was looking at pictures from my journey. Even as far as I have come, it never really ends. I think of the scene in Parenthood (the movie) where Jason Robards looks at Steve Martin and says, "There is no finish line, there is no end zone, there is no touchdown celebration." Sure there are little celebrations all along the way, and there's nothing wrong with setting a goal and reaching it.... in fact, we need to do that! But once we are there, all too often, we think, "Wahoo! We're done."

And we aren't.

But it's okay.

It's a great reminder that we're forever a work in progress, that nothing is ever really complete in our transformation, that there's always opportunity for improvement and for continuing success.

I have a birthday this week. It's a number that doesn't scare me at all.... in fact, I've always rather liked this number, not sure why, but I like it. It sounds good, something about it feels right to my soul. My life has always seemed to have a big change every 7 years, so I am going to expect one to pop up this year (it's that time). And I'm okay with that.

So one of the changes that I can do something about is the continuing re-transformation of myself. I will accept what cannot be changed, change what I can, and continually seek the wisdom to know the difference.

This week's plan: workout, 3 mornings this week. See the cardiologist as planned. And just breathe.

There Is No Try, Only Do.

2011-10-16T07:48:00.002-04:00

A few times throughout the last 5-1/2 years of weight loss, weight maintenance, etc. I have had a few fluke weeks -- sometimes an unexpected loss that would hold, and sometimes a weight spike that would come right back to normal the next week.

Part of me wants to think that was my week last week .... just one of those fluke things. There was no way I should have gained 4 pounds across a week, and especially given everything that happened (medically) in that week. But I also knew that there were moments I did not do well, and that was all on me. So I took my friend Angie's advice (Angie from "Successful Together"; link at right), and treated it like a Week 1. A total do-over, a recommitment moment, complete with 40 verses of "Just As I Am".... (ha!)

The result? 3.2 pounds back down!

***

Now for a quick update on the medical stuff: I met with my PCP, and while she had my lab results, she was way more concerned about the fainting episode. While the lab results may play a role in things, she doesn't want to put me on any meds .... at least not until we get the results back from the cardiology consult and/or tests. She is wondering if an arrhythmia is at play here that caused me to pass out. My pulse in her office was 55, even with a normal BP (112/80). I've heard the phrase bradycardia before, from my prior PCP too. The main thing that came out of the labwork is that I have a "sluggish" thyroid, not exactly hypoactive but not perfectly normal either. If the cardiac stuff comes back okay, then we can do thyroid meds and see where it takes me.

I'd be lying if I said, "Oh, no worries." I am a bit apprehensive. At the same time, I know that I am in good hands all the way around. So we wait and see.

The end is here.....

2011-10-08T19:51:00.002-04:00

Not to worry, I'm not breaking out into a 10-min Oedipal song by The Lizard King himself.......

This week, I had a medical incident happen. I was at a support group meeting when I passed out cold. The docs at the ER cannot find a reason why I should have fainted. I've been trying to be more proactive about my health, and I'll get the results from some in-depth tests this coming week -- and after the incident, I'll be perhaps having more.

As you all have seen, I haven't exactly been riding the good train for self-care this summer, at least as far as weight management has been concerned. I've piddled around and not really paid attention to what I was doing, or really cared. I really do believe that nothing merely happens by accident; there is reason and order and purpose to everything in life. If nothing else, this incident serves as a wake-up call. It's time to stop snoozing and start paying attention.

So the end of Summer Joyride 2011 is here. It is past time to once again get with the program, to treat myself far better than I have been, and depending on what these various tests will disclose, I may have no other choice than to be super-vigilant.

To be honest, I am scared. But knowledge is power.

Leaves

2011-10-03T09:20:00.002-04:00

Here we are in October, my favorite month of the year. When I was a child, it was my favorite because it was my birthday month, and I believed that all sorts of good magic was afoot in my birthday month. Nothing was bad then. The leaves fell in the yard, and if everything was good, there would be enough of a pile by my birthday to jump into.

The unabashed joy of childhood ... well, once we get into the "real" world, we know where that goes, right? It doesn't have to. There is still good magic afoot. Right now, I'm on a small break from work, just a few days but enough to try to unwind, to recharge my batteries (beyond drained), and just enjoy what is.

What does all this have to do with a health/wellness/weight-loss-centered blog?

Everything.

Because as the leaves fall in my backyard (or at least should, hopefully, soon), it is time for me to reassess, to recharge, to take stock of where I am and where I want to go. The summer was not a good one for me. I lost focus, I lost sight of things. For way too long -- and I mean WAY too long -- I have been doing things just to get to the next moment, the next hour, the next day, of just going through the motions of life. Survival instead of really living each moment. That, my friends, is no way that I want to live. It is a sad place to be, and I choose now not to live there any longer.

I am choosing to honor myself by living more fully.
I am choosing to really think things out.
Is it easy? No.
Is it worthwhile? Very.

So as I take the time this week to recharge and revitalize myself, I also want to live more purposefully. I know that my body, my soul, my entire being will appreciate the effort, and respond in kind.

No more survivalist techniques - they only work for so long. And the results are usually less than desired.

Grateful, purposeful living. That's the place I want to be.

Turning the corner....

2011-09-27T20:29:00.002-04:00

Last weekend, I had my weekly weigh-in and WAHOO, it was down another 3.2 pounds! Holy cow - that's 5.4 pounds in two weeks, and 3 weeks since I stopped taking Premphase. Guess they weren't kidding about that "weight gain" side effect, were they? Okay, that, and getting back in the swing of working out again, and eating healthily again -- it all made the weigh-in much better.

If you haven't heard yet, Dr. Oz has a program out called "Transformation Nation" -- he is partnering with Weight Watchers to provide weigh-ins for participants, but it goes beyond just weight loss and working out. It involves telling others about the site, getting in for a physical, etc. It's a great reminder that good health isn't just weight loss and exercise but knowing your family history and being proactive about your own health. So visit Dr. Oz's website and sign up today to change your health and your life!

I took a trip this weekend to Sky Top Orchard (Flat Rock NC) for some fresh-from-the-orchard apples. They also had a few Asian pears left, also straight from the orchard and oh, my goodness, so good! If you are blessed enough to live near an orchard, then do yourself a huge favor this fall and get some fresh fruits! I plan to go back next month, when the Arkansas Blacks come in, and get ready to make my homemade sugar-free apple butter .... Christmas gifts!! (And of course, pick up some Pink Lady apples for eating!). I was lucky to get some Mutsu this weekend ... mmmm!!! I had gotten some "Paula Red" (never heard of those!) at the grocery store this weekend, and .... meh. They're a little mealy for me. I love a good crisp, nearly-break-my-incisors-off kind of apple.

With fall here, I'm also looking forward to some yummy soups and stews..... and some hearty-but-healthy casseroles with fall and winter vegetables. All sorts of good hearty squashes and root vegetables (oh, my: roasted root veggies!)..... I can't wait! Good things to put up and freeze for the winter. Hearty whole grains that are good for you and filling. Gosh, as much as I love the light tastes of spring and summer, I also enjoy the comforting tastes of this time of year.

By the way, my friend (and occasional contributor) Angie has posted some really yummy things at her blog Successful Together, including an awesome Creamed Corn Bread. I had planned to make some veggie soup last weekend, and some of the cornbread..... only the weather played a trick and it was 85 degrees! Not exactly veggie soup and cornbread weather. So we'll try again this weekend when it's not humid, and back in the 60s/70s. But she has a whole slew of new yumminess to check out!

So when you turn the corner into fall, make a healthy turn -- do something good for yourself. And most of all believe in yourself and your capabilities. Believe that you are worth every moment you invest in yourself and your health. And know that if no one else does, I am rooting for you and your success!

Still around

2011-09-14T06:54:00.002-04:00

I apologize for being so late in posting. Last week was absolutely insane-o with rehearsals, opening weekends, and a few other things.

Short of it, I'm up -- more than I would like -- but I am making strides. I'm back to working out more often (at least so far this week), and I'm making better choices this week than I have in teh last few weeks. Best of all, I have a new primary care physician! The first thing she has done is take me off the Premphase. She said, "I'm not a big fan of it..." and I replied, "Neither am I." So two weeks from now, I will have some extensive labwork to determine various endocrine functions, including thyroid, reproductive, and insulin. Why this? I have two family members (aunt, uncle) who are diabetic, and I know that all systems work together. Nothing operates without affecting other systems. So better to know than not know. As I've said in a few other posts, I've come too far where ignorance is no longer bliss; knowledge really is power.

So I hope to have better news in the near future!!

And if you're in my area, only one weekend left to see Godspell!! Come to Clemson Little Theatre, or call them for reservations.

Sorry to Jerry Garcia...

2011-09-02T22:45:00.002-04:00

But I'm changing one of your lyrics.....

Living on sugar, Vitamin B and caffeine,

All her friends can say is...... STOP & REST, GIRL!

Yes, it has been quite a last couple of weeks - hence, a missed post last week!

The downward trend continued last week but I'm awfully afraid this week will be a reversal of fortune. But I have been working out this week -- and *gasp* doing so first thing in the morning. Yup, for real! I've been getting to the gym around 6:00 AM, working out and getting ready and even getting to work early. And you know what I'm finding? I'm not going to bed any earlier.

I've been backsliding on my "no caffeine after 3:00" .... mostly because I don't relish the idea of falling asleep behind the wheel going from work to rehearsal. But you know, it is what it is.

All told, my goal for the next two weeks is to lose what I can, as I can. Work out whenever I can, and to just simply not sweat it. I find that when I stress over it, the weight issues just seem that much worse.

Move to a sweet groove in a happy place. Marvel at the miracles of human motion. How every system interacts so seamlessly that we don't even realize how well it works. Savor every bite, every flavor, every herb and spice that gave of itself to your experience at the table.

Life is good. Even with all the busy-ness and short spare time, I'm having a blast!

Honoring What Is Happening

2011-08-20T21:59:00.003-04:00

This has been a rather eventful week for me -- tons of rehearsal time and a very special event at WW. We did an "Inspiration" event featuring several of us who'd lost over 100 pounds each. We had 135 people at the event -- UNBELIEVABLE!!! I got such a rush of energy from everyone, and I am in pure awe of everyone and their stories. We each had an event, a reason, a moment where we let go and realized that we needed some help....... and shared our stories, our successes, our moments of weakness. It was awesome!! I love special events like this, and I am always happy to even be a small part of them.

With the summer heat still in full swing, I've still got some of the retention issues going on... UGH. So I'm drinking my waters, trying hard not to overindulge in caffeine, watching my sodium wherever possible..... and still it didn't seem like enough. Last night was my scheduled massage, and I had a different massage therapist from usual. I was all knotted up, as poofy as the Stay-Puft man, and sorely in need (no pun intended) to have all the kinks and twists just taken out of me.

As I was being worked on in the silence, with just the soft music and lights to provide a touchstone, I felt a little embarrassed that the poor therapist had to work so hard on the problem areas. I mean, the poor fella was practically sweating trying to apply trigger point pressure on my upper back..... and the oddest thought occurred to me:

Honor what is happening in your body.

Do what? Say that again? I didn't catch it.

Honor what is happening in your body.

My body is telling me to stress less, rest more. My body is telling me it's okay to put my feet up, literally, for my health. My body is telling me that it's okay that I'm taking this medication if it is correcting an anomaly. My body is telling me that I need to let go ..... that as long as I don't let go of certain things, it cannot get rid of all that junk in me that clutters up the real me.

Honor what is happening in your body.

I am. I am going to stop trying to fight and start learning to accept. I am going to learn that I can control my food choices, my exercise routines, etc. but I cannot control all the other stuff. All I can control is how I react to what comes my way.

Strange new thoughts for a strange new world.

And how did it work for me? Down 1.2 this week. There just might be something to this after all!

A measure of success

2011-08-13T19:35:00.003-04:00

This was an interesting week, after all the "feedback" I got last week. And it paid off this morning when I stepped on the scale and there was a loss. It wasn't a huge loss, but that's okay, it's moving in the right direction!

Did I do everything that I wanted to do, or had hoped to achieve? No. For the last three weeks or so, I have been really battling the late-night munchies. I mean, serious zombie-like forays, all after 10:00 PM. WHY? I don't know. If I knew, then I could figure out what I need to do to make it better.

In other news, my doctor is pleased so far with the results of my new medicine. So at least for the next few months, I'll be taking this daily medicine. While he may be happy, I admit that I am less thrilled. I prefer to take medicine only as needed, and it may be just a pride thing: "Nothing's wrong with me, just a speed bump." A maintenance med says (to me, anyway): "I have something ongoing, it's not just a speed bump." I know, it's crazy to think that way. But this is reality for me, at least for a while. So now I have to adjust to accommodate this new paradigm.

As Yoda would say, "Do or do not. There is no try." And so I must do. "Do not" is not an alternative for me.

Reviews: One Product, One Recipe

2011-08-07T20:09:00.003-04:00

Product Review: Fiber One brownies

You've seen the commercial by now: the bouncer & velvet rope in the grocery store: "They were once off-limits, but now...." and the next thing you see is a bunch of already-skinny women dancing around and eating brownies.

So a couple of weeks ago, I bought a box of the chocolate peanut butter variety. One, they were on sale, and two, I was hungry, and plan-wise, they worked for me. After I checked out my cart and got my stuff in the car, I checked out one of the brownies....... And my verdict? Meh. They are not velvet-rope-worthy, but if you needed something quick and sugary then have at it.

However..... let me tell you how to not make them "meh" but something leaning more toward "wow": unwrap and heat very briefly in the microwave (I suggest no more than 15 seconds for a 1000+ watt microwave). Add 1/2 c of your favorite vanilla ice cream (I used Mayfield Creamier Church Vanilla Bean, because that was what I had in the freezer). Joy and happiness..... and MUCH tastier! With the reduced fat ice cream, it's 5 PPV (depending on your ice-cream). For Breyer's Fat-Free vanilla, it would knock it down to 4 PPV (2 for the brownie, 2 for the ice cream).

Recipe Review: Hungry Girl's Crab Rangoonies

I love the HG daily newsletter. And I love quite a few of the recipes in there. I have 2 or 3 of the HG books (I haven't gotten Hungry Girl's 300 Under 300 because I'm already overloaded with recipes and cookbooks right now). The other day, the newsletter was all in praise of wonton wrappers, and the wonderful things you can do with them....... As luck had it, I had just bought some the week before, intending to make chips with them, but this was a better idea! So I perused her list and came across Crab Rangoonies.

Back in the day, I would eat an entire order of crab rangoons from the Chinese place, along with whatever else I had ordered. My stomach, apparently, knew no bounds, and I truly shudder to think how much fat, sugar, and sodium I had consumed in that meal. While I still eat Chinese on very rare occasions (mostly due to the sodium factor), my mouth and stomach haven't seen crab rangoons in a very long time. :( Shame too because I love their ooey-gooeyness. Until.......

I finally got around to making them tonight for dinner. And may I say: they are all that, even without a bag o' chips. The recipe is fairly easy to make, though the preparation does take some time. But very, very yummy. I should have taken pictures, but I didn't think about it....

MMMM. Enjoy!

Seeing Daylight

2011-08-06T19:57:00.002-04:00

I did it. Stepped up on the scale this morning and took my medicine. It wasn't as bad as it was yesterday morning. In fact, it was down 4 pounds from there..... still up four from last week (I think; I've actually lost track). So that tells me (a) there has got to be some water/fluid retention involved .... especially after having an MLD session yesterday and (b) I'm starting to see daylight.

My coworker/meeting leader did not want to write down the number on my employee weight slip. I told her to please do so anyway. The number doesn't lie. There was no excuse. No matter how bad the water retention was, I had still slipped.

And now I am picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting all over again.

I know just what to do, and I know full well that it will take a couple of weeks to get back to normal. Heck, I want to get back to where I was before the recent "normal." And I can do it.

I have faith. I have faith that if I follow the plan as I should, I will succeed. I have faith in my ability to make good choices. I have faith in my capabilities to plan, to work hard, to succeed. I have faith that success breeds more success. That as I think, so I am.

I know I can succeed, and I know that a gentle discipline is necessary. I also know just how far I've come -- and while I cannot rest on my laurels, I can take great pride in all that I have done in 5 years.

And I know I am blessed to finally see daylight.

BOOM

2011-08-05T20:48:00.000-04:00

That BOOM you heard around 6:00 AM Eastern time was me stepping on the scale this morning. Holy Mary, Mother of God.

Another week of the crazies. We had a death in our family (my uncle, dad's brother-in-law). If you have never seen a Southern funeral food spread, then you just have no idea. Meat-n-cheese trays, potato salads and coleslaws, fried chicken, every casserole with cream-of-something soup in it, wonderfully lovingly homemade desserts. Seriously, you just cannot believe it. Churches, neighbors, other family members: they all come to call, they come to grieve with you and they come bearing food. And usually there's nothing there that can be remotely friendly.

Add to the mix a very unexpected car repair. There went workouts, because right now, my only days are Wednesday nights. Sorry, no one could come get me until late, and working out at 8:30 PM when you have to wake at 5:00 AM .... no. It doesn't work that way. And when you have no car, you are at everyone else's mercy.

As I told my physical therapist earlier today, I'm puffed up like a tick at a dog show. Again, one of the little "side benefits" of lymphedema is greater propensity to retain fluids in high heat. Even she noticed my feet and hands are more swollen than usual. And it's not from lack of drinking water or other liquids, that's for sure. The Premphase doesn't help it either. In the wall chart you get that doubles as a biochemistry lesson, a/k/a "here's what this stuff does to you and the 400 million ways it can kill you if you have...." a couple of the side affects are "weight gain" and "increased fluid retention." I look like a frickin' sausage, so ya think?

Seven pounds up. Yeah. That's what my scale said this morning. Tomorrow's official weigh-in is going to be beyond ugly. But I'm going to own every bit of it. What else can I do? I made bad choices in bad situations, instead of doing the best I could. But no more.

It stops now. This is not the way I want to do things, I am NOT going back to what used to be. I'm smarter than that, I'm better than that, and I am not going to fail. I am done with whatever self-pity party my body and brain have decided to throw for themselves. For the mouth of the Nettie hath spoken it (Oooh, memories of Christmas music past.... begone!)

And the new beginning happened tonight. I worked late and had an errand, but I was determined to get SOME exercise in. And I did.... I did a short routine, mostly cardio, but it was something. Not perfect, but something was better than nothing! And I am taking a tour next week of a fitness place closer to work, even if it's just for a short term solution while the rehearsal schedule is in place.

And to you, bad choices, I am O.V.E.R. (Onward, Victorious, Ever-Rising) and D.O.N.E. (Diva Overcoming Negative Energies). No more wallowing, no more excuses, onto better (and smaller) things...... and true health.

The Spoon and the Damage Done

2011-07-30T11:46:00.002-04:00

(with all apologies to Neil Young)

Full disclosure: This was a week. I'd like to say I did this purposely, as an experiment, but that would be a total fabrication. I'd like to say, "I purposely had a rotten week as an example of what not to do -- of do as I say, not as I do." And I'd like to say, "I'm on HRT, and all the chemical changes are just making me into a sugar-seeking monster." While this is what happened, it surely was not done on purpose, and I can't blame Premphase for it either. It's on me, all me. Amazingly enough, only by the pure grace of God (and a good workout last night) did it not affect the scale. And I can't even do a happy dance for that, because I was fully expecting way worse, and deserved whatever I got.

Still, I don't consider myself fallen from grace or anything like that. I am not going to beat myself up over this. Throughout this journey, one thing I have learned - and am still learning - is that self-flagellation does no good. I made bad choices, but I am not a bad person. I messed up, but I am not messed-up. Big difference there. Too often, there's so much of an all-or-nothing mentality, especially with weight-loss and weight-maintenance. "Oh dear, I had one donut and I gained 3 pounds. Well, might as well go eat the other 11 KK's, I blew it." Oh come on, we've all said it or thought it. "Oh crap, I ate half the bag of chips? Damn, might as well eat the rest." And we beat ourselves up when it shows up on the scale, or we nearly kill ourselves with exercise to somehow redeem ourselves. Literally, there is a whole sermon I could go on from here, but I'm trying not to do that.

Okay, so what have I learned this week:

1. Put down the simple carbs: I gotta ease up on the carbs in general. But I especially need to steer clear of the simple, refined carbs. Prime example: I bought a reduced-fat ice cream that I thought would be tasty and yet (relatively) better for me. Given my indulging in that this week, full-fat chocolate or vanilla would have been smarter. Even as I ate it, I knew it was crud marketed as "better" and I kept shoveling it in. Not again. If I'm gonna have ice cream, I'm sticking to Breyer's Fat Free, and probably most often the vanilla. At least I can put some fresh fruit over it or even some Walden-Farms no-calorie chocolate syrup. Or one of the Torani or DaVinci coffee syrups too. Mmm, the possibilities.

2. Pick up the lean protein: No question. The nights I had protein in late afternoon or evening, the better I did. And that being said, either lean meats or an omelet. Much as I love edamame, it seems to suit me better as a snack than as the primary protein for dinner. Yeah. Ya think?

3. Clean it up: Basically, I need to get back to cleaner eating. I tried it last summer when I was really struggling and it helped tremendously. And I'm finding that caffeine and sodium are becoming real issues for me, especially the sodium in this hot weather. I tend to retain more in the summer heat, one of the little lovely parting gifts of lymphedema (and tell her what else she's won, Don Pardo!). The caffeine is just something that I'm finding I don't need nearly as much as I thought. I've cut out caffeinated drinks as much as possible after 3:00 PM, avoiding the caffeinated sodas and even trying to stay clear of tea unless it's clearly labeled "caffeine free." BTW, quick product endorsement: Tazo Zero Calorie Unsweetened bottled teas - the "Refresh" is a mint one that is soooooo good!

4. HUP-2-3-4: Making time for daily exercise. I love my workouts (yes, I actually uttered this phrase). However, apparently 3 days a week, even busting it for an hour at a time, isn't enough. So even with the crazy life I have for the next 6 weeks, I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and do it. I am going to have to wake up even earlier and go do cardio, and save my whole-body workouts for non-rehearsal days. Now the trick will be to find a gym on the way to work, and buy a one-month pass just so I can pack a bag, shower and change there and drive on (my gym, unfortunately, doesn't offer shower space). And apparently, keep a healthy breakfast at the office too.

It's all in the planning. Yeah, planning. There's another whole sermon there. Me, who advocates it and usually lives by it, having to remind myself of the value of a good plan. But mainly, I've got to quit "Flirting with Disaster," "Living on the Edge" and "Cruisin"...... and REALLY refocus on healthier living.

Thomas Wolfe Was Right....

2011-07-22T19:47:00.001-04:00

This week, I attended (and acted as a breakout session leader) for a wellness symposium. During the main portion of the presentation, I heard a repeat of all the figures that I have known about wellness, the state of our health, etc., some of which I mentioned in last week's post. And somehow, it still manages to shock me. It is unbelievable at how much healthcare is costing our nation, in so many ways. I cannot fathom how one can hear those figures and do nothing.

The buzzphrase of my life in my 40s has been "educate and advocate" .... that seems to crop up over and over. And so it is still. This was something that I hope I passed on to the people in my group. We have to educate ourselves, and to educate each other. And once we have that knowledge then we must advocate for those who have no voice, or whose voice is unheard and unheeded.

Thomas Wolfe said you can't go home again, and he's right. Once you have knowledge, you cannot go back to ignorance. You cannot "unknow" something. Nor should you. And once you have knowledge on one area, then you will find that there is a tie-in to something else .... and you want to learn about a connecting area, and then you'll see how the web is woven..... you will want to do what you can to improve things. You will be angry and saddened and passionate. It might not be about food or health or wellness, but it will be about something that resonates deep within you and makes you a better person.

I'd like to close with a few profound insights from Margaret Mead:

1. "There is no greater insight into the future than recognizing... when we save our children, we save ourselves."

2. "Never ever depend on governments or institutions to solve any major problems. All social change comes from the passion of individuals."

3. "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

I Don't Get It....

2011-07-14T20:33:00.002-04:00

Wellness is a big push at most companies and that's no exception for our parent company. Bottom line is, the bottom line is being eroded by healthcare costs as a national trend. Ask any company in any field of any size. For the last two years, as part of the benefits package, our parent company has rolled out wellness initiatives including online personal health assessments (PHA's), biometric screenings, and offered a discount on employee premiums, just for taking part in those measures. There's even a nifty voluntary program where they will send you information if your screening/PHA shows an area of concern -- just information for you to discuss with your doctor and maybe a call from a wellness nurse or other employee to see if you received it, have questions, etc.

While my division does not take part in the corporate initiative (long story and not really germane) we have done a few things on our own. One wellness program in which we took part was the American Heart Association's START! program -- we did the National START! Eating Healthy Day as well as the START! Heart Walk. I'd love to see 100% turnout for both, but then again, I'd love to see a winning lottery ticket shoot forth for me too.

Our work with the AHA has led me to working on a symposium with them next week on Corporate Wellness. As a presenter, I've been reading up on wellness news. For part of my presentation, I decided to throw in a slide about "Shape of the State" .... and pulled up lots of statistics from federal and state groups, as well as private wellness foundations.

Fellow South Cacks, we are in a world of hurt. If you weren't already aware, the "F is for Fat" initiative released their studies earlier this week and the whole country's in bad shape -- literally. ONE state has an adult obesity rate at under 20%. So mazel tov, Colorado, you're doing something right! South Carolina's rank is 8th worst. That's an "improvement" over 4th in a previous year's release.... but the bad news is that other states have caught up and passed us, so it's not a real improvement.

In fact, here's the most mind-blowing statistic of all:

"Twenty years ago, no state had an obesity rate above 15 percent. Fifteen years ago, Mississippi had the highest obesity rate, at 19.4 percent, which is lower than the lowest ranking state today, (Colorado at 19.8 percent)."

And I don't get it.

I don't get why we insist on digging our graves with a spoon, tilling the soil with a fork.

I don't get why we are afraid to move an extra muscle or two except to lift 12 ounces at a time.

I don't get why we frequent restaurants and chow down a double or triple-size portion of food, and cackle at our cleverness.

I don't get why we have forgotten how much fun it was to be a kid and bike all over our town and now we won't even step off our porches to walk around the block.

You know what? I've forgotten what it was like back in the day. I've forgotten what it's like to feel drained to just breathe. I've forgotten what it's like to pile food on my plate and stretch my stomach beyond normal limits because I thought I needed it. I've forgotten what it was like to come home and just do nothing. Yes, I do too much but you know something else? I have the energy now to keep up with it - not a limitless supply (see earlier posts) but way more than I would have ever imagined.

And I don't get how I lived like that for so long. I don't get how I could have let myself just go that way. I don't get how. I don't get why.

What I get is the amazing feeling I have now. As for me, if the price of 20 more years of good life is to eat broccoli, move my butt more often, and get regular medical care -- I'll pay it!! Life is fantastic, and I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize what I squandered in my early years.

The good news is that it's never too late to stop where you are and start fresh. Every day is a do-over. For those of us who are moving within a healthier lifestyle (and keep aiming high), we know that one meal is not the downfall.... it's in the refusal to get up and keep trying.

And that's one thing I will never get.

Visualize and Attack

2011-07-07T21:03:00.002-04:00

Many years ago, a very wise woman wrote, "If you don't like your life, change it." It took a few years after reading her book to put that advice to my life, but I finally did in a couple of areas. I continue to make changes as needed to make my life even better. As I mentioned last week, the stresses of my life are playing havoc with me. So this week, I did exactly as I'd planned to do to divest myself of some of those stresses.

The massage was great -- so good, in fact, that I bought a membership in their wellness program, entitling me to a free massage each month. My next one is in two weeks and I cannot wait. I'd love to have a weekly one, but right now, I can't be that indulgent. After next June when Pearl is paid for.... maybe! But once a month is easy enough. So that's a plus! I think what I appreciated most was just finally being able to let go for a little while and be present in that moment, to know that all I had to do was be there and allow someone else to take the controls for just a sliver of time. For a control freak like myself, that was a major milestone. To simply be. Not to do anything; just be.

For my sleep debt issue, one big step that I took this week was to forgo caffeine after 3:00 PM -- at least as much as possible. I forgot and had unsweetened tea a couple of times. Even on those nights I found myself winding down earlier, about 30 minutes on average. Hey, that means I'm getting six hours instead of five-and-a-half. And guess what? No catnaps on lunch hour either. Oh my. Imagine that. Baby steps, but important ones.

Working out more regularly this week has helped too -- and bonus points for hitting the gym on the Fourth! Besides the good that it does my body, it does my mind and soul good too. At least it's made me forget everything else while concentrating on correct form (and the routine itself!) Amazing how just being there in the moment helps this part of my life as well.

I think that's been key this week: simply being there, in the moment, when I needed to be.

Not to say I still don't have some stress..... Tuesday was crazy with early payroll and forgetting that a couple of folks were out of the office all week. DUH. I haven't yet heard back about my labwork from last week, so they will be getting a call from me tomorrow. Regardless of what the numbers may or may not say, I know that something is not right, and I am determined to find the answers. And I surely didn't like what the scale said earlier today .... kind of kvetched about that in the car on the way home tonight. But you know, really, it is what it is. And I know what it takes to succeed, and now I can let it go.

For all these things, the answer is simple: Visualize and attack.... yeah, just like in The Waterboy. Visualize what I want and go for it. Whether it's weight loss or maintenance, stress relief, time management, new workouts, you just have to visualize and attack. Picture what you want. Focus on it. Determine how you are going to make it happen. Plan accordingly. Attack. Evaluate. Re-focus. Begin again. Every moment, every day.

Are there things beyond my control? Uh, did the sun rise in the east this morning? Will it set in the west? OF COURSE. I have come to the belief that somehow the universe allows us just the amount of control that we should have and the rest lies in a power beyond us. ("Wise, but you have much to learn, grasshopper!") Yet that does not absolve us from acting upon the things that we can control -- and doing so with the best of our ability, enthusiasm, drive, and power.

Visualize and attack. Sounds like a great plan for this week. Control what the universe allows me, and quit fretting over what is not in my power and control. Yep.... it's gonna be good this week.

I leave you with a quote from Helen Keller: "So much has been given to me; I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied." POWERFUL.

Go forth and conquer!!

Moving forward and looking back...

2011-07-03T09:08:00.003-04:00

I have to laugh, smile, and give a little thanks. Okay, a lot of thanks.

After I published my last post, a dear friend in the Pacific Northwest e-mailed me with a laundry list of information on how sleep debt can wreak havoc on the body. She's a naturopathic doctor, and believe me, I listened. I started doing some reading on my own, and she's spot on. A lot of medical information out there and research on sleep debt, sleep deprivation and how it impacts everything in your system. Add a billion pounds from the stress of the weight of the world on one's shoulder and ...... well, you'll see me.

So I have taken definite action. I have an appointment this coming Tuesday for a massage. Now I've had massage therapy before with chiropractic, and I've had a few chair massages, but it's not the same as an hour on a table. I am SO looking forward to this. I remember reading a passage in Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood where Vivi is on the massage table with a million worries dancing through her head and old memories surfacing and she just cries and cries and cries while she's being worked on. I can see that happening to me .... and I won't care at all. Let the tears come if they have to.

And I took a small step this weekend. It's going to sound silly, but I revisited a piece of my past so that I could sleep in this morning. I went to a Saturday Mass at one of the parishes for which I previously worked. I ran into a lot of the people I had known and enjoyed working with for years. There was one lady in particular I ran into -- I hadn't seen her in years, but I knew she'd be there. I think about her when I drive home on a certain road. She lives in a subdivision off this highway, and I sometimes thought about just stopping by her house to say hi.... but then I always go, "Aw, no, I couldn't do that." So I saw her last night and she just couldn't believe it! I also saw a couple of parishioners there who helped me so much back in the day, when I was having a serious health issue. He is a physician (albeit not in that specialty) and his wife is a nurse (now a stay-at-home mom). When I was having health issues about 8 years ago, my coworker asked them after church one weekend what advice they would give me if I had another flare-up. His advice was spot-on, and saved me a lot of trouble in the long run. I looked decidedly differently than those years ago, when I woke up in a hospital bed to see him standing at the foot asking how I was doing. Again, not even his patient, not in his specialty, but he was kind enough to reach out. And her advice on what to do in the meantime was extremely helpful!

But even better, I ran into one of my old dear friends.... okay, a "trouble buddy." I have some wonderful friends in my life, several of whom fall into this category. There are "LifeSavers" - they are the ones you call for bail money. "Trouble Buddies" are the ones in the pokey WITH you! Yep, she and I had some adventures back in the day! We sat together, laughed together, then went out for dinner afterwards. It was so much fun! It was an evening without stress, without a care, just lots of laughs and good memories.

And yes, I slept in, at least as long as my dog would allow. Boo-Boo is a built-in alarm clock. Not that he has to go outside, just wondering why you're not up, since you're usually up by now..... and it's a beautiful glorious morning of sunshine, warm (hot) weather, and the knowledge that I can do it again tomorrow!!! (Tuesday, another story.... but we're not looking that far ahead!)

In Need of An Adjustment

2011-06-30T22:15:00.003-04:00

Every two weeks, I go to a chiropractor for an adjustment. I first used chiropractic care about 15 years ago when I had a lower back issue. I went every week for about 18 months, mostly for maintenance once the issue was cleared up. I had the same problem recur a few years afterwards during a time of great stress in my life, and so back to chiropractic care I went. I found it amazing that the issue diminished as soon as my major stressor went away.... hmm. Imagine that.

This time I go for normal maintenance.... and because my shoulders and upper back are in a constant state of tension. How much is due to the normal stresses of life and how much is due to some other things.... I don't know. I'm sure that my back and shoulders are not helped by the massive amounts of excess skin that I carry. I'm sure that it also doesn't help to have gravity affect my upper front so that I tend to "pitch forward." But a lot of it is due to just plain old stress. Imagine my surprise when my chiropractor said to me (while trying to adjust my shoulders): "You have got to let go of some of this stress...."

I couldn't say much except, "I know."

I don't talk much about the stress, except with treasured, trusted friends. Suffice to say there's been way more of it than I would like, and lately my responses to the stress have not been ideal. The worst part is the moodiness; "turn on a dime" is a good descriptor for it. Plenty of days, it doesn't take much. Part of it is what's going on with my life, and another part of it is sleep debt. Do not tell me sleep debt is not an issue. If my sleep debt were the national budget, Congress would be fighting over getting me balanced. Right now, I'm averaging 5.5 hours a night, 6 nights a week. I know there are links to sleep debt and weight control. I know that all this -- the stress, my reactions, and the sleep debt -- is not helping me keep my weight as well-maintained as I'd like. I am struggling lately, more than I would like. From reviewing my journals (yet another way tracking pays!), there isn't an issue with my food choices or the portions. So I don't know..... and if there's something that bothers me to no end, it's not having the answers.

What I do know is this: I am fighting myself, and I am losing. This is not a feeling I like. I don't like the moodiness, I don't like the tiredness, I don't like the exhaustion and exasperation I feel. I don't like me this way.

I'm not sure what the plan is right now. I'm not sure what is going to work. I have some ideas, but I need to ponder them a little more. I know there is an answer to all this. I have some ideas and possibilities, but I need to ponder them a little more before I take action.

Yep. It's time for an adjustment in a million ways. So I'm making the time on this holiday weekend to form a plan and make it work. I need to discover a regrouped, revised, refined, revitalized, reborn me. I like the sound of that.

What's Really Eating Us?

2011-06-23T21:24:00.008-04:00

This week, our topic was all about recognizing our hunger signals..... how to listen to our body, and as our leader said, "honor our hunger." We have to recognize that it is there, feed it well without overfeeding, and move on. Wow.... there are so many topics there, I truly hardly know where to start.

One of the things I kept thinking about is that we need to honor our physical hunger, and yet acknowledge our other hungers.... which when unsatisfied can lead us to overeat. We can't satisfy the emotional or spiritual hunger within us, so we stuff it down with food we don't need. Many years ago, I bought a great devotional guide called Food for the Hungry Heart by Cynthia Rowland McClure, with daily thoughts, prayers, etc. At the time, I was climbing toward my heaviest weight, knowing that a lot of what she said was true -- but denying that it really applied to me. Right? I was happy. I had a full life. But I am amazed at just how much better my life is since I started this journey toward health and wholeness. There were things I was trying to pacify with food instead of with deeper introspection. I was in denial - Don't Even kNow I Am Lying.

As I reflected on the topic, I thought about a kid named Franky (not his real name) who was very close to some of my extended family. Franky was born with a slew of difficulties to overcome: congenital physical issues and limitations, as well as mental disabilities which just compounded things. Add to that one distant parent and one who was overindulgent ... it all combined to make a recipe for disaster. By the time he was a teen, he was already right around 300 pounds. Indulgent Parent would throw up hands and say, "Well, am I supposed to padlock the cabinets?" or "But Mickey D's is his favorite place...." As a teen, Franky was sent to a major children's medical facility in another state for intervention. It worked for a while, but he never seemed to be able to set limits for himself -- and the indulgent parent just couldn't face saying no to Franky.

A couple of years ago, they discovered that Franky had yet another problem: Prader-Willi Syndrome. It suddenly made perfect sense: it wasn't just Franky's mental limits giving him troubles in managing food, he truly physically lacked the control mechanism for satiety. Time between meals or snacks or mindless eating meant zero ... he was always hungry. His health, already fragile enough from his childhood situations, was shot to pieces by his girth. Sadly, it is very little wonder that he died before age 30 about a year ago. He was cremated because a casket for someone his size was way more than his family could afford.

Franky couldn't get full, physically (and in other ways too). And so many of us are the same way, never getting satisfied no matter what. The food satisfies our physical hunger but not the soul ache. As my first leader was fond of saying, "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer." And she was right. No hamburger, pizza, cake, pie, ice cream, popcorn, whatever will soothe a pained heart or soul .... it just compounds it by making you feel guilty for overindulging. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to say "No, that doesn't work for me" or "No, I can't do that."

Feed the true hunger. Find it and feed it tenderly, gently, slowly and just to satisfaction. Dig deep. Sure, there may be pain in the discovery, but it is far better than trying to mask it with something that isn't going to solve the issue.

And honor your physical hunger by making good choices when you do need to eat.

Live well. Laugh often. Love deep and strong.

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast....

2011-06-17T21:48:00.003-04:00

Things have been interesting in my world for these past few days. But a couple of really nice things have happened along the way too. I got in my workouts this week (YAY ME!) including the new "power routine" ... I didn't get in the follow-up cardio, but I did get in the lifting! I was pleasantly amazed that it's manageable. It's not easy, mind you, but definitely manageable. The other nice thing is that my garden has been wonderfully watered by nature this week. The storms have left some damage in their wake ... such as not having any power at work on Thursday and running off a generator, but the natural watering has been a nice side benefit!

So last night, after the WW meeting, I was sitting at Jason's Deli. I could turn this space into an ad for them, but I'll refrain. I was chowing down on a beautiful rainbow salad and thinking, "How often do we really think about the food we're eating? Do we really take the time to discover and appreciate the taste of each ingredient or the varieties of things?" For example, I always get a salad bar trip .... and I always go for the baby mixed greens as my salad base. The mesclun usually is red and green leaf lettuces, arugula, maybe even a baby chard or two. Big difference there between the arugula (spicy) and the red leaf lettuce (mild), and yet very complementary. I had yellow and red bell pepper slices -- slight differences there as well. The red is sweet, but it had a slight hint of the fire it could have contained but for a twist or two of a DNA helix.

And that's when it occurred to me that we don't really often appreciate it enough.... there's such variety of taste, texture, scent, flavor, etc. but we're usually too busy inhaling the food to consider it. I am preaching to myself. Last night, I made the time to enjoy it, but all too often, food isn't a pleasure but just fuel for the next leg of the day's journey. Today was a mixed bag: I could tell you the various things in my lunch salad, but the turkey sandwich... well, it was just your basic turkey on white (I meant to ask for wheat and forgot... ugh!). Tasty but I mainly ate it for fuel, the salad as well, but it had enough distinct things that I remembered more of it.

I get a million health/wellness/foodstuff newsletters, e-mails, etc. I've chosen to subscribe to quite a few and I enjoy reading them at my leisure (insert massive guffaw there). Okay, I skim them. One that I do enjoy reading more about is Slow Food USA. I like a lot of what they represent -- and it challenges me to really think about my food. It challenges me to slow down... not only in terms of how we get our food from farm to table, but how we get it from table to body. From stomach to brain.

We Americans are far too guilty of wolfing down our food and not really enjoying it as we should. I've just bought Dr. David Kessler's The End of Overeating ... I kind of skimmed it and am going to dive deeper into it. But one of the things that he mentions is how in many countries, meal time is rest time. Time to enjoy the company of friends and family, to savor what has been prepared (whether in your own kitchen or a restaurant). One of the things he mentions is how little other countries snack because they are satiated at meal time. I think part of that is because they take time. They allow for the 20-30 minutes for the stomach to tell the brain, "Nah, I'm good, you can stop now." How often I prepare a nutritious lunch and STILL wolf it down because I have to run an errand on lunch hour .... or I pull into a drive-through for a quick dinner because it's 8:00 PM and I'm too tired and hungry to go home and prepare something or even to heat leftovers.

Just something to consider....

And hey, Upstate peeps, did you know there's a local chapter of SlowFood USA here? Check out Slow Food Upstate.

Keeping track....

2011-06-09T21:15:00.003-04:00

This week's topic was all about tracking .... and to help keep us on track, those of us who have been working Saturday mornings have been passing around a tracker among ourselves, to help us be more accountable.

Throughout my 5 years of being a WW member, tracking has never been a problem or issue. I would say that 95% of the time, I am a pretty faithful tracker. Even when I was following Simply Filling, I tracked to keep up with my weekly allowance, and to help me see where I needed to tweak things. During my transition to PointsPlus, tracking was utterly essential ....

For the first four years, I tracked in my journals faithfully. It has only been within the last year or so that e-Tools has become my preferred method of tracking. I'm on a computer all day, I figure I might as well take 2-3 minutes at lunch time to track what I eat (I track breakfast at home, snack & lunch then, afternoon snack & dinner at home, as well as any evening treats).

Anyway, this week was my week to take the paper journal and commit to it..... And I have been very faithful about tracking this week, both online and on paper. So what did I learn this week?

1. That holy crap, am I in a rut..... same breakfast, every morning. Of course, I have the same breakfast 98% of the time: cereal (mostly Kashi GoLean original), milk, banana, and blueberries (at least lately). Pros - it's quick, and I know the PPV. And it WORKS to keep me from snacking the minute I get to work. Cons - well, it's the same old same old. New plan: a different breakfast idea at least 2 times a week.

2. Snack rut too --- fruit in the morning, popcorn in the afternoon. Pros: it works. Cons: zzzzz. Okay, seriously, the afternoon one may not be working so well, especially when I have a late night. This week, I had a couple of late nights in a row, and it meant that one night, I went about four hours between popcorn and a real meal. It held, but I could have done much better. New plan: think of a new afternoon snack, if nothing else. The fruit works well in the morning, but I need more protein in the afternoon. Think hummus or boiled egg (which I have on hand!)

3. Exercise -- I definitely need to do more each day. Right now, I have a 2x-week interval routine, a 1x-week "power routine" but I need to do something at least 2 more times during the week. Starting this week, for the first time in 6 months, my schedule will finally ... finally ... finally stabilize. So with that in mind.... New Plan: Walk Maddox two mornings or very late evenings a week -- probably Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.

And the best part of the week's tracking: Monday and today were both incredibly harried and hurried and horrific. Monday, it seemed that everyone had a question that only I could answer, or a problem that only I could solve (I exaggerate... slightly... very slightly). Today... OMG. Do not even ask.... two words: DMV and Hacked Account (okay, that's technically 3 words - and 2 completely separate problems!). Neither day did I even think about stuffing my face with food. Didn't even consider it. Both days, I had too much on my plate (so to speak) ... food, not even part of the equation. WHEW. Not that I want all that stress -- God, no, please, not. But I like the knowledge that I do not have to turn to food. That's big.

Here's hoping this week finds you on track, back on track, planning to get on track, or even just wondering which way the track runs.....

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

How is my garden growing?

2011-06-06T21:06:00.002-04:00

Actually, very well!

I transplanted all the tomato plants, the orange bell pepper plant, the zucchini, and the cucumber plants to my raised bed. I am using Miracle-Gro Organic Choice Garden Soil for the raised bed; I had been using the same thing, but the "container soil" for the pots. The next things to be transplanted -- probably tomorrow night -- will be the salad greens, the broccoli, and the eggplant seedlings that survived.

The herbs are doing well, as are the berry plants (both strawberry & blueberry). I would like to get another blueberry bush.... maybe this weekend!

I will take pictures of everything tomorrow night to show off!

Guest Post: Grab and Go Breakfasts!

2011-06-05T14:35:00.001-04:00

Good Morning! My name is Angie and I blog over at Successful Together. I am SO excited to be here with you today!! Annette is a super lady, whom I had the pleasure of meeting through our Saturday morning WW meeting in Seneca. When she asked me to do a guest post featuring Grab and Go Breakfasts, I was THRILLED!

There are a few different levels of Grab and Go breakfasts. You can start with the true grab and go's that require little to no prep, Fresh Fruits. If nothing else, these can hold you over til you can get somewhere to have a more staying breakfast. Most of the recipes and items I will feature below should be ready in under 3 minutes, or can be prepped ahead to make it even easier to get in a good meal to get your day started on the right foot (or left, if thats the direction you so choose!)

PS Pardon the wonky-ness of some of the text not matching. Just roll with it!

Breakfast Smoothies
Smoothies are super refreshing and easy to make. Most can be prepped ahead so all you have to do it throw the ingredients in the blend, mix up and go. When I first started making smoothies, they were HUGE. SO large they would keep me full til lunch. I have slowly learned how to downsize them and keep them enjoyable.

Angie's Green Monster.

1 small apple, cored and diced
1 small banana, sliced and frozen
3 stalks of kale (but just the leafy parts!)
1/2 cup milk, slightly frozen

( i put mine in the freezer for about 30 minutes)
1/2 cup water
1 tablespoon of PB2
a few drops of vanilla flavoring

(just PPV from the PB2 & your Milk!)

Pineapple Banana Smoothie

1 Frozen banana

2 pineapple rings

1 oz 1/3 less fat Philly Cream Cheese

1/2 cup Peach Propel zero

Combine ingredients in blender and blend until

smooth. ~3 Points+

Yellow Morning Sunshine Smoothie
Ingredients:
3/4 cup mashed butternut squash, with brown sugar & cinnamon
1 frozen banana
1 cup frozen peaches
2 dole pineapple rings (canned in its own juice)
about 1 cup of water
2 Points+ (brown sugar, spray butter from the squash)

Solid Foods: Quick and Easy

Sometimes it is nice to have go to quick and easy dishes that are easy to transport. These are some of my favorites!

Turkey Egg and Cheese Sandwich
Ingredients:
2 Slices light wheat bread
1 egg
1 slice cheese
1 serving turkey deli meat ( I used Oscar Mayer)
Salt and Pepper to taste

Preparation:
Put your bread in the toaster.
Spray a small (1-2 cup size) microwave safe container
with pan spray. Beat egg in container, add salt and pepper.
Microwave on high for about 1 minute. CONTAINER WILL BE
HOT! =) Be careful when removing from the microwave.
While toast is finishing, put the deli meat in the microwave
for about 30 seconds. I normally will put it on a saucer
plate in about the size and shape of the bread.
Once your toast is done, put the meat on the bread,
top with cheese, and then turn the scrambled egg
out on top of the cheese. Serve and Enjoy!
About 7 Points+ depending on your ingredients!

Sweet Potato Pineapple Oatmeal

Ingredients: makes 1 serving

1/2 cup (130g) Sweet potatoes, canned in syrup,

syrup drained, then mashed.

1/2 cup pineapple tidbits, canned in own juice, juice drained

1/4 cup quick oats

about 2 tablespoons of water

1/8 teaspoon cinnamon

1 packet splenda with fiber

mix all of the ingredients together, stir to combine well.

Since I noticed some of the moisture cooked out yesterday,

I put a saucer over my bowl this morning before I

heated it in the microwave to hold it in a bit. Heat in

microwave for about 1-1.25 minutes. serve and enjoy =)

5 Points+ for all of it =)

Say hello to your breakfast with about 13% of you

DRV Iron, 230% Vitamin A, and 55% Vitamin C.

Pineapple and Strawberry Ricotta
Ingredients:
2 pineapple rings, diced and rinsed
3 oz strawberries, stems removed, diced and rinsed
1/4 cup ricotta
1 packet splenda with fiber

Combine pineapple, strawberries and splenda in food
processor until coarse.
Top ricotta, stir and serve!
Just the Points+ from your ricotta!

Egg and Cheese Breakfast Burrito
Ingredients
1 flour tortilla
1 Egg (you could use egg beaters)
1 tbspoon 2% cheese
1 tbspoon salsa

LINE 2-cup microwave-safe cereal bowl with

microwave-safe paper towel.PRESS tortilla into bowl.

BREAK egg into center of tortilla. BEAT egg gently

with a fork until blended, being careful not to tear tortilla.

( I beat mine in a separate bowl!)

MICROWAVE on HIGH 30 seconds; stir. (I didnt stir mine!)

MICROWAVE until egg is almost set, 15 to 30 seconds longer.

REMOVE tortilla with paper towel liner from bowl to flat surface.

TOP egg with cheese and salsa. FOLD bottom of tortilla

over egg, then fold in sides.

5-6 PointsPlus Depending on your cheese! :)

Solid Food: Make ahead:
Make ahead and freeze, then just reheat and run!

Banana Blueberry Waffle

Banana Cinnamon French Toast

Thank you Annette for having me! I hope this has inspired you to try something new! And we all know that breakfast foods are good anytime of the day!

Just WOW.... (guest post, kinda)

2011-05-30T21:02:00.002-04:00

Okay, not really.... more of a "guest post and she doesn't even know it." I don't know this author from Eve, but she has an awesome message and lesson for each person who deals with food issues. But my dear friend Angie of "Successful.... Together" passed it on to me.

Definitely worth your time to read..... even if you don't profess a particularly religious bent. The message is still good.

And so....... from "Living a Changed Life" I am happy to share:
Don't Eat Your Way Out of the Pit

Sometimes it be's like that.

2011-05-28T19:56:00.002-04:00

Sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger, baby
Sometimes you're the ball.....
-- Mark Knopfler

And today was just such a day. I was SO proud of myself because I'd really struggled last week. This week, I worked out hard (including the 5K) and was down big at this week's weigh-in. After work this morning, I headed for a meeting where my best friend is involved... and lunch was KFC. Not just KFC, but KFC Original.

Forgive me if I break into "Precious Memories" but KFC doth provide. My maternal grandmother lived in a nursing home, of her own choice, for the last five years of her life. Her one indulgence each month, when she got a small refund check after her care was paid for, was to call us to come visit and stop by KFC and get her a two-piece meal. I'm telling you, it's been 35 years, and I can STILL smell KFC from the 70s and it's a sweet, pleasant memory.

So there I was, faced with a powerful memory -- and hunger too by this point (1:45 PM). So I indulged. But I did GOOD. I stripped off the skin and as much breading as possible -- saved me 6 PPV!!! (And the chicken was still tasty .... yum yum!). The green beans were awesome, and even the gravy didn't hurt the mashed potatoes. But then came Satan presenting himself to me, just as he did to Mother Eve all those years ago..... okay, except temptation wasn't an apple, it was a KFC biscuit. And I'm betting the fruit was just as yummy to Eve as that biscuit was to me.

Okay, honestly, did I need it? No. But I will say this. I didn't feel the need to eat again the rest of the afternoon through a haircut and grocery shopping and a couple of other errands.

I called home to see what dinner plans were, thinking we might grill out, as we are sometimes wont to do on a pretty Saturday evening. "Iunnna..." (or, more closely translated, "I don't know") was the response. Okay, fine, whatever, we'll figure it out. I go on to the grocery, when I hear the phone ring.... "Hey, we decided on pizza, so I got a cheese, and it's Domino's is that okay?" Sure. If I decide I don't want it, I have food, it's no biggie.

I changed my mind: the pizza called.... I responded. Dang it was good. And paired with a salad and some fresh fruit, even better.

The overall damage? Not nearly what I thought. Oh sure, I used a few of my Points Plus Allowance for the week, but I expected to. I'm not stuffed but I am satisfied. And it's all good.

Yep, sometimes it be's like that.

I don't usually brag too much on myself...

2011-05-23T21:07:00.002-04:00

But this one I'm shouting from the rooftops!

Yesterday was the Weight Watchers Walk-It Challenge. Our local one had over 500 registrants and 444 finishers....... I was #91. HOLY COW!!! I'm almost always in the bottom third at every 5K I'm in, so to finish in the top 25% was astounding.

Better still.......... I have a new Personal Record!!!! 45:56!

Yes, I finally broke 48 minutes. Even more impressive given that the temperature yesterday (even after 6:00 PM) was just a little cooler than the inner circles of hell.

But even more impressive were all the people who showed, who walked, who competed against themselves and their limits. I was so proud of so many people for whom it was their first ever organized event. I hope it spurs in them a desire to try again, and to do more. Now they have a benchmark, a starting place -- a bar to be lowered. I'm so proud of the people who have taken their health into their hands and decided to make things better.

And I'm proud that WW is donating to the Alliance for a Healthy Generation -- it is a great initiative to help stem the tide of childhood obesity. It is up to all of us -- parents or not -- to not only model good healthy behavior for children, but to listen to them when they tell us about healthy behaviors they want to adopt. Let's encourage all our children to eat right and be active -- and do it ourselves.

Can't wait for the next 5K, and next year's WW Walk-It Challenge..... dare I set my sights on 43:00? :)

Back to life, back to reality....

2011-05-22T08:19:00.003-04:00

Okay: I admit it. I watch The Biggest Loser. I'm not a rabid follower, and I mostly just watch the weigh-in portion of the show (last 30 minutes) and that's it. If I miss it, no biggie, I go to MSNBC.com for the synopsis. But over the years, I have had some issues with the show in general.

Yes, I realize that it has inspired people to take charge of their lives. And yes, there are some people who have had continued success with it -- Phil & Amy Parham from my area of the world come to mind. They are the kind of people that I root for, the ones for whom it was more than just a contest. They really did change their lives, their outlooks, their futures.

My biggest issue is that for many who sit on their couch, it provides unrealistic expectations. I was plenty ticked earlier this season when a contestant -- who'd lost 100+ pounds before she got on the show -- was sent packing because she fell below the yellow line. They frickin' did a "slow clap" because she "only" lost 2 pounds that week. And a couple of weeks ago, another contestant who lost 161 pounds was sent home. He was in pure agony at the scale because he'd only lost 1 pound -- not enough to keep him around.

I realize it wouldn't make for much of a show if they followed these people through a healthy weight loss process over the years it should take them to lose weight. No one would tune in to watch them work out for only 30 minutes a day, an hour possibly. Sure, there are some disclaimers about being under the guidance of a doctor, check with your physician, etc., but really? Shouldn't a doctor be on at the beginning and end of each hour, reminding at-home viewers that healthy weight loss is anywhere from one-half to two pounds per week? That they need to strive for 30 minutes of activity on most days? That what they're seeing is not typical?

Unfortunately, it sets people up for unrealistic expectations when they walk in the doors of a weight-loss group (be it Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or a bariatric clinic). They want to drop 100+ pounds in 14 weeks just like (contestant) on TBL. I want some doctor, some nurse or even a WW receptionist to scrunch their nose, cock their head to the side, peer into their eyes and say, "Did I just hear you correctly?"

Yesterday, a lady joined at our center and said, "I have a challenge to present. I have a high school reunion at the end of July and I want to weigh what I did in high school." She had this twinkle in her eye that told me she was jesting, but she was serious about getting to a better place of health. So I hope that she will stay in it for the long haul and get back there. But so many people do walk into various places and seriously say, "My son is getting married in 3 months, I have 8 weeks to find a dress and I need to lose 45 pounds." Really? When did your son propose to his intended? Do you really think it's healthy and realistic to lose that much in that timeframe? What I need to say in response is, "We will help you lose weight, but healthy weight loss is no more than 2 pounds per week after the first 3 weeks or so. So aim for 20 pounds and then go dress-shopping. And you'll be 20 pounds lighter than you are now, and who knows how much lighter than you might have been if you hadn't come in!"

I want so much for people to have a real-life view of weight loss. I want them to focus on what they can gain by losing: more confidence, strength of body and spirit, a complete paradigm shift for life. To reclaim themselves and their lives again. I want them to have goals but to also be aware that reaching the goals is more important than how long it takes to reach the goal. I want them to make themselves, their lives, their health a priority, and to tell some of the naysayers and energy vampires in their lives to um, well, um, (ooh, keep it family-friendly),...... well, you get the idea. I want them to claim the power of choice in their lives, and of owning all their choices, good and bad. It's a process I'm still learning. I have some energy vampires in my life that need to be in my rearview mirror. I have moments when I don't claim my choices but I do it more often than I ever did before.

And that, folks, is reality. That's real life. That's gaining 0.4 one week and not knowing why and losing 3.2 the next and saying, "WHEW." That's thinking, "Okay, I'm tired, it was a long day, but I can at least go for a quick walk around the neighborhood. I gotta do something." It's saying, "Oooh, how many PP for those chips and salsa? Yow. Next time, I'll know better..." (and following through).

Reality. What a rush!

Happy Anniversary to Me!

2011-05-11T20:16:00.000-04:00

On May 11, 2006, right around this time of day, I was driving home and thinking, "This has got to work. It just has to. Things cannot get any worse. I cannot get any heavier. This.... this is it. I have to make this work."

I had just left the doors of the Greenville SC Weight Watchers center. I was nervous, and yet oddly excited. I had the feeling that I'd just taken my life back. I had no idea what lay five years out -- only the potential that if I didn't do something, then all my friends might be standing around a pine box going, "Why? What happened?"

Everything in the universe clicked together that day and made me say, "This is it. It has to be tonight." I believe very strongly that there are no coincidences. I was meant to be there that night, because fate/God/the universe had me there the same night as Debbie and Bev. Debbie and Bev were two guardian angels with precious golden hearts and nerves of steel, and enough love and care for me and everyone else in the room.

And here I am. That night, I would not have believed you if you had told me

that I could do even one 5K -- let alone the ten I have done in just 3-1/2 years. Why not more? Working on Saturday mornings (prime race time). Oh well! I do the ones I can!
that I would become deeply interested in food, in nutrition, in physiology, in so many other things that it takes to work to become truly whole.
that I would decide that part of my mission in life is to educate and advocate, and not just about health and wellness.

Even more than all that, what I have learned is how not to settle. I found my voice -- not just to share my story, but I really did find my physical voice again. I found my hipbones as well as my backbone. I found life in the most unexpected ways.

Happy Five .... of many!

Reason to celebrate

2011-05-07T14:19:00.002-04:00

The air was crisp and the sun brightening this morning as I left -- not for my work at WW, but for a special event. It's a long story, but to sum up, I was asked to please come share my story as part of the 3rd Annual Tigerville Trot 5K.

Tigerville SC is a small town in the northern part of the adjoining county. It is home to a small university (NCAA Div II), and families looking to live outside the bustle of the main towns of the county. Outside an Einstein Brothers Bagel shop, I didn't see any fast-food place for quite a while. It's about 10 miles or so to the town my best friend lives in, about 8 from the nearest Wally World, and it's a whole different world. And I mean that in the absolute nicest way possible.

The run is a great event for the kids and the town, and serves to raise additional funds for health and wellness programs at the school. Just a thought......... do not even get me started on how warped our culture's priorities are when teachers are compelled to create, plan, and host fundraisers for what should be basic and fully-funded programs. Even though I was Queen Nerd in school, I will be the first to say that there is tremendous value to the Three A's in proper balance: Academics, Athletics, Arts (another area which is all too often cut at the expense of either of the first two). But I digress......

The crispness of the morning was fading by the time we started the race, and I started out at a mild jog.... which almost immediately moved into a slower jog and then to my walking pace. I ended up way at the back of the pack. Embarrassing? Yes. Here I was supposed to come tell my story about my success, and I'm flopping like a dead mackerel on a pier. But there were plenty of reasons to celebrate:

1. The kids!!! Oh my gosh, there were lots of students there - from two different elementary schools where this teacher is assigned. And they were excited about the race. That was awesome to see. And several of them were wearing special blue shirts --- as members of the Tigerville Running Club! WOW! That was really good to see. It is thrilling to not only see teachers who are working with kids on active lifestyles, and setting the example themselves, but especially to see the kids so enthusiastic and willing to be part of this initiative.

2. The parents. THAT was awesome to see too -- not just the parents who raced along with their kids, but all of the ones who showed up for support. I saw parents and grandparents or other relatives all there to cheer them on!

3. The course itself. If not the most challenging one I've had yet, it's darn close! I laugh when I tell the story about one 5K I had that really was uphill both ways. This one had one or two slight downhills but it was either flat or uphill most of the way. For a girl who's been accustomed lately to interval training only (and only that, recently), it has inspired me to figure out a way to get in extra exercise..... But more than that, there was such beauty and peace on this route. Seriously, you are out in the middle of nowhere. The elementary school is right on the edge of town (most of the town being the university). You went down about a half-mile at most and suddenly the houses were not just further apart but WAY further apart. I passed a pasture in the first half of the race (and okay, again in the 2nd half since we made a loop) -- with a big group of black cows looking at us like "crazy humans!" On the second mile, when I got to the turn-around/water station, I took out one earbud, and it was pure silence outside. Beautiful, peaceful silence that made me pause...... well, that and the road sign. Seems I found the road that a coworker lives on! They recently moved there, and she said it was out toward that way... I had no idea how close I was!

As I was coming back, some of the kids who had run earlier were there to cheer us on.... I laughed a little and said, "Wow, didn't know I was going to be that slow...." and she said, "Yeah, but you didn't give up!" What's that verse about "out of the mouths of babes"? She was dead on. A friend in Atlanta told me before my first 5K, "It doesn't matter where you finish or when you finish -- just that you finish!" That's been my philosophy ever since, and I had just forgotten how important that is.

Then when I crossed, they gave me my time.... 48:39. The kicker? That's only 18 stinkin' seconds off my Personal Best. Can you believe that?

And I have to get my butt in gear for the Walk-It Challenge on the 22nd.

I don't know what has come over me....

2011-05-05T21:37:00.002-04:00

So last weekend, I got in a frame of mind that I have rarely ever found myself in: Green Thumb Mode.

I am not joking -- not in the very least -- when I tell you I can kill cactus. I could almost kill kudzu. Clemson's ag professors might do well to consult me on this little problem that's plagued the South forever..... but I digress. I've never had even a passing interest in much more than an herb garden. And I should note that I tried that once already: epic fail.

But something came over me a couple of weekends ago, and I started a tomato mini-greenhouse, a strawberry pot, a lavender mini-pot, and a pot of sweet peppers. While the strawberry and lavender haven't quite taken off, the peppers and tomatoes are doing well! So.... last weekend, I really got on a tear. Two more mini-greenhouses for seeds of eggplants and rosemary. More lavender seeds, and more plants of sweet peppers, zucchini and cucumbers, along with oregano and other herbs, thanks to the Spice of Life Expo (our WW booth was directly across from Home Depot's). And also attempting to grow from seeds more peppers, mesclun, broccoli and.... well, some other stuff. I forget it all. OH! Mini-pumpkins! That was it!

Then they went and did it, "they" being Old Time Pottery... sent me a flyer telling me about the nice stuff in their garden center, including ... BLUEBERRY BUSHES! Folks, I cannot begin to tell you how much I have spent on blueberries in this past calendar year. I flippin' love the little buggers. But in the winter, I am darn tired of spending a small fortune on bags of frozen berries. A couple of years back, I bought a slew of them at the farmer's market, froze them myself, and used them well into the late fall before I had to buy any. While I may have to buy some more this year from either the farm itself or a farmer's market, I hope to change that!

I also bought "June-Blooming Strawberry" plants (one of which has a real-life, honest-to-Pete berry hanging there!), and some more herbs (sage, dill, and a lavender plant, in case the seeds don't work).

What, again, pray tell, has come over me?

I think it happened when I started talking about local food. I have mentioned in earlier posts that one of the things I love about cooking is the preparation process. I love the chopping, the slicing, the stirring, the blending, finding new herb combinations, and how it all kind of makes me feel more connected to what I'm eating or cooking. I can only imagine how it's going to be to eat the things I personally have grown, and to use them in my dishes. WOW! I can't wait!

Just remembered this resource

2011-05-01T18:37:00.003-04:00

I had TOTALLY forgotten about this particular magazine!! Check out Edible Upcountry for more information about local food in Upstate SC.

I am in trouble now...

2011-04-30T20:41:00.002-04:00

Several weeks ago, a member stopped by our center for a weigh-in. She was visiting from Pennsylvania (if memory serves) and stopped in on her way to Florida. During part of her brief moments with us, she told us about a place in Pinehurst NC that does gourmet specialty olive oils and vinegars. I told some of my buddies about it and we laughed and said, "ROAD TRIP!!!" (Pinehurst is about 6-7 hours or so from here?).

Alas, no road trip awaits. At least not 6 or 7 hours in cars with my coworkers. Instead, we may make a 30 minute trip. There is a similar store RIGHT near us.

Dear Upstate SC friends, I present to you: Palmetto Olive Oil Co. They were at the Upstate Spice of Life Expo this weekend. I stopped by there on the advice of a fellow WW staffer.

I walked out a little lighter in the wallet but with a TDF bottle of strawberry balsamic vinegar. Some of the same made its way to my salad tonight. Oh yum. I could have bought one of everything. It was that good. I also liked the cranberry-pear white balsamic. And the Persian Lime olive oil.

Yes, dear friends. I am indeed in deeeeeeep yogurt. Or oil. Or balsamic. Oh...dear.

***

And may I also recommend Great Harvest Bread Co. (Upstate peeps, they're on Woodruff Road). I asked them an odd question: "Do you have a whole-wheat bread that's also low-carb? I know, an oxymoron, right?" To which they replied, "Not at all, we have that, but not right now...." (I caught them right as EVERYONE was packing up). Lo and behold, they HAD one for me! And according to their nutritional stats, a 42 gram (~1.5 oz) slice is worth 2 PointsPlus. OH MY!

***

Well, I had seen a tweet earlier this week that tied into my last post about local eating.... with a link to a good article. Dang if I can find it now. Don't even remember which person or group tweeted it! DARN IT! If I find it, I will post it.

And now for something a little more serious....

2011-04-24T16:20:00.002-04:00

I received some shocking news earlier this week. My best friend lost one of her close high school friends earlier this week to breast cancer, just a few weeks short of her 42nd birthday. I had the pleasure of meeting Laura just a few times in the 20+ years that I have known my best friend, and she was always a beautiful person.

My BFF and I were talking about how many of our generation who are leaving us way too early. In just the last two years we have lost two fraternity brothers way too soon (ages 39 and 41). We have both lost dear friends to breast cancer: mine at age 36, hers at 42. I have another friend who is bravely documenting her battle against breast cancer -- age 42. My BFF's own brother (whose birthday would have been today) passed away at 30 from cancer.

What is going on here? Not just with cancer but with an entire generation falling to diseases that should not have even been more than a fleeting thought until we hit our 60s. Now, I have my theories -- and while I'm not the love child of Det. John Munch and Jesse Ventura, I do have some ideas that are just hunches but could very well pan out. My own thought is that we have these things because of a poor food supply.

Not poor in quantity -- one need only see my chunky photos to show there was plenty of food in my childhood. Poor in quality .... well, that's debatable. I hesitate to use the word "poisoned" because that would connote that it was deliberate.... but hey, who knows? Who knows what sort of genetic modifications to the food supply took place in the 70s and 80s, and no one cared to alert the public? God only knows what years of laissez-faire toxic dumping did to our groundwater and soil? Who knows what mutations have coursed through our systems because of the food and chemicals we so eagerly ingested in childhood?

But there are groups out there, and other ways of doing things, to help your chances. Now, I'm not advocating hopping aboard the all-organic, all-natural, etc. bandwagon. As my friend Carrie put it, "Black widow spider venom is all natural" (she laughed when I told her my line is "hemlock was all natural but where did that get Socrates?"). However, I do think that we need to take a far more serious look at where our food is coming from, what's in it, who's providing it. And yes, there are times when the pocketbook trumps all. Let's face it, if I have $5 to spend on oranges, I'll buy the $2.00/bag regular ones over the $3.50/bag organic set -- after all, unless I'm buying it to use the orange peel or orange zest, it's money wasted when I throw the peel away!

Here are some websites that I visit, subscribe to their print publications, or somehow otherwise pay attention to in trying to clean up my own food supply:

Center for Science in the Public Interest -- yeah, they've been labeled the Food Police by some, but I like a lot of their advocacy work.
Food & Water Watch -- great place to stay up-to-date about some very important issues
Clean Eating magazine -- AWESOME! And while we are on that same vein, check out Tosca Reno -- she is one of the editors, and has a few clean-eating books (cookbooks, etc.).
Slow Food USA -- supporting clean, local, fair-trade food.

There are lots of good grocery stores out there that support these principles. Some are chains, some are just local stores - but wherever you live, find something that works for you. For example, I work within 3 miles of two chains (one national, one regional) that in my childhood would have been labeled "health-food stores" .... but my local larger-chain grocery (not a national chain, but a good regional one) has lots of natural/organic/healthier items as well. I'll never forget when they first opened (even before I joined WW), that I noticed each aisle had a "natural and organic" section. I kind of chuckled and thought, "Yeah, good luck with that around here!" Well, all these years later, and they still have it... and you can usually find me at least browsing in those sections for some things!

I also Strongly advocate visiting farmer's markets (whether locally operated or state-owned), local farms, and taking part in a CSA (community-supported agriculture) group. I had planned to join a nearby CSA myself this year, but a huge car repair bill put that plan on ice. For more general information on what the local food movement is about, visit the National Sustainable Agriculture Information Service.

To find a CSA near you, check out Local Harvest or the Eat Well Guide.

Here in the Carolinas, for local food sources, check out Carolina Farm Stewards. And if you are interested, visit the SC State Farmer's Market and the NC State Farmer's Market. Truth be told, I love the Asheville Farmer's Market... mostly because I've been to the one in Greenville at 9:00 AM and it's already been picked over!!! And I've been to Asheville's at 3:00 PM and still had plenty of choices! OR, if you are close to downtown Greenville, they have a Saturday Farmer's Market .... Clemson has their own market on Friday nights (starting June 3), plus nearby ones in Pendleton and Anderson, as well as Denver Downs (near Anderson). And for the last couple of years, Easley has had a Saturday farmer's market -- I got some GREAT stuff there near the end of the summer, and it was so good!

And of course, this year -- come hell or high water, if it kills me! -- I will be getting my big rear over to a nearby berry farm and to one of the local orchards for fresh berries, peaches and apples. Here's a great place to check out where to Pick-Your-Own in South Carolina, Western North Carolina, or North Georgia (or any other state/region you wish!)

The point is the more you know about your food, how it reacts with your body, the more you realize that you need to put the best that you can into it --- I'm not saying to spend a fortune. Believe me, it's way better to eat store-bought California grapes in South Carolina versus spending the money on junk. But with spring and summer here, there's plenty of opportunity to eat well -- and help local farmers stay in business so that we don't always have to wonder.... "Gee, what's in this corn?" or "Wonder where the stuff in this dish came from?"

PS: Not that I get on soapboxes that often (y'all stop snickering!), but if you want a very cool read, check out the story on Percy Schmeiser, a Canadian farm who took a stand against large agribusiness over genetically modified seed.

Okay, steppin' off for now.....

Sweet Inspiration

2011-04-16T15:01:00.003-04:00

Lately, I have been completely digging the Derek Trucks Band, especially their 2009 release Already Free ... and the song that is my go-to song has been this one:

It was playing in my CD player as I got out of the car at work this morning, and somehow it was appropriate: inspiration ended up being a personal theme over and over. I had someone thank me for my gift of singing. We had someone who hit a milestone today and she was SO good to hear. There were two new enrollees during my open hours who help me remember my own first days of membership -- and how scary and yet empowered I felt to get this new lease on life.

And then there was Cassandra -- yes, dear, I am calling you out by name! Cassandra is a member of one of the weekday meetings, and she stops by sometimes on Saturdays to pick up some snacks for the week ahead, or to just say hi. We spoke for a while today about the Walk-It Challenge, and I mentioned some of the discussions that helped me formulate last week's post, especially about being your own competition. She brightened a little and said, "That's it, you have inspired me. I'm going home to sign up for this walk!" It was cloud nine for me from there on it -- she inspired me to really have a great day!

Do you know what inspiration really means? To breathe life into ... to infuse with spirit. Spring is awesome inspiration - the world is awakening again from dormancy with beautiful green lushness and eye-popping colors. For those who are from the Judaic or Christian traditions of faith, we have wonderful stories of life-springing-from-death, freedom-from-bondage in the stories of Passover and the Exodus or in the passion, death, and resurrection of Christ. Other faith traditions from around the world have similar stories of awakening, enlivening, inspiration.

So in that vein, how are we doing at casting off the old dead habits, methods, ways, plans that don't work for us anymore? How are we showing others that yes, anything is possible with a little freshening and ingenuity? Are we sowing seeds of hard work, patience, perseverance, and determination that will yield the results we do desire?

Who are our role models? How do they inspire us? How do we enliven and inspire those around us? How are we doing at being not just our own competition, but our own best friend too?

All of this ties into taking care of ourselves. I feel like I'm a broken record, but really it's true: no one can care for us the way we can care for ourselves. This week, take just one small step in better self-care ..... to inspire others to do the same. And maybe in caring for ourselves and inspiring each other, we'll find that we're really caring for each other in the best way possible!

To everyone who inspired, inspires, and will inspire me ---- THANK YOU!

3 Ways Exercise Feeds Your Brain

2011-04-13T13:04:00.000-04:00

3 Ways Exercise Feeds Your Brain

AWESOME article! Please read!

New Feature: Recipe of the Week

2011-04-09T14:50:00.002-04:00

If you haven't figured it out now, I love to cook. Well, perhaps even more to it, I like to experiment.

On the way home from work, I had the idea that I might like to make myself a Chicken Tostada for lunch. So I stopped off to get fat-free refried beans... couldn't find those but I did find relatively low-fat bean dip. Okay, that would work. While I was there, I saw that they had Frank's Red Hot Sauce on sale too. SOLD!

I had no sooner gotten to my car when the little light in my head went -- DING! WAIT! And the idea was born for my Buff Chicken Tacos!

These are gonna be pretty simple, yet pretty tasty too!

Ingredients
2 6-inch (fajita-size) corn tortillas (I used Great Value brand from Wal-Mart)
2 oz diced chicken breast (I used the Tyson prepackaged stuff, but .....)
1 wedge Laughing Cow Light, Blue Cheese variety
Frank's Red-Hot Sauce to taste (I'm guessing I used 2 tsp, roughly)

Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Very lightly spray a baking sheet with cooking spray. (Note: I used a small baking stone that is already seasoned, so I skipped this step).

On each tortilla, spread 1/2 the cheese wedge (best to halve it vertically so that you get roughly the same amount on each tortilla). Set aside. In a small bowl shred chicken even further if desired and coat with hot sauce. Mix well so that the chicken pieces are well-coated, and divide between the two tortillas.

Bake in oven for approximately 5-7 minutes. Remove, fold, eat, roll your eyes back and go "OMG, this is SOOOOOOOO good!" (Okay, that last clause is optional, but I did...)

And it's only 4 PointsPlus (per the Recipe Builder in eTools)

So, I've been thinking....

2011-04-09T14:22:00.003-04:00

(and long-time readers and friends will shrug and go, "What else is new?")

Okay, so I was thinking about some things from both my own regular meeting (as a member) and at other ones where I work or attend just if I need a boost. And one of the things that I occasionally hear is the lack of support that people get when they're trying to make healthy changes for themselves, or even little steps for a healthier family. Spouses or kids who throw up roadblocks, their own self-defeating tape loop in their brain.....

That first one, I don't have much experience with as a "confirmed bachelorette" (which sounds far better than "old maid"). But I definitely have experience with the second one. I have it far less these days, and much improvement over the old self-talk about my body, but it's still there. My favorite self-description is "I'm a doofus" or "I am such a geek about...." (insert favorite weird hobby).

Today, as I was straightening up the center while working, I suppose I was pondering some of the things I'd heard along this vein in the last week or so. And I got mad. I haven't decided if for me anger is so much a bad thing. And it's not anger in the sense of rage or an appetite for destruction (ooh, good CD).... it's more what you might call "righteous indignation." A passion for helping the downtrodden find justice .... yeah, I like that.

And this thought occurred to me as I was stewing about it: "There are two people in this universe who are allowed to define me: my Maker and myself. That's it. No one else."

Ooh rah. Kick (NSFW). Think about that. Soak it in.... I'll wait..... No, read it again. I have all the time in the world.

Are you allowing others to define you?
* The child who's defining your eating habits -- because HE or SHE doesn't want (name the good food) and is pitching a fit for McDonalds, and oh well, you're just powerless over a Big Mac? REALLY?
* The spouse who's upset because they love you just as you are -- which might mean, "I don't want you to change because (list any reason here, I have several in mind)." And gee whiz, love of my life, I don't want to cause you too much grief like that, so I won't grow too much more as a person. Hmmm......
* The coworkers who are sabotaging your efforts: "Oh, it won't kill you to go out with us once a week..... after all, can't you eat this kind of food on the Plan?" (insert evil grin) And Olive Garden or Ruby Tuesday or Wherever.... well, you do love it there, but the coworkers will always order dessert, and golly gee, you love sharing that cheesecake.....

STOP!!!

You have control. You decide. You define yourself.

You've read on here that I'm so reluctant to define myself as an athlete -- because I have this preconceived idea of what an athlete should look like..... but in reality, I am an athlete (snicker. Okay, there I said it.). I compete in races. I work out. My competition isn't the other racers -- their pace is not my concern. My pace is my concern. I compete against myself, my previous times, every single race. Who cares that George Peabody XV finished the Race Of The Day in 12:24 and it took me 52:05? Good for George, but whoop-de-crap. I care that 52:05 is better than my last race time..... in short, I define me. I define my success.

And I refuse to let others -- or myself -- derail me or my success.

And that, Charlie Sheen, is WINNING!

Hidden Treasure

2011-04-08T08:05:00.002-04:00

Last night, our meeting was focused on the 2011 Weight Watchers Walk-It! Challenge …. If you are a member, or friend of a member, or complete stranger and want to take part, WE’D LOVE TO HAVE YOU!!! It’s a way to get started on activity/exercise if you’re not doing any right now – or to have a goal to work toward, if you’ve never done a 5K.

I saw a factoid last week which stated that walking is the one activity that people are least likely to quit or give up on. Well, why not? It’s free! Truly, all you need are two working feet – and as a grandchild of two disabled people, trust me, I don’t take that requirement lightly. It does help if you have a good pair of walking shoes. You don't have to have the highest-priced shoe on the market, just something with the proper support. But really, that’s it. There are lots more bells and whistles you can get, but that’s really all they are (says the girl with the closet full of workout gear – all being used, but that’s not the point).

When I first started incorporating exercise into my daily life, walking was literally all I could do. At 400-plus pounds, it was the only thing that I thought was feasible. The idea of me doing a 5K was a pipe dream. It took everything I had to walk out 2 blocks to a friend’s house and back -- every ounce of energy, breath, and 10 minutes each day. But I worked hard and was able to increase my time and distance as I got healthier and lighter. Fifteen months after joining WW, I did my first 5K (the 2007 Race for the Cure). I did my next at the 2008 Race for the Cure, shaving just over TEN minutes off my time. Six months after that, I did a local 5K to benefit a scholarship fund, and at that point, I had shaved another EIGHT minutes off my time. This past December, I did a 5K and was about 30 seconds short of my personal best.... Oh, was I disappointed. And for the life of me, it's been two years of frustration to break a specific time barrier. But by golly, I am going to hit that mark if I have to (gasp, dare I say it?) run more than just a little part of the way. Oh yeah, that time mark will be mine one day!

There's plenty of information about the physical benefits of activity, and we're starting to see more about the mental benefits. I can truly vouch that I have experienced this first hand, many times. The times when I have needed a relief from stress, a quick walk around the building or the block will clear my head. Somehow, either the problem is gone or resolved by the time I come back, or at least I'm better able to deal with it in a rational frame of mind. Tonight as we spoke on this topic, I mentioned that for me, something about the rhythm of the pounding of my feet against the pavement somehow helps. I know, weird, huh? But then Denise (our leader) noted that we rock our babies or we walk them around the room or we do something rhythmic to calm them.... why wouldn't it work for us as adults?

And she's absolutely right. I've mentioned before about my "running dream" ... it's a visual image I've had for years of myself engaged in running. Even when I was at my heaviest, I would have this mental picture where I was always running. I remember lying there in that half-sleep -- just content to be still and let the dream image unfold -- and the rhythm, the pounding of my feet, the music that always accompanied this imagery was enough to send me right on into the beauty of a full sleep. I felt that same rhythm last night, on an elliptical at nearly running speed, headset in my ears and good inspiring music pouring into my brain, and a rhythm to every exercise I did. I almost believe that the rhythm of life is making its way through us when we honor our bodies by giving it oxygen and lifeforce, and honor it with healthy foods. As we grow closer and closer to wholeness and a more integrated lifestyle, our minds join in as well. Laugh if you will, because yeah, it sounds a little kooky .... but there's a part of me that thinks we're on to something.

So let's do our bodies, minds, brains, hearts, and souls good --- get back to the basics of life!!! Eat right, move more, get better, repeat.

Hey - not half-bad!!!

2011-04-03T21:03:00.002-04:00

I've heard friends rave for years about fish tacos but somehow I never bought into the idea. Shrimp tacos, oh yeah, bring 'em on, I'm all there. And then I saw that some of the ones available at restaurants were fried fish. Well, uh, NO!

But today I had a couple of pieces of leftover baked grouper, and got the bright idea to get some corn tortillas while I was in the grocery store..... and some shredded cabbage for coleslaw later this week. And an idea was born:

I took 2 corn tortillas, put in 1/4 c of the shredded cabbage in each, then divided up the two small pieces of grouper (4-1/2 oz total), and 1 Tbsp of peach-pineapple-chipotle salsa in each. Folded them over and nibbled away.

Oh. My. Goodness. YUMMY!!!! And only 5 PtsPlus for both. The one suggestion I have is to warm the tortillas. I didn't and ... they weren't bad but yeah, they would be better warmed. (And dry-warmed, not steam-warmed in the microwave). Toaster oven or quickie minute or two in a small skillet.

If you've never given it a try -- do!!! Doesn't have to be grouper but a good firm whitefish would be a great place to start: tilapia, mahi (oooh...), etc. I will definitely be doing this again over the summer! As well as shrimp tacos.... and different marinades and spice combinations to try! :)

Can't believe from whence I'm quoting...

2011-03-31T21:21:00.003-04:00

Okay: when I was in 7th and 8th grade and Thriller was the hot LP, I liked Michael Jackson. By the time Bad came out, I was in college, and liking Michael Jackson was not so cool. At the same time, I was pretty involved with my service fraternity, and idealism ran through me like ExLax through a widow woman (don't ask, it's a long story but a damn funny visual). And "Man in the Mirror" was a good song to remind me that as much as I wanted to change the world, the first place to start was with myself. And so here I am .... dare I say it? twenty-three years later (23??? REALLY?) and the song is still applicable.

Tonight in our meeting, we spoke about the buddy system .... and I mentioned that while I don't want a drill-sergeant "enforcer" I do need someone who will be honest enough with me to tell me when I am slacking, when I am hiding behind an excuse, who'll give me the real deal and love me anyway...... and someone who feels safe enough with me to know I'll love them for their honesty. And the first person who needs to do that for me.... is me.

I need to hold that mirror up to myself. I need to admit that there are days when I give myself too much slack, when I find a handy excuse or reason. It's too cold, I don't feel like it, it's Arbor Day in ... uh, Finland, yeah. To quote Roberto Duran: "No más!"

I need to start with the one in the mirror ..... and asking her to change her ways. To really take stock of what is happening and to find ways to make it better instead of just saying, "Well, I do the best I can." Not that the oil in my lamp has run dry --- never! --- but occasionally it needs filtering and refilling.

And the best part is that I know, beyond any doubt, that I have the power within me to do just that. And I have friends to rely on when I need a boost, who love me more than I sometimes love myself.

When life is that good and paths that clear, how can you lose?

True note from today's WW tracker

2011-03-29T21:02:00.002-04:00

"The chocolate was medicinal in purpose and for the good of all society, as it kept me from killing people. Prison orange isn't my color, but dark chocolate is."

Truer words were never spoken. Today was one of those days when everyone and every situation needed my urgent utmost attention .... and I am sorry, there is only one me and only so much to give. Holy schmolies.

I started the new hormone therapy regimen today. I am hoping it works and helps my overall health (as well as assisting in getting things regulated with me!). And I met with the surgeon regarding the cyst -- appointment set and in less than a month, I shall no longer be "EYE-gor!" or Quasimodo.

And thank God for a great workout tonight...... it was AWESOME! I was exhausted when it was over but worn out in the good way. I came home and made Elvis Oatmeal and an egg-beater-n-cheese wrap

..... What is Elvis Oatmeal, you ask?......
1 cup plain instant oatmeal, cooked
2 Tbsp chocolate PB2
half a banana, sliced
1-2 packets of Splenda (optional)

Thankya, thnkya verrra mush.

The wrap is easy: 1/2 c Egg Beaters, 1 Trader Joe's low-carb 6" tortilla, and one wedge of Laughing Cow light. I use a microwave egg cooker (to make a not-Mac-Muffin style egg - rounded shape to fit on an English muffin)..... let the egg cool just enough so that the steam escapes and doesn't make the cheese/tortilla all runny.

Yum. Yum. Yum and very filling.

All in all it was a good day.... thanks to a little square of dark chocolate.

Had to share this one...

2011-03-27T08:07:00.003-04:00

There is a post on this morning's PostSecret that really touched a chord in me:

Notice Me

I had to respond -- so here is the response I sent over to PostSecret:

I used to fear losing the weight I needed to (over 200 lbs) because I thought it would negatively affect my singing performance. Was I ever wrong - my voice and everything about my singing is much improved. But aside from all that, I would say do it for yourself. Seeing myself in the mirror and loving who I am now is a far better gift. And when you love yourself and treat yourself as you deserve, Mr. Right will notice and come your way. Validate yourself, don't rely on someone else.

I really did think that my vocal performance would suffer. I know, crazy isn't it? I somehow thought I would lose something of my strength if I lost my Mama Cass body. (And as an aside for the record, Mama Cass was a gorgeous person, gone too soon, and I weighed LOTS more than her at my peak weight. But I still laugh every time my friend MJ says, "If Mama Cass & Karen Carpenter had shared that ham sandwich, they'd both still be alive.")

And when I did lose the weight, my vocal performance improved dramatically. WAY more breath control, way better ability to hit a note, hold a note, better phrasing, better power, better everything. When I don't work out, my singing suffers. Who'd-a-thunk, right?

The one thing that oddly didn't come into play in losing the weight was "Maybe I'll find Mr. Right." At 28, I went through a breakup with the guy I thought for sure was THE ONE. Turns out I was wrong in many ways. He wasn't THE ONE, I didn't fall apart, and I've learned that I couldn't possibly love him the way he deserved to be loved -- nor could he love me in the way I deserved to be loved -- because I didn't love myself.

I know, it sounds cornier than 40 acres in Iowa, but it's the truth. I didn't love me. I loved many parts of me and I didn't suffer from poor self-esteem. It wasn't the greatest, but I surely wasn't bottom of the barrel. In all my fat years, I had some resilience in me that kept me from sinking too far down, and there was a feistiness in me that would wake me up whenever someone crossed a line. I would get hurt, but I'd be danged if I'd let you utterly destroy me.

Yes, fat is a social insulator. And food is a great blanket in which you can wrap the pain. And it can happen to us whether we weight 128, 234, 408, 194.... emotional pain doesn't care about a number.

But love yourself enough to put yourself first. When you treat yourself the way you deserve, others will notice. Others will want to support you -- some may want to tear you apart because they realize they're lacking and figure they'll bring you back down to their level (or lower). Clear your life of the toxic relationships, whether with food, people, your own demons.

Get healthy. Go for wholeness. Be in love with yourself. Be the person whom you were created to be: a reflection of the divine.

A total paradigm shift

2011-03-25T16:49:00.002-04:00

Last night, I had a training session for Weight Watchers, and on the drive home, I was thinking about some of what we had gone over.

A few weeks ago, I did a post on the biggest change in me since losing the weight, and getting healthier. But last night I realized that even this wasn't as accurate an answer as it could have been. But I found a phrase that describes it perfectly:

I have gone from 'ignorance is bliss' to 'knowledge is power'...

This, my friends, is what has transpired in my life. With my health, my happiness, the old phrase of "what I don't know won't hurt me" no longer works. It's "let me find out and go from there."

Once again, I am digging for answers -- not for saying "Oh I can't because of...." but to say, "Okay, so there's (this) and so here's what I have to do to compensate." I have learned of some interesting medical background in my family, and wondered if it plays into some of what I've experienced over the last few years. One of the options I asked him to look into, my doctor more or less ruled out .... so GOOD! Now I know. And he's given me some options to try for the time being to help me get myself back on track. HOORAY!

And best of all, he listened when I told him about the cyst on my shoulder. He has set up an appointment for me with a surgeon.... turns out it's the same guy who did my gallbladder removal in 2003. I cannot WAIT to see him on Monday. One of the nicest docs ever, and I was 200+ pounds heavier back then too. This is gonna be good!

Advocating for selfishness

2011-03-19T22:22:00.004-04:00

(of sorts)

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I've been working our Saturday morning meetings for over a year now. In that year, we changed locations, merged with another meeting or two, and even changed leaders twice. And in reflecting on our changes, one very sad fact leapt out at me: I can only think of 3-4 people from that original meeting who are still attending our Saturday meetings -- and even then, it's sporadic. I really, really hope that they are simply attending another meeting date or time -- and that they haven't given up on themselves.

I admit: I get a little sad, a little angry, a little bewildered .... I can understand when money or time or another circumstance really is a factor. I have no problem with that. And I know how a seemingly temporary or short-term situation can so easily get us off track. The problem lies in when it becomes a handy excuse for not getting back on track. For example, I know someone who is still using an incident from 2001 as a "reason" why he or she cannot do (name it, just name it). I want to look them dead in the eye and say, "Really? Has this occurred at any time since then? No? Then what's your excuse now?"

I have my own excuses too -- gym bag in the car and ready to go but it's hard for me to make time for exercise. I'm tired. I don't want to work out too late at night. I'll get up early (how often has that worked for me lately?). I have a million of them. And it's that part I don't like about myself that sometimes cause me to take a harder edge. I have to be tough with myself because I know otherwise, I will give myself too much slack. The slippery slope becomes a slip-n-slide.

It truly breaks my heart to think that people give up so easily on the one person they shouldn't: themselves. Why do we not love ourselves? I know in my own cultural niche, there's the whole "put others before yourself" way of life. We have it beat into us that we're horrible persons and not "Real Christians" (TM) if we don't put ourselves dead last. That selfishness is a mortal sin.

Sorry, doesn't work that way. I can't begin to take care of you and your needs if I am unwilling to do it for my own needs as well. If I'm not healthy, how can I possibly model it for you?

So forgive me if I display a few selfish tendencies: taking time to care for myself properly; to attend my meetings, to exercise, to shop for healthy food. To be a little pampered on occasion, even if it's just a $10 manicure. To be able to say "no" to a request when I really don't have enough resources (especially time). To know that to care for myself is as high a calling as caring for others.

And if you were part of a meeting and have fallen away because of some months-old reason that doesn't work anymore, how about coming back? We'd love to see you again!

This time, I know it's for real....

2011-03-16T08:46:00.002-04:00

(....is not just a Donna Summer song)

I just signed up for the Little River Bridge Run/Walk in less than 2 weeks (the 5K portion). Luckily it's an evening race.... gasp, don't get many of those, so this time I don't even have to find a sub for work.

I guess it's official: I'm one of those crazy competitive ... um, athlete? types.

It's a tag that I don't often -- or lightly -- toss around: ATHLETE. I was a klutzy kid, always falling head over feet and elbows over rear ends. If you had a betting pool on who'd suffer the first "game injury" I'd be an almost-sure-thing. Even now, I cannot wrap my brain around "me" and "athlete" in the same room, let alone the same sentence, or the same space.

I laughed at the doctor's office when the nurse told me my pulse rate was low enough that they called it "athlete's rate."

Maybe I shouldn't have laughed after all.

So give me a sec while I do a happy dance and a YAY ME...... it's a rare indulgence.

In the words of "Fletcher Reade"...

2011-03-14T21:09:00.002-04:00

Old man in restroom: "What are you doing?"
Fletcher Reade (Jim Carrey): "Do you mind? I'm kicking my own @$$!!!"

(from the beating-himself-up-in-the-bathroom scene in Liar Liar)

For the first time in forever, I have managed to actually get more than one workout in within a 7-day span! I'm aiming for a 3rd if I can get it! :D And let me tell you, this new workout is kicking my butt six ways to Sunday and I'm loving it. Good Lord, I am exhausted during it and shortly after it's over, but it's a great workout!

And it tied in so well with David Kirchhoff's Man Meets Scale blog post today.... it's about competition and how that sometimes is a motivating factor in our workouts or weight loss. For me, it is. Don't know why, but as much as I appreciate teamwork, for workouts I have to go it alone. I need the solitude and yet I need people around me when I work out -- not as "buddies" but as benchmarks.

Saturday, I was pretty much the only person in the gym until I hit the core work. And then it was one person who not only works out but is pretty serious about it. Tonight, everyone and his/her brother was in there. Amazingly enough, I had no trouble getting the machines and equipment I needed, even with several of "the boys" (see earlier post) there .... With that many people there, I kind of wonder if they realized "oops, gotta play nice with others tonight"......

Anyway, I like this workout and I'm actually looking forward to sticking with it -- at least until about another 8-10 weeks when Killer Dave says, "Hey you, how's it going? Ready to change up?"

Eating Right With Color

2011-03-01T20:51:00.002-05:00

As part of National Nutrition Month, one of the items that is suggested is to eat a variety of foods from a wide variety of colors. That's the nice thing about healthy eating -- you can have a very artistic plate!

I was thinking about my own day today and wondering just how well I did myself.....

Breakfast: brown, yellow, blue, white (multigrain cereal, banana, blueberries, milk... and coffee!)
Snack: purple (grapes)
Lunch: brown, red, green, orange, white-ish, pink (a turkey stew with black beans and tomatoes, a huge salad with orange pepper strips and mushrooms, and a whole grapefruit)
Snack: white (popcorn)
Dinner: brown, yellow, red, green (a lovely homemade cream of mushroom soup, half of a veggie frittata with red peppers, broccoli, tomato, mushroom and cheese, and an apple)
Pre-bed snack: orange, blue (vanilla-mango-blueberry smoothie).

Yeah, I pretty well hit the rainbow on that one! And the amazing thing is that it didn't take all that much effort to put it together.... or really, all that much money either. If you take a much longer-term picture, healthier eating is less expensive.

Which kind of ties into the post I was working on earlier today anyway...... but more on that in a second.

Choosing healthier foods may be a little more costly when it comes to the checkout line. But look over the course of a lifetime. Eating healthier may be the difference between the rare doctor's visit outside of a checkup, and Medicare paying for your angioplasty or open heart surgery.

And really, don't get me started on the 5-A-Day thing. Five-A-Day is child's play, when you consider that a serving of most fruits and vegetables is HALF A CUP. For leafy greens, it's ONE cup. Folks, that's basically a handful of lettuce. Really? You can't work that in somehow? Because my salad today was at least four cups and it was pretty dang good and filling -- for very little money and lots of flavor. Seriously, try 7-A-Day to start. You'd be surprised how easy it can be to achieve!

***

Now.... earlier today, I was thinking about a story that a friend was relaying. She knows someone who was diagnosed with a treatable condition last year. This particular condition in this particular individual was serious enough to require some surgical correction (no real cure) and follow-up treatment. This person's doctor had apparently recommended to friend-of-friend that losing weight would be of tremendous importance in lessening the effects of this disease, in making his or her treatment much more effective, etc. And my friend said, "So here (person) is, a year later after the surgery, and as heavy as then.... if not more. Apparently, the surgery worked fine, so now he or she doesn't have to..."

I thought about this story, and honestly I am torn. Part of me feels for this person. I don't know that much about this condition, except that what little I have read suggests that this doctor was spot-on about the weight loss helping. And I surely can see where it could be of big importance.

There's a part of me who wants to find this person that I don't know from Adam, and give them the Cher-from-Moonstruck treatment: you know, WHAP! "Snap out of it!" That's the side of me which wants to say, "Just because the surgery was successful in making your worst symptoms go away doesn't relieve you of your responsibility to your own body."

Sadly, this isn't an isolated case....... Just look at this season's Biggest Loser: how many of the contestants had gastric or other WLS in the past.... and are STILL struggling with weight (and now a reduced stomach capacity)? All too often, we want the quick fix: surgery, some pill or tonic, some external force that will tell us it's okay, it's not our fault, we can't be to blame. Here, take this, poor baby, pat pat pat.

Because I wanted it too. I wanted that magic pill more than anything. I wanted the doctors to find something at fault -- other than me. But the cold hard reality is that I got myself where I was.... no one else. Nothing else. Just me. I got myself into it, and by God it was up to me to get myself out. Cold harsh truth. But so good for me.

So I buckled down and did it.

And you can too. You can make the choice in every single moment to be your own best friend or your biggest saboteur. You can do right or do wrong by yourself. It is in those moments where you are faced with only yourself... and the real you comes forth.

Do right by yourself today, every day, every moment.

Learn all about National Nutrition Month

2011-03-01T14:09:00.001-05:00

In the meantime, while I'm formulating my next post, you can learn more about healthy, nutritious, delicious eating ideas, activities, etc. at this website.....

National Nutrition Month

More to come....

2011-02-28T06:56:00.002-05:00

There is a post coming, I promise. I have been busy this weekend, but not the harried-and-hurried usual kind of busy for me.

So hang tight!

And now for my next impression, Jesse Owens!

2011-02-19T18:37:00.004-05:00

If you don't know who Margaret O'Brien is, she was a child actress of the early 1940s. She appears as "Tootie Smith" in one of my favorite movies, Meet Me In St. Louis. It's a very charming film taking a nostalgic look at a family in 1903, living in St. Louis as preparations swirl around them for the 1904 World's Fair. One of the scenes from the "Fall" vignette features young Margaret telling her older sister (Judy Garland) that their neighbor -- the boy next door for whom she carries a serious torch -- tried to kill her. It's the weak, sad little voice, "It was John Truett. He tried to KILL me." (Later on, she reveals that it was all part of a scheme that she concocted to try to get a trolley car to derail... he actually pulled her to safety. Long story - watch the movie).

About 3:00 this afternoon, I was doing a MEAN impression of young Margaret O'Brien.... only it would have been, "It was Dave. Dave my trainer. He tried to kill me!" Only teasing!!

But I had mentioned to Dave that I need something new.... and BOY, did he oblige! It's interval training like nothing I have ever done before, and yet I get this great workout in, in about 30-35 minutes. I like this one -- enough that I think I'll be able to really work it into my schedule well, and get a good workout too.

I am also going to check out some gyms near the office... at least until my schedule straightens out a little more. Funny .... everything I'd had in my nice little boxes on the calendar at Christmas has pretty much gone
BOOM!
and now I have to adjust.

Yep.... this workout's gonna do me a LOT of good!

(Oh, and bonus points if you know which movie the post title comes from!)

Hey Kevin Cronin, I'm stealing your lyric....

2011-02-12T16:04:00.006-05:00

This is yet another week when exercise simply hasn't happened. It's all on me, and I admit it. I could have stopped by the gym on Wednesday night -- in fact, had the bag in the car -- but I was just too tired, and I mean truly tired. As in, head was bobbing at my desk, and all I wanted to do was get home and rest.

I do not rest enough. I know this. I don't know how to fit it into my day, short of taking sleeping pills to knock myself out at 9:30 and trying to rewire my body to actually fall asleep before 11:00 (good luck breaking a lifetime of being an late-evening owl). Getting up later than 5:00 AM isn't an option for getting to work on time; and I'll be danged if I get up any earlier than 5:00 to fit in a workout. Like I said, I don't sleep enough as it is.

So with that in mind, I am 90% there at letting my current gym membership go, and finding a gym or workout closer to work. I figure at the least, I can try to get it in on my lunch hour (if it's close enough) or immediately after work. Yep, indeed, it may just be time for me to fly....

I hate it because I really do like that my current gym is 24-7, that I'm left to my own devices, and that it's a 2 minute drive from the house. Yet since the summer, I have not felt nearly as welcome as I had in the past.... mostly because the evening hours, when I can work out, seem to have become the domain of the power lifters or guys who are training for some sort of MMA event or lifting competition. I like using the free weights, but I have felt the vibe from at least a couple of people of "wish the chick would hurry up and leave so we can do our thing." Guess what fellas? You're about to get your wish.

Luckily, I have some hand weights at home, and I know where Academy is if I need to get a higher weight. So I can at least continue with some resistance training. And with the workout facility I have in mind (a chain: one near work and one on the drive home between work & home), I can get in some good total-body training. My cardio has suffered because I've let it do so.

Like I said, I'm about 90% there. I haven't made the full decision just yet, because I'm trying to work out a time to meet with my personal trainer. Once I do that......

In LOLspeak, I do haz a sad. :(

Confession and a cause

2011-02-04T08:43:00.003-05:00

First, the confession: This past Wednesday was the first day I'd hit the gym in nearly 3 weeks. I have had some serious changes to my schedule over the last couple of weeks, and now I am trying to decide my options. I am meeting with my trainer anyway next week to change my weights routine, and I am going to talk to him about some other changes.

I need to work on my cardio, and I've let it go at the expense of the resistance training. As much as I really do enjoy the elliptical, if I do only that for cardio, I am going to be bored and disappointed. So I am considering Tae Kwon Do or one of those new kickbox/cardio studios that have opened up around here. My other idea is to find a Zumba class -- I have the DVD and I'd like to get in on a class just to see if it's more fun that way. I'm not usually the class type.... There are some exercisers who have to have the social interaction; to me, it's a distraction. I'm not there to make friends and influence people .... I'm there to change my body, get rid of stress, keep my weight down and tone my body up. I figure one class or two wouldn't hurt .... just to see.

I'll keep you posted on how it's going....

****

Now, for the cause:

Today (Friday) is National Wear Red for Heart Day. As some of you know, this cause took on new and greater importance in my life this past year. And so I am asking for your support as I take part in the American Heart Association's Start! Upstate Heart Walk on April 2.

Both sets of grandparents died of complications from cardiovascular disease. Mom's parents both died of massive heart attacks, Dad's from strokes. One of Dad's siblings has already had a mild stroke, and another just lost her husband to one. My mom's family reunions would be a cardiac researcher's fantasy come true. It's like a medical convention: "Well, my triglycerides on my last appointment were about 165, so they've put me on (newest wonder drug), and my blood pressure was elevated so they added (another wonder drug)." And then the next relative shares his or her tale.....

My mother has been hypertensive since I can remember. I think she was in her late 30s when she started in on Dyazide, then Cardizem, and then.... oh good Lord, who knows which of her many meds these days is the HBP drug? My brother -- diagnosed as hypertensive in his early 30s. He's not quite as diligent as my mom about his meds, because he's too proud to go to the doctor and say, "Listen, I have no health insurance and I sure as hell can't afford the medicine. Can we talk generic or does the pharmaceutical firm have an assistance program?" I am actually quite surprised that I'm not hypertensive. Because I'm surely stressed as hell.... and I know that this has got to stop somehow. But otherwise, my heart is in good condition.

Given all that, Mom's mild "silent" heart attack last year should not have been a surprise. But it was. I'm not sure what's more surprising: the fact that we didn't even consider heart trouble in all this, or that her doctor missed it (and then didn't seem very proactive about it). I'm so glad that I forced her hand to get a second opinion back when we knew that it was fluid around the heart. To be honest, I'm not sure Mom would still be with us.

Here are some alarming facts I've learned just this week about cardiovascular disease:

90% of women have one or more risk factors for developing heart disease.
More than 82 million Americans have one or more types of cardiovascular disease -- that's one in three people.
On average, 2200 Americans die of cardiovascular disease each day; that's an average of one death every 39 seconds.
Heart disease is the leading cause of death among women 20 and older, killing one woman every minute.
More women die of heart disease than the next four causes of death combined, including all forms of cancer.

You don't even want to read about congenital heart defects in children -- there's more information out there than I can even begin to condense to post here (but I do encourage you to visit the AHA Website and learn more).

And I ask for your help -- if you're local and would like to walk with me, then click here and choose "Join My Team." Or if you can't walk but would like to help with a donation of any amount, you may donate via this link.

Thanks for your time, and for the PSA. It's not my normal MO, but it is very important!

Upon further review....

2011-01-28T06:48:00.000-05:00

About halfway through my weight loss journey, I began to be asked a question, which I am still occasionally asked..... the basic gist of it is:

"So how have you changed?"

And for years, my stock response has been that I haven't really changed; that the essential me is the same, only improved; that I'm simply better than I was before.

I've come to discover in the last few weeks that this is not really true. The essential me has changed. The core me is different. All in a good way, of course, but there is a huge paradigm shift in me.

How? Here's an example: ten years ago, if you had asked me to go on a ski weekend, I could not have immediately said yes. Or if I had, I would have been all, "GREAT! I will be happy to be the hostess back at the lodge while y'all are out on the slopes!" Because let's face it, they don't make ski clothes in certain sizes. Would I need heavy-duty skis to support my weight? And if I could do it, would I be needing to yell "GANG WAY!" as I barreled my way downhill? Oh dear, so much to consider, I don't think I can do it.

Just before New Year's, I picked up a little mag called Blue Ridge Outdoors. It was the ski issue, and within 5 minutes of reading, I was mentally mapping out a ski trip this coming December. I picked up the newest issue and there, I read about one of the resorts which also has a cool zipline in the summer. Methinks I will have to take a weekend, drive up and check out this place.... you know, test the zipline and then get information on the skiing.

Ten years ago, I wouldn't have even entertained the idea of skiing, snowtubing, or ziplining..... or anything else along those lines. I hated the outdoors. I hated physical activity because I hated to sweat. I hated the thought of doing much of anything that didn't require me to be inside or to be a homebody.

These days, I can't sit still for very long unless I'm just absolutely physically drained or ill. I prefer to stand, quite honestly. My job requires me to be at my desk most of the time, so in order to keep some semblance of sanity, I fidget. I saw a TV news piece recently about a woman who has a desk that her PC fits on that straddles her treadmill. Yes, she walks at a slow speed all day long while she works. Change "treadmill" to "recumbent bike" and I am totally there; regular-seat bikes and my rear end have never seen eye-to-eye, whether I was heavy or lighter.

Ten years ago, I preferred meals out to cooking myself. Oh, not that I didn't enjoy reading cookbooks or watching cooking shows or making the same old favorites over and over again. And even then, I was a sucker for any kitchen gadget, tool, utensil, cookware, etc. Imagine how it is these days. I love my kitchen; more precisely, I'd love it to be a commercial kitchen, but...... Weekends are my time for cooking: large batches of food to take with me for lunches, Sunday dinner for the family, trying a new recipe because I don't have time otherwise. I love the idea of taking all these ingredients and making something good from them. I also pay more attention to how my food is made. It makes me think more about where my food comes from and what it does to my body. Does it make me choose organic or natural foods? Not always. Too often, it's a buzzword label designed to make me think it may be better for me...... As I'm fond of saying, "Hemlock was all natural too but look where it got Socrates." And really: an organic, all-natural cookie is still junk food, is it not?

But that's my point ---- I'm more mindful. I'm educating myself, and advocating for others. There is a fundamental difference in me. And vive le diference!

A little mid-week inspiration

2011-01-19T13:22:00.003-05:00

Some days, we all need a little inspiration. If you need it, please use and succeed!!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

***

It's been 25 years or so since I first read and heard these words below, and I have never forgotten them. I have shared them with friends who have needed them, and written it out to myself (again) when it was my turn. They are powerful ..... and could change your whole perspective on many things:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." -- Theodore Roosevelt, "The Man in the Arena," from a speech at the Sorbonne, 23 April 1910

***

Go forth and conquer. Move ever forward.

And exhale............

2011-01-15T17:16:00.003-05:00

Winter definitely showed up this week! On Sunday, after I left a special Weight Watchers event, the sky was graying and it turned way colder. I fell asleep on Sunday night and woke up to 5 inches of snow on the ground. Okay, for South Carolina, that's HUGE. We got somewhere around 7-8" of the white stuff before it all wrapped up during the night on Monday.

On Monday, my office was closed and I worked from home. No one else was able to go into work either... but they made it over to Domino's. And so I took a few of my weekly PointsPlus allowance and ate pizza with it. Hoo boy, it was delicious but a treat that I will enjoy occasionally. I got a little poofy (heh heh heh), but drank plenty of water the next couple of days to make up for it. I didn't get in any exercise like I had wanted -- even my plan to use DVD's was an epic "fail" because the DVD player doesn't work with the HDTV (at least until the correct cable can be obtained and hooked up). Jumping criminy on a pogo stick......

So with all that, I weighed in on Thursday and SURPRISE! down a pound from the previous Saturday. YAHOO!!!

And resume normal breathing.

This week: EXERCISE MORE. Period. Get back on plan, get in the game, and get movin-n-groovin' again. Eat more healthily. Prepare my food this weekend for the week.

And breathe!

Cannot ask for more!!

2011-01-09T18:21:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was one of the last days before my deadline for turning in my monthly weigh-in. Let me tell you, all this week, I was sweating it. Not only was I trying to get rid of the Christmas Creep and the New Year Nibbles, I had attended a "child shower" for a friend who is a newly adoptive mom to a toddler -- and let me tell you, we had a spread! I was awfully afraid it might just spread on to my backside. But I got back on the exercise track this week, drank more water, made sure I did everything within my control to stay on plan .... and it worked! I was within range!!

This week I have really had the opportunity to examine just what it is about PointsPlus that I am enjoying so much. And honestly, I think it's the freedom and flexibility I feel that I didn't necessarily feel in previous programs. I wasn't one to regularly dip into my Weekly Points Allowance -- or at least not without feeling guilty about it. And now, I don't worry about it as much. I also like the power foods -- I like knowing that they're not just looking at calories, but at fiber, protein, saturated fat, sodium levels .... and aren't afraid to say, "This food is good, but not quite up to being a Power Food." So I have decided that I'm going to revisit my old friends the Power Foods, to live mostly in those, and know that I am doing the best I can for my body!

But this statement -- uttered from one of our members who hit her Lifetime goal this week -- made me realize that sometimes, it's more than just about food or exercise. When asked what she had gained from the whole experience, she said, "I took back control of my life."

G.A.S.P.!!! Let me bold-face that one for you: "I took back control of my life."

What a concept: being in control of your life, of the decisions you make, of owning them, of no more second guessing, of saying no, of saying yes, of not handing your life over to another person or a cupcake. Of having the power and using it wisely. Of deciding to add years to your life by making good choices most of the time.

Does that not ROCK?

That tells me that she is a member who gets it. The light clicked on for her, and there is no going back into the dark.

"It's a New Day" and a new way to live: and yes, it really does work.

Reflecting and recharging

2010-12-30T20:32:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow night, we shall again sing "Auld Lang Syne" and bid a big ol' sayonara to 2010! I think we ought to sing a different tune: "You say you wanna revolution, well, you know...."

Last year, I wrote that I had decided I would not do resolutions, but do revolutions instead: "Revolution: a turning around. What are you doing to turn your health ... your lifestyle ... your family's health ... around? How are you moving from the negative into the positive? Join the revolution." In 2010, we had revolutions along with revelations. And I'm glad that I was part of a move toward being even healthier.

I learned to be proactive and take charge for health -- both mine and for others. The words that kept coming up for me, over and over, were "educate and advocate" ..... in ways I never imagined, I find that I am doing exactly that.
I took great joy in learning more about preparing food, and finding just how much better my own food could be. And sometimes, the simpler the better.
I learned about strength training and worked on it all through the late spring into now. The one regret is that I didn't do enough steady-state cardio on the off-days. I fully intend to remedy that in the coming year.

As I said, the phrase "educate and advocate" were my buzzwords, and it happened in ways I never expected. I expect to educate people about healthy choices, both in my work in HR and in my work for Weight Watchers. But I never expected it to hit home as it did this summer with my mother's health. And the message was, "Never settle for less than the right answer." Keep digging. Had I stopped, we might never have known that my mother had a silent heart attack. We may have pushed her to do more than she was physically capable, and I'd be sitting here typing out a eulogy instead of a story of moving toward wholeness.

I've also become involved with a support group for those of us who live with lymphedema. We are working to educate and advocate.... we all seem to share the story of healthcare providers, and most especially insurance companies, who have no clue about lymphedema and do not understand all that the condition entails. And sadly, some neither know the facts, nor want to know more.

So the journey continues..... viva la revolución!

OOPS!!! Some random thoughts to end 2010....

2010-12-29T15:29:00.003-05:00

In the holiday madness, I just realized it's been a while since my last post. So how did the holidays go? I will be so glad to have the Season of Carbs behind me, I won't know what to do!! I love this time of year, but I'm tired of the endless parade of carbs (especially sweets!).

Oh, don't get me wrong.... I love the taste but holy cow, it's gotta end. I am on a mission to get back to the basics: good lean protein, more fruits and veggies. Real foods.

And I have to get my rear back in gear with exercise. With this event and that event, and this thing to do and that, it's been pretty hard to stick to a routine the last few days. I did manage, of all things, to hit the gym on Christmas Eve .... but that was my last visit. OOPS. And I have a couple more events just after the New Year. As much as I enjoy my strength training, I have neglected my cardio workouts. That needs to change as soon as possible -- but how to work it all in?

Much to ponder as 2011 comes around!

Blast from the distant past

2010-12-18T19:42:00.006-05:00

Today, my dad found some old photos from a family Christmas dinner, circa 1993. There are a couple I want to share.......

First, this is a picture of myself and my cousin; I'm on the right, as if you couldn't guess. I apparently must have been trying to do an impression of the Michelin Man ... or auditioning for the next Ms. Stay-Puft (because "puft" I was!)

And next up is a small shot from a picture where I was enjoying dessert; I couldn't tell you if it was a first trip, a return trip, or a "hey let me eat something for the road" plate..... Now I ask you: what in heck was I doing with TWO monster slices of red velvet cake? You know, I can't even tell you whether or not it was worth it. I mean, red velvet is pretty much the same, no matter who makes it.

You would think I'd want to distance myself from those days as much as possible: shred every picture, never to be seen again. But actually, I want to remember. I want to recall what it was like to have no energy to do much besides just sit around and eat cake. I want to remember that sinking feeling of having to buy my clothes in a specialty shop -- not just plus-sizes at regular department stores, but the stores that sell the extended sizes.... and afraid that I might have to start making mine instead. I want to hold on to that feeling......

Because I never want to be there again.

Are you kidding me? I'm in sizes I haven't worn in almost 30 years. I was in junior high the last time I wore regular sizes (another sad fact, but true). I don't want to load up my plate and stuff myself to the point where my clothes are pinching and binding. I don't want to be a slug, but to actually have fun moving and living my life with joy and energy.

People complain about the cost of weight-loss programs, or of fresher, better foods in the grocery store...... but the investment that I have made in myself and in my health is worth every penny. You cannot buy this feeling with any amount of silver or gold. Are you willing to invest in yourself? Are you willing to say, "I love myself where I am, but I know I can be even better" ..... to realize that you are worth every triumph and struggle.

One of my favorite authors, Jill Conner Browne, has a great philosophy: "If you don't like your life, change it." When I walked into Weight Watchers that day, I liked myself, and I liked most of my life, but I realized I needed to continue the changes I'd already made in my life. I had no idea what lay ahead. Here I am, nearly 5 years later, and I cannot believe how much better things are, how much I had really missed out on, how good life can be here and now.

Is today your day?

Loving this.....

2010-12-14T17:00:00.003-05:00

Need a good boost right about now? I did too – and I got a great one yesterday afternoon. It was a cold, blustery day here in the South. It was starting to get dark already on my way out the door from work. I had already decided that morning that while I was going to work out, I would do so within the comfy and warm confines of my home and not at the gym. I think that with the weather, my homing instinct kicked in and I couldn’t think of any place I would rather be. Yeah, odd for me…..

There I was, on my way out the door when I stopped to thank our marketing director for all she had done to make our office party a hit. She said, “Oh, I’m glad – you looked like you were having a great time. You had tons of energy!” What a fantastic thought!!!

That was a feeling I couldn’t buy five years ago: not only the glow of the compliment, but the reason itself. Yes, I did have a lot of unexpected energy for 9:00 PM and a pretty busy day. This Saturday was even busier for me than normal. I had work (7:45 until 12:30), and then busted tail to get to an afternoon 5K – the Jingle Bell Jog! This was a 5k sponsored by a neighborhood “Fun Run” group… just a group of concerned parents who wanted to set good examples for the kids in their subdivision. My physical therapist’s husband (also a PT) is one of the group founders and sponsors of the race. So I paid my fee, made my way over, and had a marvelous afternoon! And miracle of miracles, I was only 28 seconds slower than my personal best (I was thinking it was just 20 seconds, but oh well…). From there, it was home to change for the party, back to downtown G-vegas, and then, party on, Garth.....!!!

Five years ago, at the first Christmas party I went to as an employee, I wore a stretchy black dress, in that wonderful drape-crepe material that forgives everything, with a black wrap, and still looked like Battleship Nettie...... I had enough energy to dance to portions of two songs, but that was it. Tired, drained, and feet were killing me. This year, I worked all morning, walked 3 miles (just on the course) and STILL had the energy to get out and dance, and have energy left over when I got home.

I remember what it was like to wake up draggy, go sloggily throughout my day, have enough energy to do a few things at night and drag myself to bed at night..... I do not EVER want to go there again. It is not a fun place to live. These days, I wake early and still go to bed late (that part never changed). But it's how I pack my days in between that make the difference. It really is a feeling like no other.

If I could bottle how good it feels to have that type of energy. While sometimes I do feel tired and want to take it easy, I find that when I get home, I really can't sit still. I seem to be in perpetual motion..... and that's not altogether a bad thing!

Energy: if I could bottle that feeling........ I'd give it away!

With apologies to Joey Tribbiani.....

2010-12-09T20:52:00.002-05:00

"So ... how YOU doin'?"

It's been 10 days with all the tools at my disposal and I am PROUD to say I'm down 2 pounds from where I was last Thursday! YAHOO!!!!! I am up a bit still from a couple of mornings ago, but it's a goal to work toward.

So if you've joined (or rejoined) us this week with PointsPlus, how is it going for you? It's definitely an adjustment, but the changes are wonderful! If you're brand-new to Weight Watchers, WOW, what an introduction, huh? One of my fellow members tonight had just joined last week, and she kicked butt: down nearly 8 pounds!!! WOW!!!!!!

If you're having trouble making the transition, keep working PointsPlus. It may take you a little while longer to adjust but your body is going to say, "Oh wow! Look at all the good stuff you're feeding me!" And you may even find that the things you ate on Points (because of a low value) aren't really worth it on PointsPlus -- or that you have to work them in a little more, but it's worth it.

I had told a few fellow members that the thing I have appreciated most is a greater sense of freedom and flexibility. I'm fretting less over "how am I going to fit this in?" and instead thinking, "Wow! I get to find a way to make this work!" For example, last night, things didn't quite go as planned for me and I ended up eating grocery-deli sushi (and hey, it was brown rice sushi at that, and really good too). Got to choir practice and GASP! we had a reception downstairs. With cake -- a very cool 3-D cake of the building. So you know what I did? I had a slice. Woe is me, right? Nope. Not in the least. Had I used some of the Weekly Allowance? Yes, and I was about to use some more..... :) That was something I was very loath to do on Turnaround or Momentum (a/k/a the Points Plan). With PointsPlus, I don't even sweat it. I also earned activity points this week and so I had that to fall on as well if I absolutely needed to do so.

PointsPlus works. I promise. Hang in there and LOVE it - LIVE it.

Are you excited?!?!

2010-12-02T20:35:00.002-05:00

If you haven't been to this week's meeting then make sure you get to one this week .... because PointsPlus is here!!!! PointsPlus is the newest program offered by Weight Watchers, combining the best information in nutritional science with the well-known successful Weight Watchers approach!

Most of my readers know (or at least have figured out) that not only am I a Lifetime WW Member, I am also a Weight Watchers employee. I have been using this new plan for about 8 weeks now, and it has definitely helped me maintain my weight loss -- which is what I wanted anyway..... Now, I am ready to ramp it up even more to lose about five more pounds. I truly believe that PointsPlus will help me do just that. One of the things I appreciate most about PointsPlus is the sense of extra flexibility -- not that the previous plans didn't have that built in, but I really feel it with this one.

I don't want to give away too many spoilers, especially for readers who will be hitting their launch meetings on Friday or Saturday....... but keep in mind that change is sometimes just what we need to get us going in the right direction. So I hope that you will eagerly embrace the change, and enjoy what PointsPlus will do!

EVER FORWARD!!

Wow -- busy week!

2010-11-27T15:53:00.002-05:00

What a week! It's always busy around this time of the year, and it's just going to be even busier until after the BCS bowl season ends. And with it comes all the holiday parties, all the gathering of friends and family, all the temptations that come your way.

So what do we do?

Do we throw up our hands and say, "Well, I'm done. Over. Can't do it. Might as well wait until January...."? Do we dig in our heels and make ourselves miserable -- passing up events so we can stay on course? Or do we seek to find balance?

Balance is so important this time of year. We cannot deny, hide, or escape the seasonal treats and events. To do so puts our relationship with food over our relationship with people, and that's never good. And to throw up our hands and elbow up to the trough -- well, that's not healthy either. There is a way to strike a balance.

There was a leader who substituted for my usual leader right around Thanksgiving of my first year on program. She joked about it, but her little trick stuck with me: she took a 1/4 cup measuring cup with her to events, family reunions, etc. And she measured out just 1/4 cup of each item that she wanted to try. Aunt Linda's macaroni? 1/4 cup. Uncle Fred's chicken taco bake? 1/4 cup. After a while, you really do have a good bit of food, and you taste only the things you really want. You also learn to pick and choose what's really important to taste. I modified it myself to a 1-tablespoon measure and a 1/4-cup measure. If it's something I just want to taste, or something where I really do want just a nibble to do me, then 1-2 Tbsp is more than enough.

Now, it seems silly and crazy -- but it works. You get to enjoy your food WHILE staying on plan. And you get to spend time with the people around you rather than shoveling food in and barely tasting it. You get to mingle with a satisfied stomach. You get to learn that a little dab will do ya.... so to speak.

Another tip: exercise a little every day. Even 10 or 15 minutes makes a difference -- aim for 30 if you can. Do more than you usually do. If you aren't on an assignment where you're tied to the desk, do your work standing. Park further out at the mall (not so difficult right now). One of my leaders gave this suggestion: crazy, but it works! If you're shopping at the mall .... every 3rd store, take all your purchases out to your car and come back. On the weekend -- oh my gosh, can you imagine how many extra pedometer steps you could get in?!

Another tip: survey the buffet first. See what you really want to eat, and what you can pass on. If for a company function, ask the planners ahead of time what's being served. Alternate alcoholic drinks with water -- or opt for wine spritzers instead of a glass of wine, or Jack & Diet Coke instead of regular Coke. Find the one dessert you'd like to try and enjoy one piece (or as much of that one piece as you want).

Another tip: examine your goal for the season. It may be that your plan is simply to maintain your weight, or gain only 2 pounds instead of 10. Work your goal. Enjoy the season and the love and friendship behind every gathering.

Desperately needed update....

2010-11-21T19:35:00.002-05:00

Yeah, it's time. It's time for me to update my MP3 playlist .... not only what I actually have on my MP3 player, but the list that I share with you, my friends and followers. I'm going to work on this over the next few days (especially as I have some time off), and post it later this week.

There are a few songs that I've had on there since Noah built the ark, and as much as I personally love them, they just aren't cutting it for me anymore. And I'll be adding some things over the next few days too

***

Speaking of needed updates, are you excited yet about Weight Watchers' new program??? I sure am!! If you're a WW member, you're going to love what's coming down the pike! Be sure to attend a meeting the week of Nov. 28-Dec. 4 -- the launch week!!!

Here's an article on the WW website (from the Nov-Dec 2010 magazine) from CEO David Kirchoff -- and in the post before this one, click on the link for the awesome video. There's also the "What's New" blog to learn more too!!

Here's to new beginnings -- and additional success!

OOPS! Slack this week!

2010-11-17T06:49:00.003-05:00

In many ways..... I forgot to post before I left for a weekend getaway at the home of my dear pals Tal & Sera. But since I'm fessing up, I didn't really track this weekend. I had fried chicken (a couple of legs) for the first time in years -- I mean, homemade fried chicken at the Beaver House in Statesboro GA. I ate a piece of Cracker Barrel chocolate pecan pie. Got home on Monday and had two big slices of pizza.

And yes, I'm up a little. Not as much as I expected, and I'm right back on track. Back to tracking (meticulously!) and got in a great workout.

***

By the way, if you haven't heard yet -- Weight Watchers has something wonderful and new coming up starting November 29!!! Check this out for more:

Weight Watchers -- Better Than Ever

A November to Remember!

2010-11-06T20:09:00.002-04:00

Today was the Lifetime weigh-in for me and WHEW!!!! Perfectly maintained! Oh, after last weekend's difficulties, I could have kissed the scale. Someone up there likes me!!

This past Wednesday, November 3, was the American Heart Association's "National Start! Eating Healthy Day" -- because my company is taking part in the Start! Heart Walk this spring, we participated in this day. I was glad that we had a pretty nice turnout, and that we are talking about healthier eating habits as the holidays approach. I've decided that I'm making this a "November to Remember" -- to remember the success I've had in previous holiday seasons, to remember to make good choices, to remember to work out even with the time change and changing weather, to remember that each day and each meal is a fresh start.

So I plan to make the best choices when faced with temptation: to choose healthy foods and right portions, to work out even when I don't feel like it, to stick to my guns and my plans. And I will have the best November ever!!

Make your November great -- and grate-ful!

Better late than never, right?

2010-11-01T20:37:00.002-04:00

I had a busy last few days -- and as my leader said, "The first train in the candy car from here to Easter just pulled in....." Yep, Halloween was a food feast at the office -- pizza luncheon with a bakeoff. Yes, I made healthy mini-muffins. I had about 4 of them, just to make sure they were good..... oy vey. And then yesterday, I made a very healthy lunch, and then took my godson out for the day .... and we indulged in Fuddrucker's. Now, I chose as best I could -- I got a kids meal, and for the first time in AGES, indulged in fries ...... although I like that their "Fudd Fries" are more like potato wedges, with actual potato and not just a little meal with heavily-fried breading!

So what did all this extra indulging teach me? To judge whether or not a deviation is really worth it. To remember that I'm only human. To keep in mind to make the best possible choices in every circumstance. To enjoy the moment. To remember that this is a lifestyle change. To appreciate how far I've come. To remember that the journey is never over.

Was it worth it? For the muffins, not really. They were tasty, but not omg-gotta-have-em-fantastic. For the burger & fries, it really was worth it. I hadn't enjoyed Fuddrucker's in a long time, and it was enough to last me for a while. I made the best choice I could, and enjoyed the food (but not as much as I enjoyed the company!)

And the most important lesson from all this is to start over as soon as possible when you do fall off. As my original leader always said, "It's okay to fall off the wagon now and then, just don't let the wagon roll over you." She also said, "Don't let a lapse turn into a collapse" --- and even after all this time, it still holds true!

Here's to all the successes we are going to have over the next few weeks, as the holidays come upon us. Here's to all the progress we're going to make, the things we will learn about ourselves and our relationship to food (no matter how long we've done this!), and here's to being the best possible losers we can be!

Skip, skip, skip to my....

2010-10-22T21:18:00.003-04:00

I am up a little, so I used the "no weigh-in" option this week. As a Lifetime member I really only *have* to weigh in once monthly, but I like to monitor my progress. I monitor it at home anyway, but I like being on the official scales and seeing how things go. I have some water retention going on, more than usual... not sure why, because I've been drinking my water all week. I have tried to watch my sodium intake, although today I had some delicious soup with more sodium than I expected.... Oh well.

So thinking of my four questions from a few weeks ago:
1. What do I want to happen? Some weight loss.
2. What do I need to make this happen? I need to do Simply Filling again, and to get in an extra cardio workout this coming week. Re Simply Filling: I'm amazed that I like this technique as much as I do.... and that I waited so long to try it!
3. Can I do this? Sure I can!
4. Will I do this? Yes!

Speaking of workouts, this was my first week of doing the new routine -- two sessions in, one more to come over the weekend and so far, wow. I can definitely feel it, and I'm looking forward to a few more weeks of getting stronger and more toned.

I had a doctor's appointment today and we were discussing my weight loss journey. I know I've said it so often that it almost seems cliche, but I really do feel a million times better. I know that in May 2006, I could not have ever imagined that my life would be as blessed as it is..... I could never have done a 5K back then; I've done about 8 of them since Sept 2007. I never imagined wearing these clothing sizes in my adult life; I was in my early teens the last time I was near these sizes. I had the energy to sit in front of a computer or a TV screen but that was it; now, I find it difficult to sit still for long (at least outside of work where I have to).

Life is good. Truly. Enjoy the journey -- every moment of it. Cherish every ounce you lose, every pound you lift, every step you walk. Love it and soak it all in!!!!

Changing it up again....

2010-10-14T21:17:00.003-04:00

I met with my trainer after my meeting tonight, and we have changed up my workout routine for the next few weeks. It's another full-body workout and it is INTENSE. Just what I need to shake me up.

I am debating whether to go back to Simply Filling to shake things up. This is going to sound utterly crazy, but I almost kinda sorta like the idea of sticking to the healthier foods and leaving the others behind. I don't mind asking myself, "Do I *really* want to 'waste' my precious points allowance on this?" Most of the time, the answer is no..... So if I don't do it this coming week, definitely the next one!

But in the meantime, I shall continue to track diligently, work harder, be smarter and live fully. What more can you ask?

Need proof that tracking works?

2010-10-09T19:30:00.002-04:00

I'm down 2 pounds from this time last week! I promise, all that has changed is increased diligence to tracking. I may go back to Simply Filling again next week (when it rolls around), but I am glad that I am paying more attention to what I eat. Proper portions, following the Good Health Guidelines, making sure I write down all that I eat.... sure, it takes time, but I can't argue with the results!

The one thing I need to do this week is to eat more veggies than fruit servings. This past week, it seems to have been the opposite -- not that fruit is a bad choice (I could be going face first into a bag of Doritos, right?). But my gut feeling is that more veggies would be even better.

Last weekend, I baked a pumpkin for the very first time -- most of the time, pumpkin for consumption comes out of a can! "Real" pumpkins are for decorating! But roasting/baking this pumpkin was so easy. I pureed it and then put it in the fridge.... so I think I'll eat some of it tonight for dinner. YUM!

I'm also on a new exercise routine -- the knees weren't always enjoying the lunges, so Dave worked up a new routine with some knee strengthening exercises as well. And we've added some static poses to help with balance and muscle use. That first night kicked my rear end! But I'm really looking forward to using them more often!

So if you're struggling this week, think about this:
1. What do you want to happen?
2. What do you need to do to make it happen?
3. Can you do it?
4. Will you do it?

GO FORTH AND CONQUER!!!

What I did right this week...

2010-09-30T20:42:00.002-04:00

What I did was to track more carefully. Doing Simply Filling is great, and I enjoy the emphasis on the healthier Filling Foods. But not *having* to track every little point I consumed .... well, I didn't get out of the habit of tracking, but I felt I needed to do a little better.

So I switched back to tracking points again. And I'm glad: I needed a little more flexibility this week with a couple of days that were just jam-packed!

I stepped on the scale tonight and I am within my range for weight goal this month. I want to get down a few pounds again, and so I figured careful tracking would help. It's been nice to be back on this aspect of Momentum again.

One very nice aspect of the Simply Filling Technique is the emphasis on fruits, vegetables, lean meats/proteins, whole grains, fat-free dairy..... and so I am planning to keep that as part of my tracking. Who knows? I may find that I have a few points available here and there to "play" with too!

So here's to diligence and flexibility!

This year's Race for the Cure...

2010-09-25T11:09:00.002-04:00

I just got home from the 2010 Race for the Cure. I paid a little extra for the timing strip (attached to my bib) and so my time is official and all.... 50:27 from gunshot. A minute-plus slower than last year. So I definitely did not hit my plan to do 45:00 or less, but I'm okay with it.

This year's Race was at a new venue (Fluor Field) and a course that I'd never taken at other races from Fluor Field. I went down streets that I didn't know existed, but nice quiet neighborhoods. The residents came out to cheer us on, and I appreciated that an awful lot. And I am not lying when I say that half these streets were all uphill!!! All those hams and glutes that I've been pumping up over the last few months got quite a stretchout this morning! And I am feeling it already..... I am tired, but it's a great tired. It's the "tired" that comes from accomplishment, from a job well done.

And this year, at the food court, they had fat-free Greek yogurt. It was all flavored (not plain), so I have to count the points (on SFT, only the plain kind can be eaten without worrying about tracking), but I'm just glad they had it! I got a nice protein boost from that -- and bananas have never tasted so good!

***

This week was challenging in a few different ways: I had a retreat last weekend, and so I didn't track at all... so this week wasn't a free-for-all, but more of a "do the best you can." But I am definitely back in the saddle this week! My other challenge was a knee that was giving me fits. I haven't had knee pain like that in years. Biofreeze is my friend, and I don't care how dorky I look wearing a knee brace or two under dress pants. I don't use the pull-on, stretchy but thin kind. Oh no, I have the big ol' Velcro-d up, criss-cross type but they're great. (Speaking of Biofreeze... need to go use some and SOON). It really hit me on my Monday and Thursday leg workouts.... AYE YI YI YI!!!! I just modified as much as possible (sorry, Dave, but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do!).

***

Here's wishing everyone a successful week!!

Sorry to be so late....

2010-09-19T18:40:00.002-04:00

but I had a higher calling! No, really, I did.....

This weekend was our women's Christ Renews His Parish retreat at church, and I was part of the team that presented the retreat. As part of that, I provided some treats for our breakfast on Saturday morning, and in the weekend's "Snack Lounge." Knowing some others on the retreat try to watch their calories/points, here's what I made:

* 24 mini-muffins, blueberry (thanks to Krusteaz Fat-Free Blueberry Muffin mix)
* 24 double chocolate mini-muffins
* Pretzels, dips & lo-cal treats

I did. It was good too. It was a wonderful retreat -- last time, when I was a participant, I went home renewed in spirit and body. This time, even though we worked like mad to make it all work, same thing: I thought I would be just exhausted but I am also renewed.

And I will be paying for the goodies I consumed this weekend: I foresee a workout nearly every night this week!!!! AND, AND, AND............ my Race for the Cure on Saturday. I am gonna beat 45 minutes come hell or high water!

It's Lose-A-Palooza Day!!

2010-09-14T06:48:00.002-04:00

Today is Lose-a-Palooza Day for the Weight Watchers (R) Lose for Good campaign. I've put some information below, and I encourage everyone to check it out -- even if you're at your ideal weight or happy wherever you are on the scale.

We're dropping pounds and raising funds ...... as well as giving hope and help. As I mentioned earlier, our center is doing a food drive for a local children's shelter. Plenty of other locations are doing the same -- food drives to help the needy in their area.

One thing that we can all do is educate and advocate for healthier lives -- whether we do not have enough, or are blessed with so many alternatives that we hardly know what to do. Do your part today in your area!!!

More information about Lose for Good

2010-09-11T14:30:00.002-04:00

Click on the link if you would like to learn more about Weight Watchers' LOSE FOR GOOD Campaign -- and remember, we can ALL do something to help the hungry at the same time we do better for ourselves!

Losing for Good

2010-09-09T21:31:00.002-04:00

The statistics are staggering: 1.6 billion overweight people in the world....... and 800 million people who do not have enough food.

I can't begin to think how wrong those numbers are on so many levels. There shouldn't even be one person who never has enough food to sustain their lives. And it's sad to think there are twice as many people who may have more food than they need; granted, there is the whole dilemma of overweight people in poverty, who eat whatever is affordable regardless of the nutritional value (or lack thereof). They live in food deserts as much as those who do not have enough.

Well, I'd like to let you know that Weight Watchers is in their 3rd annual "Lose for Good" campaign. Over the last two years, WW Members have lost over 8 MILLION pounds and donated more than 3 million pounds of food to local food banks in these 7-week campaigns. In addition, Weight Watchers, Inc. has donated at least $1,000,000 each year to Share Our Strength and Action Against Hunger.

I have to figure out how I'm going to make a contribution, since I'm not really actively losing but striving to maintain. What I think I am going to do is contribute one non-perishable food item for each 10 pounds I lost over those 4 years .... And if I end up losing any weight (even 0.2 pounds) between today and campaign's end, I will add another $10 in food.

Our particular location is donating our food to a shelter for children who have been removed from their homes due to abuse or other emergency situation. In fact, two of the members at the meeting I attend are volunteers there, and they were telling us about the work that's done there, and how wonderful the kids are, in spite of whatever circumstance has them there. God bless those kids!!!

And I hope this year, WW members lose even more -- for good!!!

***

Oh, by the way: down 3 pounds from last week. And I am going to have to figure a way to modify the legs routine, because the lunges are killing my knees and one of my quads. Gotta talk to Dave about that.... I like the routine, but not if I can't do part of it. I ended up doing some modifications tonight, and putting on a knee brace. Getting old ain't for sissies!! :D

Following up....

2010-09-04T20:28:00.002-04:00

I weighed in this morning, and I was up a bit, but still within my window..... WHEW! I was a bit surprised, since I was about 3 pounds lower than that amount just yesterday morning. But I had sauerkraut last night... DOH! Sodium!

Today, I went to a local orchard to pick up Honeycrisps -- one of my favorite types of apples! They also had Asian pears available, as well as peaches. Apparently, the peach season is running a little long this year; fine by me! I love peaches! Whenever I go to the grocery, the Asian pears are usually pretty huge, and in the past, I'd split them in half. These, however, are a little smaller -- and boy, are they ever juicy! Yummo!!!

This week, traveling presented some interesting challenges: airsickness, "cocktail hour" (without the cocktails but with the appetizers), and trying to choose the best options possible when dining out. I am proud to say that I did the best job I possibly could, and felt very good about my choices. But even better, I worked out both mornings - it wasn't my full workout, but it was something, and I was very pleased with the exercise facilities at both hotels! A few places I've stayed have something like 2 treadmills and a few dumbbells. Both of these had plenty of cardio equipment, as well as weights, both free and machine. WOW!

I'm going to stick with Simply Filling for a while. I like it, and so far, it seems to be working well to help me maintain (which is what I've asked for all along). And it's easier than I expected to plan my week's meals around the plan's specifications. So this week, I am sticking with it, sticking with my workout plans, and trying to stress less too! :D (Okay, that last one is a pipe dream.....)

By the way...

2010-09-04T06:50:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the lateness in posting; I was out of town on business most of the week. I will post more after today's weigh-in. But I'm glad to say that for the most part, business travel had some challenges, but nothing I couldn't face and handle -- and handle well, given the "fun" that transpired on Day 1.

More to come..... after weigh-in, of course!

The Good News... of sorts!

2010-08-28T17:17:00.005-04:00

It has now been 3 weeks on Simply Filling Technique, and I am spreading the news with Billy Graham-like fervor. I was up ever so slightly (0.4 pounds; Oh woe is me....), but really, 8 pounds over 3 weeks is wonderful.

I'm honestly amazed that it took me so long to try this method. It's really far easier than I expected it to be. And it's made me really stop and think, "Do I want that?" I find that a lot of times, the answer is "No, I'm not willing to use that many points for that." Anyway, the evangelistic zeal comes from hearing other people say, "I don't know how I can break this rut I'm in....." I have recommended it now to a couple of fellow Lifetimers who mentioned to me that they were stuck or had gone up despite all their best efforts. So I'm really hoping that they try it, and that it works just as well for them.

I'm doing SFT again this week with a special twist: business travel. I will be leaving Tuesday afternoon for Chicago for some training, and that presents some interesting challenges. Dinners out, lunches catered in, etc. So I am hoarding my points right now (ha ha) in order to have some flexibility this week. The other challenge is doing my normal workouts..... those may have to take a week off and I would just do some extra cardio instead. Bummer!!! Maybe the hotels will have some free weights to use (most just have a treadmill or two).

Here's to a great rest of the week!!!! Make it awesome!

Did it purely by accident....

2010-08-19T21:28:00.002-04:00

I followed the Simply Filling Technique for another week. I didn't really intend to, it just sort of fell that way ..... and I'm SO glad I did!!! I lost another 3 pounds this week. Ho. Lee. Molee. I am jazzed!!!

This week, I am going to purposefully follow SFT for one more week. The next week, we'll see, since I will be out of town for a training session. It might actually work to my advantage to do Simply Filling that week as well, now that I ponder it.

I wonder if it's the lack of stress from not having to worry about the point value of every little item, of not necessarily having to wonder about the measurements & weights ("okay, was that 3 oz of chicken or 4 from the restaurant ... oh drat!"). Yes, my food choices are a little more limited -- in the sense that I have to track the points if they're not on the Filling Foods list. But that makes me a little more cautious. With the regular Momentum plan, I could justify a splurge by saying, "Oh, I'll just use some of my extra weekly points allowance." Now, it's like, "Do I really want to spend any of my 35 points on THAT?"

Now granted, this week, most of the points I used were on cereal (12 of the 35) and on International Delight creamer for my coffee (4 more). Nearly half the points on two items? EEK. But the cereals I love most aren't Filling Foods .... I had a discussion with someone on that today, and I personally lean to the opinion that uh, yeah. These really ought to be Filling Foods, but I don't make the rules. Kashi GoLean regular, yes. Froot Loops, no...... hello.

Wow! I'm really enjoying using the SFT; I can see myself using it more and more often! So thanks Tisha for the great advice!

Just in awe!!

2010-08-12T21:03:00.003-04:00

So what did a week of Simply Filling Technique get me? TRY 5.2 POUNDS DOWN.

One word: Halle-freakin-lujah! For the first time in a while, I'm actually below my goal weight. I'm so happy I could just about cry.

But really -- what it got me was yet another alternative. I still have 11 points to spend for the week (ending tonight, that is), but I doubt I'll use more than one or two tonight. I can actually see myself doing Simply Filling for a week at a time, maybe not every week but rotating a week in once or twice a month. Or having maybe 4 days a week when I follow SFT more than Points.

Now in a method that I definitely don't suggest adopting, I actually did this week of SFT with minimal planning. Bought enough fruits, frozen veggies, fresh veggies, and lean meats for a few meals, but I found ways to make it all work well. It was yesterday before I actually used rice or pasta as part of a meal! I thought at first those would be staples, and HOW was I only supposed to have it once and then later sacrifice the points. Nope - I shocked myself!

SFT forced me to be a little more cautious and a little more creative -- not that this is a bad thing!!! So I am going to consult my Clean Eating magazines a little more often, and the Nutrition Action Healthletter from CSPI - they have clean recipes in there as well. I just wish that e-Tools had a way to say, "Yep! That meets our definition for something that would work with SFT!"

I like this alternative -- a lot. If you haven't tried it before, what's one week out of your journey to give it a go? You might surprise yourself; I know I did!

How's it going so far?

2010-08-10T21:15:00.002-04:00

I'm actually kind of amazed. Today was Day 5 of the Simply Filling Technique experiment, and I am pleasantly surprised at how well I've done (Lord, don't let me jinx it by saying that....). No, I've stuck mainly to lean meats, fruits and veggies. Haven't even done brown rice or whole wheat pasta (though I did cook up some rice last night for Maddox's upset tummy). Having only 35 points for the whole week's made me pretty stingy about using them! So far, I have used just 13 -- and it's been on things like salad dressing or bread.

The one thing that has been difficult is making recipes unless they're specifically from WW cookbooks and marked as either "Simply Filling" or "Core" (from the old books). I would love to be able to use the Recipe Builder and have it tell me "Yes, this is SF-friendly" or "Mm, sorry, that's X points." I guess it's when the majority of ingredients are SF, then it counts, but really, I don't have time (right now) to get out my very favorites, compare them to a list, etc.

But, on a high note, if you do SF and are looking for an easy, YUMMY recipe: get the "Healthy Cooking Basics" from your meeting room, and go for the Grilled Chicken and Tomato-Zucchini Salad. Oh. It is SOOOO good ..... even the other members of my family loved it. It's simple but very tasty! (Matter of fact, I'm signing off now to go make more of the TZS).

I can say this so far: don't know if I could do this all the time, but I can definitely see myself incorporating more of it into my routine! And a big thanks to my leader Tisha for suggesting that I do this!

Physician, Heal Thyself

2010-08-06T12:34:00.002-04:00

Here's the short story – up a little but with a good explanation: department luncheon meeting 2 hours before weigh-in. So it was an unofficial weigh-in; official one this weekend. And to try to do something different to get this weight down, I’m trying the Simply Filling Technique for a week – no tracking except for the non-filling foods I choose. For portion control, I will eat until I am satisfied – note: this doesn’t mean full as a tick or stuffed … it means, I could eat more but I’m good where I am.

Now for the deeper thoughts ….. At my job, each morning I run a computer routine that triggers part of what I do in purchasing. This morning, it ran veerrrrrryyyy sssslllloooooowwwwwwly. While I was waiting on it to chug along, I visited WW e-Tools for more information on Simply Filling. In following one link, I saw a messageboard post from someone who is struggling with the idea of loving a “defective” body (she has some health issues and my heart really hurt for her…). And I can relate to some degree, so I took a moment to respond.

Regular readers know that lately, I can’t seem to figure out why, after all these years, my body is in rebellion. It has decided that all the hard work I’ve put in is nice, but it has its own agenda apparently. This was part of what I wrote to the other poster:

{snip} So I lose all this weight and now while I'm in much improved condition, my body is somehow not with the program. I'm seeking answers myself for some things and feel like I'm spinning my wheels. It is so frustrating .... but then I think this: I'm alive and moving. I could be dead.

I'm a few years older. My body is not the amazing factory-new machine it was a few years ago. I've put a few more hundred-thousand miles on it. Changed up the chassis and cleaned out the engine, but most of the original parts are still there and now have at least 40 years wear on them. I didn't do myself any favors for abusing my body for 25+ years. Losing all the weight doesn't mean I live happily ever after. It means I live a lot longer with better skills and decision-making ideas. If there's something medical going on, I go in armed with information, and work with the doctors to figure it out. I have to learn to make peace with my body.

I don't have all the answers. I'm also learning to love my body, flaws and all. I'll have moments when I get down and discouraged - I'll rage at the heavens and pound the earth with my fist and throw a big ol' hissy fit. But then I will think how lucky I am to be moving and raging and learning and growing-as-I'm-shrinking...... and that is a beautiful moment indeed.

Physician, heal thyself. I struggle with the unexplained weight spike that’s been going on since February. I struggle with hormonal issues and possible repercussions throughout in my endocrine system (and the rest of my body). The body is amazing in its complexities and how every system interacts with each other….. it both awes me and frustrates me.

But I am alive. I am moving. I am breathing. I am reasoning and thinking, and my mind is still fairly sharp (no comments from the peanut gallery). My body is older but it moves and reacts in ways it never could have even 5 years ago or 10 years ago, when I was younger and supposedly in better condition. Looking back, I realize that I was playing Russian roulette, spinning that chamber and grinning each time there was a click and no bullet. What was I thinking back then, that I had some sort of semi-charmed life? I think that's what I need to focus more on -- the gratitude for what I have and less of the "what the Hades is WRONG with me?"

***

PS: So far so good with the Simply Filling. Yes I realize I'm only 2 meals and one snack into it, but it's been interesting so far. Right at this very second I am mentally craving something sweet, but my stomach tells me I don't really need it. Listening to my mind might be a terrible thing for my waist! :)

By special request....

2010-07-29T20:51:00.003-04:00

Okay, first the good news: I am down!!!! I didn't look at the exact decimal figure but it's over 2.0 -- WHEW!!!!

Monday night, I was given the privilege of sharing my story with another meeting. I truly mean it when I say that I love being able to tell people that all things are possible. I enjoy sharing my ups and downs, and reminding others - and myself - that persistence pays, determination delivers, and that it isn't failure, it's feedback. I know that sounds like a trite phrase but it is TRUE. "So what did you learn from this?" is a question that needs constant answering.

On Monday night, I shared a Chicken BBQ recipe with the group. My leader told tonight's group about it, and I have been asked to post it here --- GLADLY!! I love BBQ, no doubt. Had WW ever said, "Give up the pig" I would have been gone! But a local chain does chopped/pulled chicken as well -- very handy years ago when I was having gallstone issues!! And I love good mustard-based sauce, as only we in SC can do! This one is easy to make, and calorie/POINT-friendly!

NETTIEMAC'S CHICKEN BBQ REDONE

2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast (either breast halves or tenderloins)
1 12-oz jar (~1.5 c) Dijon mustard (I used a squeeze bottle)
1 12-oz jar (~1.5 c) sugar-free apricot or peach preserves (I used Smucker's)

In a slow cooker (min. 3 quart), spray crock lightly with cooking spray or use a liner. Place chicken in crock (lined or sprayed), then mustard, then preserves. Stir well enough to coat the chicken and mix the mustard & preserves. Cook on low for 8-10 hours or until sauce is to desired consistency (could take another hour if you like it drier). IF POSSIBLE, shred the chicken maybe once or twice during the cooking time. If not, no biggie -- it will still fall apart just fine.

Makes around 5-1/2 cups. Points values:
1/4 c serving = 1 pt
1/3 c serving = 2 pts
1/2 c serving = 3 pts

From this batch, I put 4 cups in the freezer, and have been eating off the remainder. I had a good bit of sauce this time..... that's moppin' sauce, so be sure you have some bread with you for that. MMM-MMM!

One step forward, two steps back

2010-07-22T20:46:00.002-04:00

.... is not just a song by Bruce Springsteen.

Up this week. But I understood why. It's been a slightly off-kilter week. I've carbed way more than usual this week, and haven't watched my sodium as much. This one is on me. So guess what? So is the solution.

Part of that solution was meeting with Dave The Trainer tonight and getting a new workout. The current workout is still working, but it was time to shake it up and do something new. There is something to be said for the concept of muscle confusion! Tonight's was Upper Body Giant Sets.... two smaller Supersets .... one for chest/upper back; one for upper shoulders/biceps/triceps. Right now, my arms are a little sore..... heh. I asked Dave if I was going to be able to grip a steering wheel tomorrow; he laughed and said, "Yep! You'll be sore tonight and fine tomorrow." We shall see. Then next week, we'll work on Lower Body/Core. Tonight's core exercises were .... a little less successful. But with practice, I might get pretty good at them.

I will keep working on finding the good things I do. I want so much not to stress the numbers, but it's only natural for me to focus on that. And I want to keep finding answers for the medical things. I've had other things going on so I haven't spent much time on it.... but the time has come. I sat in my office freezing today, while my coworkers were either warm or comfortable. I had on a cardigan, and a wrap over my legs. I went outside in the 90+ heat/humidity to warm up. THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

As I told Dave, there is something going on with my body. I cannot prove it, but I know my hunches. And I trust them. It might not be thyroid, but I do believe it is endocrine-related. Might it be something with the hypothalamus? Could it be insulin resistance? Maybe it's adrenal? Is it simply early onset (peri)menopause? I don't know. But I need some help in finding the answers. So tomorrow, I am calling one of the internal medicine people near work and trying to book an appointment as soon as I can. I need to know. If it turns out my hunch is wrong, GREAT! If not, BETTER!

And I'm still working on Mama and her situation. You've seen the images either in print or on video of Rocky Mountain rams with the curly horns that constantly butt heads.... uh, yeah. They have NOTHING on me and my mother! But for both of us, we're going to get answers.

FINALLY!

2010-07-16T20:03:00.002-04:00

It's been a while but the scale moved significantly in a lower direction. W.H.E.W.

As it turns out, this week's topic was all about NSV's - non-scale victories. I've been living off NSV's for a while now. They are important, more important than we realize! The funny thing is, several times this week, I've had people asking me, "How much more have you lost?" When I tell them I've actually put a little back on, they're like, "But you look so thinner!" To which I say: THANK YOU DAVE!!!! Dave is the personal trainer who is working with me, his workout is killer ... and it works!

My leader has encouraged us to write in our trackers, or on e-Tools, or somehow to actually write each day, at least ONE good choice we made that day..... So for Thursday, mine was being satisfied with my lunch -- enough so that I completely forgot about the WW Giant Latte bar that I'd had on my mind not even 30 minutes earlier. I had told myself that I would have one for dessert when I got to the office (I have a few in the freezer there). It was 3:00 before I thought about it again, and I realized then that I really didn't want it. I waited until I got home that night to have some instead.

Heck, I'll even go ahead and list mine for today: working out anyway. The last couple of Fridays, I have gone home first and then gone on Saturday to work out .... so I'm not skipping, just rearranging the days. I thought about doing the same thing today. I even got in the RR at the gym to change clothes and thought, "Why don't I just go home and rest?" But it wasn't crowded, and I knew I could get through my routine in a decent pace, and ..... well, I was there and halfway dressed out already. And I'm so glad I chose to stay and work out. I always feel better afterwards, and then I think, "Why did I not want to work out tonight?" (or ever, for that matter). It's a feeling of achievement and accomplishment that I love.

So think of all you've achieved, every good choice you make. It's hard -- I mean, y'all have seen how the last few weeks have been for me. Focusing on all I've accomplished and thinking of where I was 5 years ago took a backseat to about 6 months out of my life. So I'm really taking this challenge to heart this week. I hope you do too!

***

IN GOOD NEWS.......... JINNY!!!!! You did it!!! I am so proud of you! I'm so proud of your hard work, your dedication to yourself, and all the progress you made. Stay with it!

IN LESS-THAN-GOOD NEWS: I just got the word that my best friend's husband is scheduled for another surgery in the morning. He had surgery about 6-8 weeks ago (I can't remember when) but he developed an abcess at the surgical site about 10 days ago. He came home just 2 or 3 days ago, but the antibiotics weren't enough to fully take care of everything. They'll start the surgery at 6:30 AM, and it's going to be a LONG surgery - at least 6 hours. God bless them both! And if you're so inclined, please keep them in your prayers.

Stop the Insanity!

2010-07-09T09:04:00.002-04:00

Many years ago, Susan Powter wrote her "diet" book called Stop the Insanity! Somewhere, I think I still have a worn-out copy of it. And out of all the diet/nutrition/fitness books I owned, even though I never followed the plan, hers at least seemed to make sense to me. And I loved the title...

Right now, it feels sometimes that portions of my life are just insane. And I need to stop as much of it as I can..... so last night at the meeting, I made the decision to change my goal weight, by bumping it back up. It was not easy to do this... oh, yeah, filling out the paperwork was, but I was so reluctant. It feels like defeat. It feels like cheating. It feels like my body is telling me, "You wouldn't listen to me, would you? Well, let me show you..."

Which is purely insanity, isn't it?

It's rumored that Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I've changed things up to see if I can tweak the formula: better exercise (to be tweaked again soon), I even added back in some points this week to see if I wasn't eating enough (apparently, not the issue... hmm). I don't have answers, and that's insanity to me.

Not having answers to lots of things is making me crazy. The only thing I could control is my weight goal. Until I get answers as to why this gain is happening. Something is there. I just know. I can't explain intuition, but I just know.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy. Please.

Living the Serenity Prayer

2010-07-02T21:23:00.002-04:00

I'm not dropping my basket (to use the phrase from the Ya-Ya book), but I am setting some of the contents down for a while. The stress of the last couple of weeks has finally gotten to me this week, and it showed especially in my weigh-in.

For starters, I am not sleeping well at all..... you know those little "5-Hour Energy" shot drinks? Yeah, I've used a couple of those this week to make it through. On the good side (I suppose), they didn't quite give me the boost that the ads promise, so I doubt I'll be getting any of them again. And a couple of times when I needed to go to bed early to wake earlier than usual, I've used Nytol. Again, not good, and I know this.

The weight gain is giving me grief, and last night as I cried a little from being up YET AGAIN (though only 0.2 pounds), even my leader said, "This is not worth the stress you're putting yourself under; we'll figure out what to do...." So here's my plan:

1. I have to stop worrying myself sick about Mom. I'm of no use to her that way. It doesn't mean I won't continue to get resources, come up with ideas and plans but I can't make her or her doctor do anything. If they can live with their current plan, then what choice do I have? All I can do is be ready for when the time comes. That's it.

2. I will concentrate more on my own health issues. I did that by calling an endocrinology practice. As it turns out, they honestly can't help me because they don't diagnose or test - they just see you once you have. There's another doctor nearby who is an MD and a DO and her practice looks very good. However, she is an out-of-network provider (basically doesn't accept insurance for payment), and her initial consultation is more than I can shell out at once. So I will continue to do research..... (le sigh).

3. I will get more sleep with better quality. Yesterday afternoon, when I sat down at the WW meeting, I didn't realize just how tired I was until I sat still long enough. My schedule has been all out of whack -- the last few weeks, I have staggered my start-end hours at work due to some other commitments. However, it's wreaking havoc in my sleep schedule. It's not healthy. So I spoke to my boss today, and starting next week I will work the same start-end hours every day. It also entails me passing off a responsibility to others, and all the better. I even went to bed early last night (okay, earlier than usual for me) .... it helped some. I only took a 10-minute nap at lunch (instead of 20 or 30)......

4. I will care for myself far better. I'm planning to consider a monthly massage. There are a couple of massage places (reputable ones, that is) near work. I figure if I can, I'll schedule one a month and see how that goes. I definitely plan to get with Stacey (my best friend) more often for mani-pedis! We are also working on a plan for a retreat weekend -- not just the one I am working on with church but a personal private retreat at a nearby convent's guest house. I need the time away from everything to just rejuvenate my spirit. AND I am also planning some time away this weekend as well -- go to the mountains and just take a couple of hours or so and get away from the madding crowd.

I guess I'm calling this "putting the Serenity Prayer into action" - accepting what I can't change, changing what I can, and learning the difference.

Answers and more questions

2010-06-25T07:36:00.002-04:00

Okay, I FINALLY got my test results back on Tuesday: everything is in normal ranges. For two of the tests, my scores were pretty much in the dead center. For the last, it was toward the lower end of normal but not so much so that it was cause for concern.

I have answers, but I still have more questions. I was up at this week's weigh-in ... it wasn't entirely unexpected but really, can one blowout meal cause that much of a gain? No. I still think there is SOMETHING going on, and while it's not my thyroid, I don't know what it could be.

But I have bigger fish to fry right now: my mother's health. She has been feeling puny (that's a Southern phrase) for about 2 weeks. She went to the doctor last week because she could not kick a feeling of nausea. It would just come in waves but never so strong as to actually make her upchuck. Just that awful feeling of "I'm gonna be sick, I'm gonna be sick, no wait, yes, no...." So the doctor gave her some Phenergan and sent her home. By Tuesday, she still was sick, same symptoms, so she went back. He was concerned enough to send her for a chest x-ray, thinking that she might have some pneumonia. She is also having trouble breathing.

Those test results came back -- in only a day, but hey, I'm not bitter.... Oh, no. It's not pneumonia. It's pericardial effusion -- or in layman's terms, "fluid around the heart." So they sent her home with some diuretics and instructions to change up some of her medicines (dosages, timing, etc.) and to start moving.

Okay, I'm thrilled that she's now being forced to get off her rump and do something. But let me also tell you: everything I have read about this condition is like, "Further testing is needed to determine the cause of the effusion." Apparently there are different fluids meaning different types of conditions. So can someone tell me just why a test isn't being called for, post-haste?

I get the idea of managed care. Really. I do. In the past two years, both working in HR/Benefits and with my own medical needs, I have learned more about health plans, etc. etc. than I ever imagined needing to know. I get that insurance would prefer to try step remedies - if a lower cost, easier-to-the-patient idea will work, use it. Like you wouldn't use a tourniquet on a paper cut. I get all that. But I do. not. get. at. all. why you wouldn't call for a test when it is so obviously needed. I just went through it myself -- why'd my test results take two weeks? Because they had to be sent off to a specific group for testing, otherwise my insurance would not cover it. I'm still wondering if they'll cover it all because I had a similar test done just last July (11 months ago). It wasn't the exact same test -- that was a TSH, these three were the TTR, T3, and T4. Just different enough that it might be okay.

This isn't a political rant about healthcare legislation. This is a rant about the state of health care in general, not just in the US. Why is it so difficult to get the answers we need without having to prove ourselves? THAT, my friends, is just as sorry as not being able to get coverage because it's too expensive. I am tired of some CFO making a decision about my health instead of me and my doctor. I am tired of having coverage or payment determined by an underwriting manual instead of a doctor saying, "Yes, this is necessary, so cover it. Period." If you've never read The Rainmaker by John Grisham, do so, because it will give you a good perspective on the subject. Yes, it's fiction, but with so much of Grisham's work, I wonder how much really is fiction. Same with Runaway Jury - if half of what was presented as the scientific data in the trial scenes is based on actual scientific research, then my God, why would you ever light up?

Okay, I'm coming down from the soapbox now. It's Friday, it's a good day, and I am going to make the best of it. I am going to arm myself with all the information I need to make not only good decisions for myself but for those I love as well. And if I have to advocate for change, so be it.

Wishin' and Hopin' and Thinkin' and Prayin'.......

2010-06-18T17:29:00.001-04:00

I have been able to rearrange my schedule in order to attend the 5:30 meeting on Thursdays. It's a different group, but they seemed very nice so far. And I discovered that one of the 5:30 members (who had been attending the 7:00 a while back) is moving to Europe on a 3-year transfer assignment. WOW! Lots of changes in store for her - and smart girl, she has already found where WW meets in the area to which she's moving! You go!!!! Sara, wishing you all the best, and please stay in touch!

In fantastic news, my weight was down. Not by much -- 0.4 pounds -- but I will take every single ounce or fraction thereof I can get. It's nearly 2 sticks of butter gone! I made a real effort this past week to listen to my body's hunger signals instead of those little signals from my head..... the ones that say, "What a day! You've earned a little wiggle room...." or "Man, this workout is something else; you can eat a little more today." Well, no, not really - not if I want to continue to strive for success. I didn't always succeed but I did much better.

Speaking of workouts.... "The Dave One" (as I call it) isn't getting any easier but it's definitely making a difference. I've had several people this week ask if I'd lost some weight. Well, no, but I certainly notice some changes. Clothes that were tight even a few weeks ago are now hanging better on me. There are portions of me which have begun to tone up even more - my physical therapist noticed that immediately about my legs the other day at our appointment. Those leg presses and curls and the abduction walk are having a positive impact on me! By the way, "abduction walk" doesn't mean that I snatch some unsuspecting person off the street and force them to exercise (although perhaps given the obesity epidemic in the US, we should consider the idea!) The calf raises and stretches leave my legs a little sore that night but healthy by the next day. All told, it's a fantastic feeling! Now, do I relish the workout itself and golly gee cannot WAIT to hit the gym? I'm not that insane. But when it's all said and done, do I have a feeling of great accomplishment? You bet! And that, more than anything, feels so good!

As of 5:30 PM on Friday, June 18, I am still waiting for the lab test results from the full thyroid panel from last week. I've called my doctor's office three times since yesterday -- and I'm not the nervous Nellie type. In fact, I've done a pretty decent job so far in not trying to dwell on it. But I also don't want to start wondering if the news is bad. No news is not always good news. I am a cautious optimist. I hope for the best, and yet know that I need to be prepared sometimes for the worst. I'm not quite up to pacing and chain-smoking just yet (well, at least the pacing portion). So I sit and wait and cross my fingers and offer up prayers and play some music and do my best just not to think on it. Kind of like Necie in the Ya-Ya books: I'm just thinking myself some pretty pink and blue thoughts...... Again, I don't know what the answer will be, but I know that no matter what, I am in good hands.